Deceptive magic show, full of misdirection and illusions and slight of hand. Every time we thought we knew exactly where things stood, suddenly they changed. And nowhere more than the place where we begin, the devilish world of hocuspocus politics. 2019 was a blur. Its been a strange year. A year of epic struggle. Ugh. I need a drink. It was normal. Started off with the worst political story, the ukraine scandal. I or as President Trump called it fake news. Its a hoax. Bull [ bleep ]. It is a sordid tale of the president Conspiracy Theory that ukraine not russia was to blame for u. S. Election meddling. Were here just to provide what we know and what weve heard. Do you swear or affirm yet once impeachment hearings got under way, one witness after another said the president and his team did precisely what they are accused of. Everyone was in the loop. The republican response . Aside from rushing a hearing room trying to physically stop the proceedings President Trump has truly been a victim of incredible bias. Impeachment. Some say his actions are bad but not impeachable. Thats one thing. A witch hunt. There are others who just Say Something to the effect of i am not listening, i am not listening, i am not listening. I want no quid pro quo. Quid pro quo. I hear the term quid pro quo one more time ready . You got the cameras rolling, quid pro quo, quid pro quo, quid pro quo. Im going to quid pro myself. Quid pro quo. I wish someone would just make it really simple. Like either he broke the law or he didnt break the law. Worse use of thumbs. Trumps torrent of tweets against his fauxes, laced with foul langu like to take him aside and say hey, ive had experience with twitter. Be careful. Best trend for republicans. The way trump continues to pack the federal courts with conservatives. He is doing it in record numbers. Its what he promised. Its what hes achieving. And now its what hes bragging about. Worst shell game. The president s nonstop attempts in the courts and congress to keep his tax returns private. Can we all just agree hes not releasing his taxes. Hes not doing it. Best way to shake up terrorists, the killing of the isis leader in syria. The president showed enormous courage. He made the right calls. The special forces who checked on albaghdadi put their lives at enormous risk and we should all be grateful. Worst way to shake up the markets, trumps flinging of tariffs at china. Theres a famous quote in the Princess Bride that says never get in a land war with chynna. I would like to add never get into a tariff pissing contest with china. Trumps visit to the Demilitarized Zone with kim jongun which produced only a photo op. And even that wasnt as cool as kims white horse photos later in the year. I feel like president has definitely reached the way politics have been. Its crazy land right now. Theres rules and laws that are being made up every second that none of us ever agreed on. It should be done pretty close to next year. Best broken Campaign Promise as far as democrats are concerned. That wall trump pledged to construct. Three years in, only a tiny fraction is finished. The fact of the matter is the thing is not being built. And mexico is not paying for any of it. Keep government open. As evidenced by a huge funding fight between trump and congress its a dark time. Which no one really won. In the beginning of the year we had a Government Shutdown and people were not getting paid for no reason. Our investigation is complete. Combine all that with the blistering fallout from the russia report which did not condemn but also did not exonerate the president. A stampede of Democratic Candidates vying to challenge trump in 2020. My mailman is running for president. My plumber is running for president. My neighbors dog might be running for president. Every time i watch a debate, im like who is this guy . Never seen her before. As im sitting here right now, four more democrats have entered the race for president. Im just letting you know. Some of their calls for progressive reforms gave republicans their best free shot. Were talking about socialism, folks. One of my favorites moments this year was when President Trump got up in the state of the union and he said america will never be a socialist country. That likely boosted trumps best numbers, roughly 90 of republicans who approve of how he is doing his job. You know what . In star wars the sith lord had a lot of followers. But trumps worst number, the more than 50 of americans who have disapproved of his performance since day one. Any number of democrats could beat him next fall. Whoever can get everyone to listen and get everyones attention in a nontrump way be. I just hope people just, you know, think long and hard before they do any leave pulling or inking, whatever. Quid pro quo. Government is shut down. And for all the uproar, silliness, and partisan sniping, the single most ridiculous political idea of the year. When trump said he wanted to buy green land, at first i thought he was stealing one of my jokes. So did green land and rejected the idea flat out. Green land doesnt want to be a part of our foolishness. Leave them alone. Well have a lot more on the big stories of the year in just a little bit. But for right now, hold on tight. We are about to let the games begin. The decade in sports closed out with truly historic finishes, especially for women who were playing harder than ever before. And come on, bro. You, me, team baddass, you dont want to be a part of this. Its about to go off. We are on target to look at the new golden age of television. Plus later hey, thats my car. All the best, all the worst 2019 will be right back. makeawish child i got this for you. vo when you share the love, you change lives. Over twentytwo hundred wishes granted. More than fifty seven thousand pets supported. Over one hundred National Parks protected. Over two million meals provided. Through