As a 30 something barmaid who hankers after a better life on the mainland. Sarah Millican host an elephant in the room the show using surveys to discover who. Is the most average Jay Leno and who is the most maverick Matilda. Among the guests at $530.00. First though our comedy travels take us to a tiny island off the west coast of Scotland where life revolves around the town of Millport. Full. Episode one the story. What is an island need to attract to do. Good with lively nightlife braces of historical intrigues. As none of. What they do has nothing with which to try to create new industries surveying the forces of technology build an extraordinary entertainment complex with arcades in cinemas perhaps. I love company has done none of these Nope nothing arguably even relates the nothing Yes Baskin a mere 10 minutes ferry journey on a good day from the central industrial belt of Scotland and 10 light years the rest of the time the eye of completing means conscientiously oblivious to the advance of time in its 10 mil cute the pair and its insignificant little shame me. Lust don't dance did you hear that Bob I gave him a swell she was singing a beautiful tree this evening I think are you feeling oh great I feel more than all right digging it's just kind of the members of our city the studio be full well enjoy it while you can for tomorrow you will no longer see me I'm not going to go blind. Very to all the eventual noisy as from tomorrow whether we cough so 1st thing tomorrow morning I'm on that ferry across that water going away from this miserable little island for 7 days of more fun than you tell you with all my can comprehend and who knows I may never come back and make just disappear forever right going to give us a play a large garden which you should know more time for you hope school be it up the alley driving that bus tomorrow I say the wanted the fast ferry remember. Your car going on after all the hard work and focus but all being well now I am anywhere. You rascal. This is going to be a fairly Yes the Pope in it isn't going to be a pay day but being here since I'm told has been done yet because this is my week off coming to be on the Mainland China. I mean. I could swear. Not so much it's what I mean is it too much beyond just the want to spend same white people who are doing life and no poor but isn't going to be afraid to nice not tell all. I don't want you to go why don't you just stay and have some of my minestrone no decent adopted found out what I was decent adopted child at Gordon this red eye decent adopted father would Albion to f. His adopted child was waiting for the trust to. Help in the cafi if it gets messy it would distort will keep it quiet I got the daughter back I have to go I tried phoning and there's no answer to my ever on who should be I. Don't know but Betty and Betty's not all night and be safe but I didn't mean went what is up about her head lice miss said good idea if you go and I'm sorry it's just a storm adopted father I've been saying storms before I understand the starkness What do you mean what's worrying me is that feel. Like a lot in the way that forecasters mean this state today with your study group think this is a gross thing so you expect it to be true is thing I mean if it just said let me just. A moment to be back in one of these systems more than Gabby would. Write them I'm going to do it $24.00 of them up that's what I'm going to do it would afford them up and say we'd make this b.s. Gabby are you in the middle of nowhere that we damn Isis be and we descend into the tree. See it Robert. Just get your. Wind you going to go to the mainland do it or do you does it really mean and this is milk or it's always raining it's just a matter of how you believe and not some. More than the food. You know but you're just going to try your best with a newspaper in the kitchen. Is on the b.b.c. Who's in charge of the weather. Haha. I want to talk to someone about your weather forecasts it's on hold Yeah this is a night time to get a scramble. Yes I want to know when it's going to start raining as Renay it is raining where I power no water in the committee the a you have listened to me you're smart we put the mind back and the mainstage up to the well you know I have touched the lighting they've probably just hung up on the have your tongue openly it'll be the still home then because I know them I know what you did devil in a boat during the airplane getting the gravel out because it stormy outside and what do we always do in our family when it's your b o. I don't the child are you fully prepared yes adoptive father I have my vest on my dad and my difficulties buttoned right up to the knee. That you make me. Know you are so why be very very careful I will speak and the any smooth talking strange man and not a man he sits with the Valentine cases and this is c.n.n. I accept I will in time not Betty. Goodbye a doctor. I don't have to follow. The ear the phone will be all right now it's amazing what you can do with Sellotape if the phone high stick a war why it doesn't take off when it's Nor. Because when it's not feigning you don't need it for when and why did the ferries go off when it's raining I mean I'm fairly specifically designed for want to think we'd be able to handle a storm by knowing that we are at ever since I can remember here in Millport we handle a storm with a nice game of Scrabble with a big Puerto team. Oh would you look at that he has an award score sheet from 1972 mom had 142 points I was sick and Gordon and dad would join that and you would never that a good use going to pull. And just get the 70. 