This is you know, this is now, just to be safe, im going you know, this is, like oh to take the temperature againt . This is what i do. I read all day long. beeping stephen what have you got . Well, have you ever read this announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert one, the death of truth byiko . Tonight, confederasee you later stephen nope, i have not. Plus, stephen welcomes thats a good one. Wesley lowery and judd apatow. Stephen yep. About how the government has changed the meaning of truth featuring jon batiste sta where theres no truth. Homin. Stephen wow, look at that. If youre into that kind of and now, live on tape from a thing. I know you dont really like talking politics. Safe distance, its stephen then colbert stephen merv. Then you switch gears into merv. Stephen okay. Stephen was mervour man . I was more of a mike d guy. Do you know that when i was a sorry. Kid, i used to write letters to stephen why seven . People and ask them for their because you have to work for me, i know. Autograph. They didnt make it around my i went through my stuff from schedule. Stephen they didnt . When i was ten and i found a oh well. Letter, and it said, dear, merv, laughter hothng, by the way youre the best talk show host in the world, can i have your autograph . And then the next piece of paper said, dear mike douglas, youre the best talk show host in the world, can i have your autograph . Great. Stephen gr , e youre laughter nored ears or there. Stephen wait a second, do no, ive got three ipads, two laptops. Stephen okay, great, you you get books about how to raise have something to entertain you your children and do your while i do the show. Children see these books . Yes, i do. Stephen good im talking because weve got these books, but we wouldnt let our children now. Welcome to a late show. See what the titles are. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Protests are continuing all over no, at breakfast,every day. America, and if that makes you laughter nervous, you might be a confederate statue. Fans of the union are tearing this is another book i have been down these monuments all across reading. The south, including last night stephen its all too much. In richmond, virginia, where this is a good one, this is actually better than you would protesters tore down a statue of expect. Jefferson davis. Stephen Stormy Daniels full disclosure. Did you learn anything . Or, as davis might put it, i im in it. She talks about me. Hereby secede from my pedestal. Stephen no you know why . Because she was in knocked up. Its not just protesters. Yesterday, in a letter to her congressional colleagues, stephen check the table of contents. M i in it . Ill check the audiobook. Do you know that when we shot knocked up, she told seth what, huh . There are confederate statues in rogen she just had sex with the u. S. Capitol . Donald trump . Stephen no. Where do they keep them, in the hall of losers . Did she describe it or just say as a factual statement, by the or did Ulysses Grant just capture robert e. Lee in way, sorry im late, i just had sex with donald trump. Carbonite . It was literally a couple of titargetng use of days later. That means if they called seth the stars and bars as symbol of in front of congress, he could racial intimidation, and they have told the story to prove scored a major victory ecause, that. And they would have said, whats your name sir . Last night, im seth rogen i didnt think it was a big deal nascars getting more she had sex with a talk show progressive. I guess i shouldnt be host, who cares . surprised. Stephen total orgasm. All they do is turn left. Wow. Thats a high bar. Technically accurate observation. Total orgasm. Not just the nasty bits, your entire body. Stephen the move comes after pressure from race car driver and man with the most nascar total commitment, stephen. Name ever, bubba wallace. I went to the therapist. Wallace is i used to go to a therapist gary nascars only black driver. Shandling recommended that i go to this therapist. You can always tell which is his car, because its the one and i went. Getting pulled over. I was going two years. as sheriff i looked in this bookshelf and all right mr. Wallace, what are there were all these books he you doing in this neighborhood . Had written. Oh, okay, you can go. He wrote a book called total orgasm. And i said to gary shandling, earlier today, wallace explained you didnt tell me you sent me his opposition to the confederate flag. To the total orgasm guy he said, i didnt know he was to a group that is in a lot the orgasm guy of pain right now the African American community is in a lot but i was always afraid to ask. Of pain thats a symbol of i never said hate, and it brings back so many stephen he never brought it up . Bad memories. Signs of oppression from way he never says hows your orgasm . On a scale of one to ten, how back when. Total . And it just theres no good that comes with that flag. How completely committed are you . Stephen hes right, no good laughter then i also have a second copy comes with it. In fact, its such an unlucky of merv. Stephen in case the first flag that even the people who one blows out . Started it had to replace it with this one. Why, do you wear them as water wings when you go to the pool . Why do you have two . Are you making it into a movie . Now, wallace puts his horsepower where his mouth is, because in a are you making the merv story . Race yesterday, he took to the track in a black lives matter do you want to see merv griffin as a kid . Themed car. Because thats what it looks that is sweet. Like. Stephen oh, my god. I didnt know he was a although im going to factcheck princeling. His fender, because this has look at that. The king of Staten Island definitely not been a good year. Premieres on demand this friday. Averybody. Nascars got company, because well be right back. The u. S. Army recently announced that it is well thats reasonable, considering those men waged war on the u. S. Military. Its one of the reasons