the subaru share the love event, subaru will have proudly donated over one hundred seventy Million Dollars to national and Hometown Charities over twelve years. shelter attendant thank you. grandfather thank you. senior thank you. makeawish child thank you. Quitting smoking is freaking hard. St, like quitting every monday hard. Quitting feels so big. So, try making it smaller. And youll be surprised at how easily starting small. Can lead to something big. Start stopping with nicorette need a change of scenery . Kayak searches hundreds of travel sites even our competitors so you can be confident youre getting the right flight at the best price. Kayak. Search one and done. Robinwithout the Commission Fees. So, you can start investing today wherever you are even hanging with your dog. So, what are you waiting for . Download now and get your first stock on us. Robinhood. At tmobile, were lighting up 5g, and when you buy a samsung note 10 5g, you get one free. Plus you can experience it on the nations largest 5g network. So you can stay connected like this. Score a last minute this. Get home easier, like this. And share all of this. With that. So do this. On that. With us. And now, buy a samsung note 10 5g and get one free when you add a line. Everything your trip needs, for everyone you love. Expedia. For sheer escapism, nothing could beat sports this year. And in football, no one could beat the new England Patriots in the postseason. They cruised to a super bowl victory over the Los Angeles Rams tying the record for most super bowl wins ever. The patriots won the super bowl again this year, and im going to quote 97 of football fans by saying boo tom brady proved yet again that hes magical. Go pats. I dont understand the haters. Haters gonna hate. Who hated it most . Fans in new orleans who saw the worst blown call helped knock their team out of the playoffs. The saints should have been in the super bowl and everyone on earth knows it. In the world series, the Washington Nationals with the oldest roster in the league beat the odds to square off against the houston astros. Then beat them dramatically in seven games. No one thought they were going to win, no one. That is the beauty. I love it when a team just comes out of nowhere and starts kicking ass. The stanley cup went to st. Louis after the blues put a beatdown on the boston bruins. In the nba, plenty of folks thought golden state would take the trophy again, but not the toronto raptor who is ate up the warriors. It turned into canada versus america which was basically Like Universal Health care versus good luck everybody, and universal health care won. In the wnba, the mystics took the title over the connecticut sun which is noteworthy because this was the year of women in sports. In soccer, the u. S. Womens team won the world cup again. The 20 victory over the netherlands gave them back to back titles. Thats the american spirit of sheer determination. In tennis, the reigning queen rocked while 15yearold coco gauff rolled into fans hearts at the u. S. Open before falling to japans naomi osaka, which gave us the best moment in sportsmanship. So, the coco naomi moment of coming together, hugging it out, thats what our country needs. Simone biles gets the best bling, racking up the most world medals ever won by a female gymnast. Shes simone biles height right now. And in running, the great elliott kachogi broke the barrier for the marathon in a demonstration. But in chicago, bridgette koske crushed a longstanding womens record for 26. 2 miles. Two hours and 14 minutes. Thats how long it takes me to eat brunch, you know, at a good place, Table Service and stuff. I would like to take the car to the finish line and then just show up there and go [ breathing heavily ] and then collapse at the reporters feet. If you werent paying attention to sports, well, no problem. There were plenty of other Entertainment Options out there. In an astonishing year of television, all you had to do was figure out what to watch in the box of wonders. Worst goodbye in all seven kingdoms. Game of thrones sent its last dragon flying off. The series was a roaring success from the start but the end be with me. You know, the final season of game of thrones was kind of like vegan hot dogs. You really wanted to like it, but it just made everyone really angry. What is it you really want . Ice cream. Best and most bittersweet wrap up to a groundbreaking series, the final season of orange is the new black. You shouldnt be afraid. Its the first step in moving on. The last episode was really emotional for me. I was like in the middle of crying and then my post mate arrived and i had to stop. Hey, no spoilers. Another child reported missing in atlanta. Best show about people who really were locked up. Mindhunter. Best show about people who really should be locked up, succession. The key is to act like a happy family. I get why people get into it. But im like, man, youre so rich. Worst problem with so many great programs coming and going, deciding which streaming service to buy into and what to watch once you do. Im a very bad tv watcher. I sit there with the Remote Control and even if its something i like, i click away from it. Youve got a problem . Best art imitating the worst life. It could be barry. Was there ever a time in your life that you did something so terrible that you were ashamed . Cant think of anything. Killing eve. She wants me to know when shes killed someone. Shes behind that door. Or maybe Silicon Valley where making a killing is the whole point. Silicon valley, the final season. Guess whos on it . This kid. And its about 50 50 whether you own a snake. His girlfriend owns a snake. Best show to make you worry in the worst way, euphoria. That show made me never want to let my kids leave the house, ever. Best shows based on the worst events, the unsettling, unbelievable. This guy is out there preying on the most