President trump, are you willing tonight to condemn White Supremacists and militia groups . crickets its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight shut up, man plus, stephen welcomes john lithgow and jonathan alter. Featuring jon batiste and stay homein. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. I dont know about you, but i am still recovering from last nights agonizing president ial shoutfest, in which donald trump interrupted joe biden over 70 times while Chris Wallace tried to stop him like a baby throwing pennies at a battleship. Trump was out of control the entire evening. The whole thing gave a new meaning to the term white noise. But i dont know what Chris Wallace was supposed to do. At the next debate, they should just give the moderator a button to bring on the slime. Im not the only one who despised last nights debate. According to a cbs poll, of the people who watched it, 69 felt annoyed. Annoyed. Really, evidently, gouging out my eyes with a grapefruit spoon was not an option. Surprisingly, the very same poll found that 17 of debate watchers came away feeling informed. Really . 17 felt informed after watching that . What did they learn . I learned that when they go low, they can actually go much lower. A cnn poll also found that six in 10 say biden won the debate. Won . I take exception to that. There are no winners here, except for aris, the trickster god of chaos. A winner implies a contest where the parties follow agreedupon rules to reach a specific goal. This was more like watching a basketball game where the final score was the beautiful flames. They talk to me upon one thing that experts agree on is debates dont really change anything. So nothing is going to change, and we have to do this two more times you know what they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting donald trump to shut up. Its hard to watch any of this and believe anyone could still be out there undecided, but they evidently are. And last night, there was a focus group of these mentally impaired unicorns organized by republican pollster and guy drunk dialing batman, frank luntz. Luntz hi, frank gathered 15 undecideds to respond to the debate over zoom. Oh, please, please can we do the next debate over zoom . as moderator mr. President , im putting you on mute. No, dont share your screen your tabs arent safe for work and luntz asked them this question michelle, word or phrase to describe donald trump tonight . Horrid. Sarah . Chaotic. Rob . Unpolished. Ruthy . Crackhead. Stephen crackhead. How dare you malign the good name of crackheads. Unlike donald trump, crackheads have a clear policy give me some crack. One focus group member offered this screaming stephen youre supposed to use the dial, merrill. Just use the dial. But despite their harsh words about trump, the voters still couldnt make up their minds postdebate, like jennifer from pennsylvania, who said this oh, i am definitely undecided. I have no clue who im going to vote to for. I dont know whos going to get my vote. I want to see another debate. Stephen what . At this point, i truly do not know what could sway undecided voters. Well, the one guy makes me embarrassed to live in my country. But the other guy is sleepy, according to the first guy who, again, is a total psychopath. So, its a coin toss. Jennifer wasnt alone. Rob from iowa said this that was embarrassing. Personally, its a dartboard for me right now, whos gonna win it. Stephen really . Because watching trump, my reaction was less dartboard and more tranq dart the only thing i havent done a good job, and its because of the fake news. Its just fake news. Stephen its fine. Theyre going to put an ear tag on him and release him back into the wild. Hes got a very high threshold for pain. One focus group member did stand out from the rest by delivering a clear, concise opinion of the president. Heres luke from Wisconsin Trump is annoying. Hes unpresident ial. Hes annoying. And its like nails on a chalkboard. Stephen yes, finally thank you, luke. Youre living proof that undecided voters are capable of seeing the light and but him acting that way doesnt necessarily impact my bottom line. Stephen uh, meryl, if you dont mind . screaming stephen thank you. But the most horrifying moment of this or really any debate was when the president of the United States did not condemn White Supremacy. Are you willing tonight to condemn White Supremacists and militia groups sure. Im willing to do anything. I want to see peace then do it, sir. Do it. Say it. You wanna call them . What do you wanna call them . Give me a name. Gie me a name. White supremicists and right wing militia. Proud boys, stand back and stand by. Stephen thats not denouncing. Thats troubling. Its like when the debate moderator asked nixon to denounce psychotic thrillkill cults, and he said manson family, stand back and stand by. Have you seen the little piggies crawling in the dirt . Helter skelter. Helter skelter he said that. I legally could not make that joke unless he actually said that. If im wrong, mr. Nixon, call me. The proud boys heard trumps message loud and clear, because within minutes, Group Members called the president s comment a tacit endorsement of their violent tactics. Now, thats just not fair. There was nothing tacit about it. Thats like saying cardi b offered a tacit endorsement of natural lubrication. The president s choice of words was so inspiring to these racist numbskulls that today, the proud boys started selling merch with their new catchphrase. A good indication that you didnt properly denounce someone is when they make your denounciation their new slogan. Thats why joe mccarthy never wore a tshirt that said, at long last, sir, have you no decency . Now this is a weird little