the navy renamed the u. S. S. Saddam hussein. Now, these bases werent named right after the civil war. Back then, people knew these men were traitors to the union. The bases got their names after all the civil war veterans were dead, at the height of jim crow. So this sounds like a slam dunk. Only someone completely tone deaf to the continuing pain of black citizens who make up 20 of the u. S. Army would disagree. First, they didnt fight for freedom. Second, winning and victory are the same thing. And the confederacy didnt do either of them. Youd know that if you werent stupid and an idiot. Im sorry, sir, you were dogwhistling . I guess its not surprising that trumps okay with naming things after old racist guys. He named his own son donald trump. Now yesterday, trump got a little air cover from White House Press secretary and cursed bratz doll, kayleigh mcenany. The president will not be signing legislation that renames americas forts. Its important to note, you know, fort bragg, for example, its one of the Largest Military installations, its home to tens of thousands of brave american soldiers. And when you think of fort bragg, we think of the brave soldiers that deployed from there. Stephen yeah, you cant rename fort bragg thats trumps favorite verb next, hed have to rename fort lie and fort cheatonyourwife. Now trumps been itching to get out of the white house recently hes got a bad case of bunker fever. So, hes revving up his Summer Campaign bus tour with rallies in florida, oklahoma, arizona, texas, and north carolina. I guess he just misses walking out to a large crowd that he hasnt tear gassed. His first rally takes place in tulsa, on june 19, also known as stephen stick around for james corden. But first, lets say goodnight juneteenth, an annual holiday with some more music from jon batiste and stay human. Jon . Commemorating the end of slavery in the United States. And 99 years ago this month, tulsa was the site of one of the countrys bloodiest captioning sponsor outbreaks of racial violence, when white mobs attacked black citizens and businesses with guns and explosives. Captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh now, to be fair, theres no way access. Wgbh. Org trump knows that much american history. Im pretty sure he just told stephen miller. as trump steve, pick the most offensive date and location you can think of, and put it up there on my hooters calendar. Ooh, this month is clam strips. Daddy like. Obviously, any public gathering is a Public Health risk due to coronavirus. Still, the Trump Campaign is captioning sponsored by cbs unlikely to put into place any rally attendees, or require them to wear masks. The late late show, oh, oh but as a precautionary measure, the late late show oh, oh its the late late show every attendee will be provided a syringe full of bleach. James good evening ladies but trumps defending bringing and gentlemen and welcome to the late, late show. Everyone together for a bigtime spittlefest. Here i his advisers say that the recent black lives matter protests in metropolitan areas will make it harder for liberals to criticize him. Nah, its still pretty easy to criticize him. Here, watch clears throat black lives matter protesters overwhelmingly wear masks. And they werent protesting against wearing masks. Trump is specifically saying no masks. Though he might make an exception for a hood. Another difference is that the black lives ts are outdoors, where covid spreads less easily, and trumps rallies are almost always indoors. But treasury secretary Steve Mnuchin doesnt see the big difference, as he said yesterday. This distinction between indoor and outdoor seems a bit a bit random, and i dont know what people would do if it en he seems pretty confused by the concept of indooroutdoor. as mnuchin am i indoors, or am i outdoors . Is it raining, or are people just spitting on me because im Steve Mnuchin . Yeah. Im going to stick that one day. Of course, the biggest trump rally of all will be this summers Republican Convention originally set to take place in charlotte, north carolina. But trump changed his mind when he found out they care about the safety of their citizens. Because governor roy cooper wants to maintain social distancing, but in a phone call, trump told him, i dont want to be sitting in a place thats 50 empty. Oh, you didnt enjoy your inauguration . Are we not are we not doing this one . I figured, i thought okay, were not doing this one. So trump said nuts to north carolina, and went looking for a city willing to risk its citizens lives and allow a largescale event amid the conapandemic. Which is why the top contender could only be one place jacksonville, florida we all know their motto what happens in jacksonville. Is prohibited by Health Officials everywhere else. And what a convention its going to be, bcause last night, the Republican National committees executive panel also looks like mitt romneys not going to be sitting alone after all apparently, the g. O. P. Didnt think to update their statements from 2016 based on who is in the white house in 2020. Which is why their official platform currently reads, yes, turio abanita uple of wives, too. Now there may be one upside to this global pandemic, because thats right, the cocaine market has taken a huge hit. And not just because the n95 masks make it nearly impossible to do a bump in the bathroom at the club. Experts say that lockdowns and a huge drop in travel challenged the ability of cartels to move product by land, air or sea. They still havent figured out a way to move coke over the internet, even though it seemed like a surefire idea last night when they were doing all that coke. They cant move it by land, air, or sea, which leaves only one option. Mr. President , iis time for you to form a new branch of Drug Enforcement space narcs stephen in space, no one has to tell you theyre a cop. The lack of buyers for their product has gotten so bad that growers are calling this the great coca crash of 2020. As opposed to the great