Vulnerable Women he can find. The riveting spy. The horrifying chernobyl, and the heartbreaking when they see us. I want to see my son right now. Right now. It was beautifully tragic in so many ways. And it was amazingly accurate. The place is falling apart. Best shows to watch with tea and biscuits, the crown and the Great British baking show. Just inedible. It was pretty awful. The people are delightful. Everyone is so kind. The accents are glorious, darling. Thats why im going to win shark tank. This is dancing with the stars. What now . In reality tv, dancing with the stars made the worst casting choice, giving former White House PressSecretary Sean Spicer a spin, bringing partisan politics right on to the dance floor. I want fiction. Im done with the idea of reality shows. Out front next. I watch cnn. Extra points for cnn. Anna yes . Just when you thought the bachelorette might be fading, the best one yet showed up. Figure it out or, like, i dont want to do this. Hannah brown, i respect you. I was getting actually upset, i was yelling at my tv. It was amazing. Love hannah brown. Hate luke c. And best body slamming comedy. What i do with my time is my business, my choice, baby. You could give it to russian doll or fleabag. Do you want to have sex . No. But well give the title to glow which continues to shine. You know why i love glow . Because i was young during that time period, so it takes me back. And then after the episode is over i go look in the mirror and then that whole fantasys gone. Dont you disappear. We have much more coming up including all of the big news. Fires, floods, and is it warm in here . Or is it just me . Oh, my god. Plus well look at the hottest films to streak through the theaters. And well say goodbye to a cool cat and hello once again to an unstoppable shark. Its all the best, all the worst 2019. Baby shark the bad news . The perfect photo is not. DependĀ® fitflex underwear offers your best comfort and protection guaranteed. Because, perfect or not, lifes better when youre in it. Be there with dependĀ®. [ alarm b ng ] what if once in a blue moon happened more than once in a blue moon . Reach for the moon. The fierce political battles all around the world raged so loudly this year you could have easily missed a whole lot of other stories yet they kept happening. Roaring blazes in california and the amazon helped make the point. You walk outside and it smells like a neighbor is having a barbecue at an ungodly hour. Like, who is barbecuing at 3 00 in the morning . So did rising Ocean Temperatures and melting snow packs. This year provided the best, meaning the worst, evidence so far of the calamitous effects of climate change. Im already up to like 50 sunscreen and i still get tan. I dont really get that tan. But you know what im saying. Weather analysts say indeed 2019 will go down as one of the hottest ever. In iceland folks even held a funeral for a glacier that vanished. I couldnt actually make it there. I was holding a funeral for an ice cube i had in a glass of soda. How dare you best call for action. Give it to swedens greta thunberg, the young environmental who ripped World Leaders for their lack of action. She should write all the speeches and give all the speeches because she is an intense little person. Greta is a boss and i want to be more like her. Adding to the concern, natural disasters like Hurricane Dorian which tore through the bahamas, leaving breathtaking destruction. Every year theres some type of thing. Each year they seem to be getting stronger and stronger and stronger. Worst weather map. Going toward the gulf. The one shown by President Trump with an extra loop apparently drawn on, seemingly to prove he was right when he said dorian could hit alabama even though meteorologists widely said he was wrong. Best news for an economy that keeps on chugging along. Despite repeated warnings of an impending recession, unemployment is still super low, consumers are still buying, although maybe not as much as they might. All i can tell you is that my local avocado toast is just getting really expensive. And now i can only have it like twice a week. But you talk to economists, what they will tell you is that the trump economy and the numbers inside the trump economy look a lot like the numbers from the obama economy. A problem that shows no sign of easing, Mass Shootings. From a festival in california to an ohio street to a walmart in texas. Like, you cant even go Grocery Shopping for your family without thinking, i could potentially be putting myself in a harmful situation and a dangerous situation just by living my regular life. A close cousin of the violence, rising ethnic hatred, notingly as worshippers were gunned down at a mosque in new zealand. These people were praying, theyre not harming anyone. We need a cultural revolution to stop this wave of hatred and anger where people think they need to go to Mass Shootings to display hate. Every year ive said, i cant wait until this year is over. Amid roiling unrest around the globe, the worst long goodbye goes to the tortured efforts of the United Kingdom to leave the european union. Brexit has become more like brrrr were thinking about leaving maybe at some point. The best news for those who have had it with workplace harassment, the Metoo Movement is still motoring. People are too afraid of being held accountable for things, so maybe now well see real change moving forward. We are finding out that more and more, mostly men, are really gross. Best example. The Jeffrey Epstein case is the worst of humanity. The uberwealthy financier was facing charges related to years of sex trafficking minors and dodging the legal system. The scandal hit a member of the royal family and numerous epstein associates. He was eventually found hanged in his cell. Thats not the way the Justice System is supposed to work and its a disaster. Its just a disaster. Another leg