detail. The proud boys name is a reference to a song from the staged musical version of the disney film aladdin. Its an obscure reference to broadway. But thats just what you expect from toxic rightwing alpha males show tunes fosse, fosse, goose step, fosse, fosse, shoot. The group has staunch rightwing beliefs, including venerating the housewife. Listen, i hope they have good lawyers, because thats also the name of andy cones new bravo show most alarmingly, their platform also includes a pledge to refuse to masturbate. Which is odd because their white power hand gestures look like theyre ready to, lets say, flog the furor at any moment. Where did they recruit these young men . as mom knocking what are you doing in there, johnny . as teen nothing. God, just planning a race war and what do they mean, refuse . Whos out there demanding that they masturbate . as proud boy all these socialist feminists with their yoga pants and sports bras want me to hammer my own sickle ooh, they would love me to seize my own means of production not today, comrade no, down, down the Southern Poverty Law Center describes the proud boys as a fight club fraternity of young white, protrump men. Might seem like an odd comparison, but remember this scene from the movie the first rule of fight club is dont masturbate the second rule of fight club is dont masturbate stephen speaking of wankers; donald trump. The president apparently didnt get his fill of screaming into a camera last night, so he helped himself to some leftover rage in tonights edition of chopper talk stephen well, it seems like somebody in the white house started looking at the numbers and realized that siding with a Violent Hate Group doesnt poll well with suburban women, because today, trump said this i dont know who the proud boys are. I mean, youll have to give me a definition, because i really dont know who they are. Stephen as trump i dont know any proud boys. My boys eric and don junior are ashamed boys. And they should be. If they were just born girls, i could have had two more ivankas now, he continued by saying the people who he doesnt know should stop doing any of the things he doesnt know about any of them doing. Again, i dont know who proud boys are. But whoever they are, they have to stand down, let Law Enforcement do their work. Stephen notice he didnt actually denounce the proud boys. So his walkback still had a hint of goose step. While trump rambled about new york, one reporter gave him one more chance to clearly and definitively denounce White Supremacy. And he clearly and definitively took a pass. They should stop Defunding Police like they have done in new york but were talking about White Supremacists, sir. Like theyve done in new york. I just told you. But do you denounce them . Do you denounce ive always denounced any form of White Supremacy . Any form any form of any of that, you have to denounce. Stephen didnt say it again as lady donald, do you love me . as trump you gotta love and love is you gotta do it. Ive always said i love loving, in any form. But again, he tried a variation on the very fine people on both sides thing. But i also joe biden has to Say Something about antifa. Its not a philosophy. These are people that hit people over the head. Stephen as trump these people are head boppers, little bunny antifoo running through the forest, pickin up the proud boys, and boppin em on the head. With tuna cans. Still, trump feels good about last nights debate, because, uh, ratings . I thought the debate last night was great. Weve gotten tremendous reviews on it. I thought it was a great evening. It was an exciting evening, i see the ratings were very high. Stephen just because a lot of people watch something doesnt mean something is good. I hear public executions were quite popular in their day. That doesnt mean we should have a tv show called so you think you can have a head. And for the record, hes lying. The ratings for the debate were sharply down. Thats such an easily checkable lie and he just doesnt care. Its like were in that George Orwell novel, you know the one with the pigs that stood on their hind legs . Because its 2020, the belowthefold story today is the president of the United States committing massive tax fraud and raiding the treasury of the United States to keep his failed Business Empire afloat. All week, the New York Times has been reporting on trumps taxes from the last 20 years. On monday, we found out that in the two years before the apprentice debuted, trumps side income was mostly confined to 500,000 for appearing in the big n tasty burger ad. I cant believe mcdonalds paid him half a million dollars. Dont they know they could have just given him rhw burgers . And trump may have gotten more than money from the deal. Take a look at the ad its amazing a big and tasty for just a dollar . How do you do it . Whats your secret . I dont pay any federal taxes. Huhhuh stephen trump also received 50,000 from the lifetime channel for a juicy nighttime soap that never materialized. Oooh, a trump soap opera we couldve had the days of our wives. As the world burns, and all of my children. That i know of. And now, a new layer has been added to the turdwich, because while his businesses were all failing, trump reportedly made tens of millions during the Great Recession by partnering with multilevel marketing companies. Now, for those of you who dont know, multilevel marketing is a sketchy Business Model where you rope in people to sell a product, then they also rope in others to work for them, and all the money flows up to the top. And if you still dont get it, come over this weekend. I have a fantastic Business Opportunity i think youd be perfect for. Have you ever heard of herbalax drinkable algae colonic supplements . Its going to