Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131001

COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart October 1, 2013

Has never before been seen on television and things happen on that show that could only happen on that show and they are remarkable. To my staff and crew, here is the best thing about my staff and crew its not about win or lose, it doesnt matter. You know i saw newhart on stage, if anybody should have a house made out of emmys its bob newhart. He was getting his first at age 135. [ laughter ] so everyone here, never forgets how fortunate they are to have had the kind of run that weve had, to have had the kind of recognition that we have. We know that the opportunity to do what we do every day is a phenomenal one and that is what i love best about this place. Theres not a personal in this building that takes that opportunity for granted. Hell or high water, winning or not winning. Having to watch another bleep 24 hour cable news clip or not, they come in here and we may not always hit the mark but they give everything they have every day and i truly appreciate that about this place. Bar none. Im really proud. Im proud to work with these folks. Its been the honor of my professional life sox lets get to business. As you know, next tuesday, october 1, yes, rocktober or i guess in this country glocktobre which will probably turn into glock vember. That is the day that obamas health care is open for signup. I like my Health Care Like i like my women, universal and with a waiting list for nonessential procedures. [ laughter ] and single payer. [ laughter ] so for me the president s program falls short of that, seems like a bit of a giveway to insurance and giveaway to insurance. But on the other hand 25 people with Health Insurance is better than not that but others have a different critique. It sucks. Sorry . It really does. [laughter] jon Lindsey Graham where is your he can sen trick southern gentility that lends itself to Tennessee Williams or faulkneresque parody. I have always depended on the kindness of strangers that dont suck. No thats no bueno. The point is this United States senator along with his republican brethren believes the Health Care Plan were about to institute, if i may paraphrase here, sucks. [laughter] there slightly more nuance to that critique . We believe that obamacare is a program in a will not work. Jon it sucks. It and it wont work you may wonder how republicans know this program that is yet to be shall enjoy that . Yeah. Were coming for you colbert. Now you may wonder now, you may wonder how republicans know that this program that is yet to be instituted will suck and not work. Well, because theyll work tirelessly to make sure that that is the case. Okay, everything seems normal. When i see you are new to obama care as well. Hop up here, lay down and bring your knees to your chest. Is that necessary . Well try to make this quick. [ laughter ] jon let me get this straight they are the using the same tactic to scare us that burger king uses to try to make its life better. Now im confused. Repeal, defund, information blackout, misinformed, appear toll fear of andal puppet finger banging. [ laughter ] what if of anal pupel finger banging. [ laughter ] what if none of those work. Some are threatening to shutdown the government unless the president agrees to repeal it. Jon to republicans thats not a threat thats a goal. Wasnt the theme of convention . Yeah, thats right. I remember that night. [laughter] filthy. [laughter] how do you let you read it at your own pace. [ laughter ] as the role went roll went around the room some were done. Some were just getting to that. [ laughter ] how do you justify a Government Shutdown . I believe nothing is hurting the American People more, nothing is hurting the economy more, nothing is damaging nothing makes food takes worse. Nothing makes it harder to get an erection, nothing ruins breaking bad like obamacare. What would a Government Shutdown do . Based on the last shutdown in 195 hundreds of thousands of federal workers sent home without pay. Many if not most federal offices and programs programs will be cd shutdown. During the last shutdown 220,000 passport applications were not processed. Jon president obama will be forced to get around on air force 3. The washington monuments fluffer will be furloughed. [ laughter ] why is that we couldnt have pointed that in the other direction . [ laughter ] for god sakes. Move on. Move on. [ laughter ] theres a joke associated with that but i didnt get to it because it moved on. [ laughter ] all right. Forget it. Lets go. I guess if you really sincerely believe this is a terrible program that americans will hate, i have to respect your principled stand ted cruz. Its obama administrations plan is simple to get as Many Americans addicted to the subsidies, addicted to the sugar because they know that in modern times no major entitlement has gone into effect and then been undone. Jon but the sugar in your metaphor is in this case Health Insurance, something that can literally battle the effects of too much sugar. You know how america is with entitlements its like crack to us. You give us one small taste of Social Security suddenly were sucking the bleep of not having our old people freeze to death and not have to live on cat food. Thats it. [cheers and applause] you are protecting america from this terrible obamacare plan that once we get a taste of well never want to be without. You only win if the program fails. Obamacare is your springtime for hitler. It turns out the republicans are not afraid were all going to get finger banged by a puppet uncle sam, they are afraid we lwelllwelt. Jon welcome back. America is say very generous nation. Weve long given aid to starveg millions around the world red sox we forgetting the truly needy . Jessica williams filed this report. For 60 years the United States has been feeding the worlds hungry with the food for Peace Program and recently usaid suggest we had feed four people with one slight change ship less food and send more cash. This may devastate the most vul you are inable among us vulnerable among us. The u. S. Shipping industry is in dire need of support. The number one executive fears shipping companies will be starved for income. The food for Peace Program to the maritime industry is critical. Its our countrys heritage. And you just want to send it overseas with money. They are still going to have to transport the food. Its still going on a ship. Its still going to djabuti. You like them to have what they need. Its a good thing. I understand. I asked the economist Chris Barrett why the administration would want to destroy the countrys critical heritage. What is this issue is the small segment of