cocaine crash, which happens about two hours after you run out of flake and realize you put your life savings into a spanishchinese fusion food truck. Speaking of bumping some junk, sex. During the pandemic, new york city Health Officials want to lend you a helping hand. Because of restricted access to Sexual Health clinics, theyre offering well, that is very thoughtful. But when the delivery man comes, be careful about offering him a e city hea also released new guideldemic sg they even released this instructional video. Thats nice, to see tom cruise doing a p. S. A. The city offers commonsense advice, like you are your safest sex partner. Unfortunately, also the laziest. Sorry, its not my birthday. Mostly, they want you to avoid kissing, or really doing anything facetoface. So the officials are advising you to be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls. Well, i never thought i would say this, but build the wall build the wall and if shes into that sort of thing, lock her up . So new yorkers, fill your bedside table with brick and mortar, and warn your neighborsw and pulitzer prizewinnng journalist Wesley Lowery. But when we return, meanwhile join us, wont you . Tenderness. My psoriasis. Cosentyx works on all of this. Cosentyx treats the multiple symptoms of Psoriatic Arthritis to help you look and feel better. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Watch me learn more at cosentyx. Com. [10th gen intel bong] til everyone can enjoy a professional clean feel. At home. Introducing new best foods drizzle sauce craveworthy flavors you can drizzle, dip and dress to make home the best restaurant around new drizzle sauces from best foods were on the side of food. An extra 15 percent credit on car and motorcycle policies . Ok . Thats 15 percent on top of what geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for . Dj khaled to be your motivational coach . Yo devin remember to brush in a circle motion. Thank you. Dj. Khaled. Tiny circles, devin. Do another one. Another one. Is this good . Put in that work, devin. Dont give up. Geico. Save an extra 15 when you switch by october 7th. Im an associate here at amazon. Thisice is giving us anccatate chk. Thats how i am. I have a son, and he said, one day im gonna be like you, im gonna help people. Youre good to go, maam. I hope so. This is my passion. If i can take of everyone who is sick out there, i would do it in a heartbeat. Stephen welcome back, everybody. You know, i spend a lot of time braiding the finelybrushed hair that is the days top stories, conditioning every strand, painstakingly twisting every section into the beautiful, salonquality chignon that is my monologue. But sometimes folks, i gather up an unwashed, uncombed knotpile, wrap it in a scrunchie from seventh grade, and throw it into the greasy, unevenly dyed, splitended bun of news that is my segment quarantinewhile stephen in order to offer nocontact service to his customers, a butcher in rochester, new york has installed a 24hour meat machine. By the way, 24hour meat machine . Also my stripper name. Im not proud of it. But i was young and i needed the meat. The machine allows customers to and if you like that, be sure to check out their ground beef softserve. Quarannewle, a japanese bus company has come up with a solution to travel in the covid19 era and here it is in action. There you go. Yep. And safety. Now, i know that looks like its just a baby stroller hood for adults, but this is japan, so its probably also a sex thing. Also, in japan, Amusement Parks had been closed since february to help stop the spread of coronavirus, but they may be opening again soon with guidelines to do so safely. One of the new rules for visitors no screaming. So take your kids to the dead silent Amusement Park and try not to think about how youre all inside an episode of black mirror. Isnt this fun, kids . The clowns are so. Quiet. Quarantinewhile, there is some good news out there, but you have to go to space to find it. Recently, spacexs crew dragon capsule successfully docked with the International Space station, and here is the historic moment the two astronaut teams meet. And its the firstever going in for a handshake when the other guy thinks its going to be a hug in outer space uhh, houston, that was awkward. The two nasa astronauts were sent up with these snazzy outfits. The designer says the goal was to have the astronauts put the suit on and look better than they did without it, like a tux. But these things are way better than an actual tuxedo, because its perfectly acceptable to go to the bathroom in them, which, let me tell you, is frowned upon when you are hosting the Kennedy Center honors. Im sorry, i was just really moved by aretha. Quarantinewhile, researchers have discovered that ancient people in the kingdom of judah may have gotten high off weed. Which explains why moses was taking orders from a burning bush. as stoned moses hear me, o israel ive got the munchies. Lets go to the land of milk and honey. No, wait, better idea lets go to the land of mozzarella sticks dipped in ranch dressing. God, where is this place . I feel like ive been wandering for like 40 years. The researchers came to this conclusion after they hence, the origin of the phrase that is some good bleep . Well be right back with pulitzer prizewinning journalist wesley lowrey. [captain] she definitely made him tiger food, right . [orange] hey, whats up guys . [ginger] oh my god [captain] orange, why are you naked . [orange] oh god, is my camera on . [captain] ill never unsee this. [orange] okay hold on. Hows that . [miscellaneous reactions of disgust] [orange] floridas finest baby. [misceldoes your deodorantf disgustprotect you all day . We put dove men care to the test with mike who transforms homes for those in need. I feel comfortable and protected all day long. Dove men care 48h freshness with triple action moisturizer. Step up. Prep up. Up. Prep up. To help keep you free from the risk of hiv. From the makers of truvada, theres another prep optio