be huge. Now, in his biggest pyramid scheme, worth 8 million, trump teamed up with a multilevel marketing company, acn, whose clients were told they could make a living from home by selling video phones. And acn was such a scam that, on their own website, they posted a page titled the difference in acn and a pyramid scheme. If you have to say that, i think youve got a problem. I brought this chart explaining that i dont have a cocaine addiction. Its more of a multilevel cocaine opportunity. And i think youre the kind of smart investor who has what it takes to blow things up my nose. Weve got a great show for you tonight. My guests are john lithgow and author jonathan alter. But when we return, Senate Republicans are running scared. Stick around. This week on the upper hands. Special guest flo challenges the hand models to show off the ease of comparing rates with progressives home quote explorer. International hand model jonjon gets personal. Your wayward pinky is grotesque. Then a high stakes pattycake Battle Royale ends in triumph. You have the upper hands its a race to the lowest rate, and so much more. Only on the upper hands. Now any order can be rewarding when you use the app. No matter how you pay, youll be closer to earning rewards and getting more of your favorites for free. More ways to pay, more ways to get rewarded. Starbucks rewards. Tonight, try pure zzzs alled. Night. Unlike other sleep aids, our extended release melatonin helps you sleep longer. And longer. Zzzquil pure zzzs all night. Fall asleep. Stay asleep. Dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh light it up, dynamite shining through the city with a little funk and soul so ima light it up like dynamite cause, ahah, shining through the city with a little funk and soul im a light it up like dynamite, whoa shining through the city withcontactless deliveryoul tarright to your door,very designed for your day. So you can work out, join in, and game on. Just download the target app and try it today. Hersheys. The original cookies n creme. In the tubbs fire. The flames, the ash, it was terrifying. Thousands of family homes are destroyed in wildfires. Families are forced to move and higher property taxes are a huge problem. Prop 19 limits taxes on wildfire victims so families can move without a tax penalty. Nineteen will help rebuild lives. Vote yes on 19. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Lets say hi to jon batiste. Hello, jon jon hello, stephen. Whats the word. Stephen whats the word, thunder . Youre not old enough to know that ad. Im not old enough to know that ad. Thunderbird wine. Jon oh, no, i like that. I like that, whats the word, thunderbird. Stephen whats the price 30 for a full quart. Thats the deal right there. Jon talk about that fred sanford used to talk about. Stephen sham. Ile. Champagne and ripple. Champipple. Youre youre youre such a choir boy. You dont drink. You dont smoke. Its just you, the piano, and the lord all the time. I admire that. Jon yeah, i wish, i mean, something about the piano, when you play i was just playing some of this. You get high off that. Stephen yeah. What is that . Jon thats phillip glass opening. Stephen what is that . Jon thats from his very first solo piano record. It was just his piano works, it was called. Stephen jon, before we go on with the show, did you have any avanity guard piano to share with us . laughs . Jon yeah, of course, always. Lets see. Stephen please. Stephen always a pleasant resolution. Thank you, jon. laughs jon batiste, everybody. Jon yes, indeed. Stephen folks, in less than five weeks, were having what many are calling the most election of our lifetime. But theres more at stake here than just getting rid of donald trump. Theres also winning back the senate and getting rid of Senate Majority leader and five pounds of face in a threepound mask, mitch mcconnell. If the democrats pick up four senate seats, looks like mcconnell will be a backbencher. Thanks to trump shanking the pandemic, republicans are struggling in a lot of red states races. Take South Carolina senator Lindsey Graham, seen here stuffing the lies back in. In 2016, my home state went to donald trump by almost 15 points, but the latest polls out of the palmetto state have graham virtually tied with his democratic challenger, jaime harrison. A harrison win would be amazing. If Lindsey Graham gets thrown out, South Carolina wont have anything left to embarrass it, other than adult men wearing madras. A big reason graham is on the ropes is the cash, the green stuff. Harrison is pulling in massive donations, so now a tearful graham has been hitting fox news to pass the hat. If you want to help me and other republicans, get in the game. They are killing us financially. My opponent is going to raise 80 million. I need conservatives to help me. You need to help us all. Im being outspent four to one, outraised five to one. I need some help. Help me. Theyre killing me moneywise. Help me. You did last week. Help me again. Stephen as graham help me, please ill do anything. I think ive proven that oppose trump, support trump. I cant sell my soul to the devil. He knows that thing is a worthless husk the devil lowballed me. And i also dont have any balls. Well be right back with jon lithgow. I gave them to trump find your rhythm. Your happy place. Find your breaking point. Then break it. Every emergenc gives you a potent blend of nutrients so you can emerge your best with emergenc. Is now even more powerful. The stronger, lastslonger energizer max. It was kind of a shock after i started cosentyx. Im still clear, five years now. Cosentyx works fast to give you clear skin that can last. Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. 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