shippers who put an American Flag on their vessel as a way of capturing windfall. As a way to save american jobs. They are owned by Foreign Corporations that create shell corporations in the us. The windfall gains accrue to people outside the United States. In this day and age its cheaper and safer to send cash. Why not compromise and have the shippers haul money overseas. The same reason you dont take your paycheck in tuna and bags of rice. You dont know how i live. This say weeks worth of taking care making fun of white people. I went to fort lauderdale. Americans are saying there are children dying, how do we get people to move past that and focus on your industry . They need to be aware that the very part a very important part of our heritage is disappearing. Were going to lose that because of cash, because ngos want more cash. I say stop it. Stop it right now. Get it out of here get it out of here. To save our International Shipping conglomerates we need to think outside the box. If you were trying to help out a friend in need halfway the across the country, are you going to fill a basket of food in the local Grocery Store and then walk down to fedex and spend about 60 cents out of dollar you spend and ship it across the country. Fedex ships food . Thats not the point. Im making a point. Charity at home. Can i get 300,000 roast beef sandwiches. 300,000 . And a milkshake, please. In the National Shipping conglom right for the economic need they must balance against the needs of the hungry god bless you save sister. Very nice. [cheers and applause] jon welcome back. My guest tonight the best selling author. His new book is called an appetite for wonder. Please welcome Richard Dawkins. Sir [cheers and applause] thank you for joining us. The book is called an appetite for wonder. And look at you. Look at you with the mop top and the you could have been in a band with that. Thats what i call the grinning idiot picture. The british one has the rupert brooks picture the sideways poetic look. Jon you have both of those, do you . Fair enough. Theres a liberal presbyterian pastor in my audience. [cheers and applause] when i saw liberal, here is how liberal he is, he is jewish. [ laughter ] for better or for worse, you seem to be the avatar for the dividing line of the incompatibility of religious belief and scientific belief. Somehow you have, through maybe your words. Ill take that. Jon his question was can you let Richard Dawkins now that there are religious individuals with a strong belief in god who believe in the scientific method. Does that seem incongrewous today . No, im well aware of that. [cheers and applause] jon he said ask him if hes aware of that and i go, im pretty sure assist wear of that. Its a point i make. I often join joyces with bishops and other friends to combat the ant scientific antiscientific thought of religion. Jon here is my proposal for the discussion tonight do you believe that the end of our civilization will be through religious strife or scientific advancement. What do you think will be in the longterm be more damaging to the prospects of the human race. The astronomer royal martin reese and president to the Royal Society gives humanity a 50 chance of surviving through the 21st century. Jon wait, hold on, i have to do some math. Oh, fine. [laughter] and one of the reasons is he fears that the fruits of scientific the bad fruits things like dirty bombs, things like biological warfare could get into the hands ever religious of religious fan natives who un fanatics who unlike all other terrorists want to die. They want to go to paradise. The question you ask the answer is both that science provides in the form of technology, weapons which have only been available to reasonably responsibility governments responsible governments will likely become available to nutcases who believe that their god requires them to wreak havoc and destruction. Jon doesnt it though let scientists off the shook to some extent to suggest that their work could only be misused by those whose minds are boggled by religious fanaticism. Dont you think its possibly more likely that we will create something that the unintended consequence of it is worldwide can catastrophe . Its possible. Its something we have to worry about. The precautionary principle, i think is very important. Science is the most powerful way you want to do. If you want to do good its the most powerful way of doing good and if you want to do evil its the most powerful way. Jon i guess its the third love for every equal action theres an opposite reaction. You split an add yom. You go atom and you can light the world going this way. And if you go this way you can blow up the world. It seems like we try this way first. [laughter] theres a theory that why we dont et civilizations that when it reaches a point when its capability of broadcasting radio waves we can pick up theres only a brief window of what we can pick up. Producing the horrific technology which then gets out of control. Winking into action, briefly and then killing themselves. Jon why do you think it only takes them a few centuries . Thats just the speculation. Jon you feel like we are low achieving when it comes to destroying ourselves . Not at all. It takes many billions of years for evolution to reach the point where Technology Takes off. But once Technology Takes off its an eye blink by the standard of biological time. This is speck laiks. Reporter at this point the only jon at this point the only speculation i hear from you is pessimistic. Its easy to look at the dark side of fundamentalist and the damage kit do. Sometimes i think we have to challenge ourselves and look at the dark side of achievement. I believe that the final words man utters on this earth will be it worked. You know what i mean . It will be an experiment that isnt misused but will be a rolling catastrophe. Its a possibility. Jon a pretty good possibility. Im more optimistic about that. Jon about science . Yes, yes. Jon in terms of its ability to control. Curiosity killed the cat and the cat never saw it coming. Can you stick around . Oh, yeah. Jon beautiful. An appetite for wonder is on the bookshelves now. Richard dawkins, well continue ourationrsation [cheers and applause] jon thats our show. Joining you tomorrow at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. At this Clinton Global Initiative bono had fun with president clinton. When i first met bono he walked into the oval office and i actually thought it was [daily show theme song playing] two. Two, three. Bender free beer . panting free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beerbeerbeerbeerbeer beerbeerbeerbeerbeer free. birds squawk grunts

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