00 hits you I didn't recognize you but I think the families are notified they. Have you been old enough. I know you'll definitely need to take them. You Out to the company club they are you on just up to the plate because that's all the more you can do not good because you're Ok well shit if valid just going to be shallow because that's probably hard to tell you but they say you do you do it in your face you could be a. Good they are I. Try. To please something you know for just a little pity I don't think you'd in the loop but that oh please oh good I'll put the candle up. As it's 7 waitress That's right as dad used to say one little show at the billboards why he is a Roman guard had to choose some way or pointed off to be here. Or like it there's nothing till like nothing ever happens and that's why I like you if anybody and everybody knows you and everybody knows that nothing ever happens don't you ever want to live somewhere else. No just over that we say to war they're more into the squad school and not just Glasgow more into the cities and turns they have clubs cinema discotheques as well we've got the company club here all hold me back over there more of those lords of clubs over there Moira up there so you can go enter your club and meet some the They've never met before have well you can do that here too during holiday season sometimes but don't you want to go it was cool just to see what it's like Norm I can look at pictures to see what it's like and I've looked enough pictures to know that I don't like it but other places come on look over and Paisley Well I definitely don't want to go to peacefully it stab you as soon as look at you in peace they would noise lewd everybody stabs everybody and peacefully it's the Paisley way of seeing how long rubbish people in Paisley are so wedded about their unconventional use of knifes that the eat everything with a spoon. Pickle it or the one nearest the beginning of the alphabet goes 1st. Oh I've miscues a plate of I got for bob here and the whiskey for myself stopped rationally document aside from the fact that in Bruce's swarmed off to the mainland leaving me behind this battle not only now also then Mind you I am a pension after another from you Bob's will be and may be slow but at least I do my job all of you can something on your mind have passed the expat man pushed a leopard some morning it's not at the door mat till nearly 09 if I delivered it what difference does it mean when you have. A sex. Mormons of moods to deliver and some money. That's not true but can you prove it don't know. Here take that. Well as I walk you talking manly husband Bill was a Usenet in the war you take that man out he who got this one from number one if you delete my post in the morning I'll be balky talking you to find out exactly where you are at this can we have more drinks now I suppose so now you know you can get away with disappeared on me. W. C Oh well then me 1st typically. You go. Oh my God I can't see anything you need to put money in the meter there's a 50 pence under the biscuit tin. So Barker Stuart gave. I just something war like. My. Mother is normal Ok so. There is no bell and the fridge awaits is the sterilized as a part where there's a big tin of marble in the cupboard. You know what's wrong with you adding It's just. Sad sad I. Know you know it's sad seasonal adjustment disorder it's that disease when people get depressed because the weather is bad apparently Prince is smack to get something off the fairies on or off the phone doesn't he walk and I have dog's job all over my tights I am not depressed because the way it does I am sure you are right and so my plan says Margaret b. If she was stuck in the silence with you yes come aboard I'll back kind of marvel. You know you'll be wanting a game of Scrabble How did you notice me well whenever I get to a point in my life when I truly believe things can't get any worse up here to improve matters oh that's not what's he doing I can this with some milk there's nothing as miserable as being caught in a storm is there any milk you must be psychic maybe no then we just have moved all right oh. I think he's doing something it's me I suppose I'd better go and change my type but I didn't know she was that scared to storm let me keep you both as a part and just leave so do