i hope and i pray that this is the last time for me. and that my life will get better after this. >> i tend to think that every time i come in here i'll change, i'll change, i'll change. but i just feel the drugs pull me back out. you know. not even -- however long it takes me to go back to my old neighborhood, it's hard because that's about my sober time right there. so the bus ride over there. there's a lot of dreams and goals and situations that we dream of. but as soon as we hit that fresh air, it's over. >> most of us have dreams that we'll never -- we'll never see realized. and that's a hard thing. but as far as doing the things that i wanted to do, becoming a doctor, you know, things like that, that's never going to happen for me now. >> anybody have a message you want to send out? >> julissa, if you hear me, i love you and i'm sorry. and i just want you to be here for me. give me another chance. i never meant to abandon you guys. >> i just want to say i love my twins very much. they know that. e.t. phone home. my mother, please contact me.