you want to know the news for what we have to go to stop she could hear what that's 95 percent of the population of the island she has gone missing. Betty Stockton has disappeared. I don't like being alone I should never have let it go. At least if the Mafia come to get me she'll not be here to see it. Because here I'm. On my own. Well have a shot at me see that there if there's one thing worse than the Mafia and the passon which stepmother have to thank have to find something worse than the Mafia but if that was to be one thing watch than the Mafia it would be be you know you know and when it's stormy you know all kind of happenings up in happening with their day and skip I say. The best thing for this kind of scare is operandi Yes Brandy very good 1st guess. What kind of a doctor father would have a brandy when his adopted daughter was away that Fred's. A very good one. There she stops and always comes into the Ritz for the whole pie and piece every weekday at 20 past every week whatever the weather for the past 30 years or so so she has an innocence lady so it's weird so no assume so she hasn't been as a stranger she's going off patent a person who goes in for a hot. Deeper 30 years that doesn't suddenly go off. And even if she did a menu is extensive enough to cover the most video of teeth so excuse me Delia So have you done anything about the will on the Monday I noticed an official there told that he had no it's been fully focused on his quota for so on the choose to be were waiting and she still didn't appear to be after him to see if anyone could remember Sr since the freighter needed to treat so to d.s.s. Tell there too if she's not here to 20 past the whole pie in peace I'm going right up to her house and chop in a door and find out why she has been for the whole club and you know what she was near Did you know. So so there she has disappeared ship who just was me and so on the door knew I had seen you're wrong because when we didn't get an answer we opened the door and went and looked all over the host just to see if she was maybe just a new dad but she was just with me there. Oh she's probably just going over the whole body without taking anything without killing anyone. Cohort is awful blue isn't just your tale if you're feeling nervous writing them a fiction before you do another kid it hates you wanting a game of Scrabble Oh yes not the lovely manger you have to excuse my failing but my formative years being spent in a children's home in my rudimentary education having been equally he's playing on nor how many counters as it's 6 or 77. Humdrum Oh so that Spore and ones 5 and threes 82101112 double 3 is each team and that's me used all my little so I get an extra 50 points on top so that 60 for me no more it means get your hands of the it's me 1st idea appears to be even more negative than usual loiter because she couldn't get to the mainland tonight to the really good she want to go there for you know either she didn't mention going to pieces we know she sighed and you don't want to do that you know what if there's a new one nor they eat everything with a spoon to Betty have any enemies who know but that you have any dangerous enemies we don't have that sort of person here and little. More that there's all sorts to come over on that ferry and commit God knows Bunty pierce the whole by this great school lesson must we are all by and besides we are not that far from going to your c.p.s. Lee I'm going to. I'll bet with think she's been done away with. A. Hall how come he didn't have to take the war relic before he got served because that Imogen Bob is made to be dad is Bessie's dad Miss Bess and besides the poor would be so needs if he's been stuck on a bus when I'd be out in blues all the p.s.l.e. Act couldn't think of anything less. Mantillas was wrong but I'm a better I just say Ok but. I thought I had to get around something very terrible happened they have to think that I'm up your job he does does he appear to think everything's a mafia job so for the Mafia with the come to Millport and month or some day and Lacey had a reason and who's to say they didn't have a lease with any signs of a struggle in her house No Like I said nothing was touched Oh well then it could be the Mapi they're meant to be they thought it was not the mafia How do you know I just know because I'm of 11 at the way for a start the p.c. Mafia guess where they live. The life of course feel free to state the obvious as a power cut it could just be the meeting again as there's dogs jobby all over the kitchen floor when it's just a thought for a parent car after a candle in the I can just not surprised there that's better I'll just go and check the meter so what do you think happened to their destruction it's probably just meant to get a whole pie in peace and get lost How can you get lost in an island that small I don't know but I there are so many times I wish you would fain don't they hear me go look all better it was the meat. But you still. You seem awful sure that the Mafia having ability still just know we have to 50 is in so will be all right and when I said I'd been told you already knew she disappeared because you already said she had you know you surely don't think that I hadn't had anything to do when something so mysterious happens as a pensioner disappearing into thin air and wish everyone must be under suspicion so we have here been since Friday then yeah Pynchon on Room of the door since Friday I've been asleep and the toilet in the cafe Russell there too I have had absolutely no time to get rid of Betty sturgeon and I don't hear you volunteering really has been since Brady I've been working split shifts in the comedy club so that I could end some time off to support you all great so you didn't have time to get ready based on Geneva Personally I have had the time to get rid of bed. Even with the busy shed you will it is possible to make anything when you involve careful planning but. It's a mystery to me. So it was me one of us possibly a kind of the many things scarier than being stuck in a house the storm in a plane Scrabble with a model that would be enough to do in a whole lifetime Aetate say I mean I think I start to have an obvious that it is that this is not the God of the Not Yeah Ok Is he talking about and nobody and that course but I do not know one minute believes enjoyed the map Yeah well she has new jointer maffia What has she done. Have you heard of the band made a triangle worked the Bermuda Triangle that's what got him on a limb it's an easy of seeing when you miss boot ships and planes a vanished due to a strange phenomena for talking about show so what if it wasn't someone who made Betty's dungeon disappear what it was something what if it was a strange phenomenon you know like Picnic at Hanging Rock. For a hope in peace and disappeared. The story. When unsuspecting school shut up this is a lot of come by nothing ever happens here where nothing happens in those other places either until one day something happens yes and out of all the places in the world where nothing ever happens id why should it be the only place for nothing really does. A strange phenomenon. If it worked if that. Be the biggest to such actions and so look stuff never mind going to the meat mind I mean 100 become an over he has. Attractive people may come here young people even more into. The diminished effects of forward we need pains we need people we need to do all the station may have gone. Before we start going to everyone just take notice of this mark of the. Year notice the red brick mark strategically between here the Ritz County and here better start in toast with the minister Mr notebook and. Attention please I got 19 while you haven't yet we caught a bad tell them why we are here part just get into the. I'm no half way from a vegetable us to. Yes Mrs Pierce late and to clear this meeting of the mill portrays the committee open hang on a minute to meet contact with do good morning recording Dougie come in Dougie. My recording don't get rid of I give Dougie. I'm going to. Tell him to walk back up to be the Star Jones he was again the moderator call him Doogie is requesting to go back up to Betty's diligence house once more. He says he'll see what he could do thank you Moira. Called this meeting of the mill poorest residents committee together to discuss a mysterious happening on the Island Line Messing's but I know Mrs Pierce that was a mysterious happening there one minute gone the next the whole don't get much more mysterious the night I want to talk about the disappearance of Betty started Betty starting as it would seem to fade if I can manage she commend you to 20 past 12 as she normally does and then meant approximately 20 minutes late she has. Been seen since and we have reason to believe she's been the victim of a strange phenomena What reason has anybody hear of the Bermuda Triangle now is that Barry Manilow lamps I knew had me forget the Bermuda Triangle as anybody cared a Picnic at Hanging Rock when a party of schoolchildren went out for a picnic on one in rock and disappear like mice but I must be us are not talking about us plates we're talking about baby stopped I tell you the other gonna have to once and for all it's not as extreme phenomena Oh dear gameplay are you going back up to the start in Tosa hall is poor and. I end up in back and forth to 3 times already this one did you notice anything untoward I could do is sleeping here and I think you could. Talk to the you know knew about Picnic at Hanging rule and the time that you got this is not well no it's not. No. The day trip on the map here is the one Betty would have taken after the peace here at the Rex Caffey last Friday another Hope I die in peace to get to another offered food already. Well so well. But no peace anybody at any point me when I'm through source therefore as proof of that one local strange phenomenon already quiet is someone t