cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon welcome to the daily show nice to see you my name is jon stewart. Coming up tonight, Sigourney Weaver is going to be joining us cheers and applause i do want to also thank wwe last night. They showed my son and i. Such wonderful hospitality. One wick question to them, if i may, how do you get ball marks out of your shoe . Is that something you buff . But first before that shalom. My friends, welcome to a very special night. The Prime Minister of israel Benjamin Netanyahu, addressed Congress Today in observe vans of the sake in observance of the sacred holiday of suukonitmr. President. laughter it was a festival of slights. Its a blessed tradition dating back all the way to january when House Speaker john boehner invited netanyahu to speak to Congress Without consulting the white house why didnt the speaker run it by the white house . I did not consult with the white house. The congress can make this decision on its own. Its a way to poke the president in the eye . I dont believe im poking anyone in the eye. laughter im merely taking a sharp stick thrusting it forward at commanderinchief cornea level thats where this president keeps his eyes laughter jon of course, Benjamin Netanyahu was on hand to explain to our congress why our president should not be negotiating a nuclear deal with iran and even though netanyahu was speaking only two weeks before the israeli election, he wasnt there just to use our congress as the most elaborate Campaign Backdrop ever. I feel i am i representing all the citizens of israel even those who do not agree with me, a representative of the entire jewish people. I feel a deep concern for all the citizens of israel and the state of our people. Jon i speak for all jews including the ones who dont want me to because those jews are wrong yeah, dont thank me. The truth, is no one can speak for all jews for we are a varied people, a rich tapestry. We have a lot of opinions on things. Something cnn wanted to get in on. Excuse me arguing jon when did cnn start hosting my familys seders . shouting and not for nothing you dont think its patronizing cnn to change to this . Well get over it. laughter jon are you kidding me . That actually happened on cnn. I guess they couldnt pull off the batmanspitting yamaka i guess from now on this is how cnn is going to be shown in airports laughter how will the Obama Administration handle this unprecedented eye poke. I think its important to realize the depth of the u. S. Israeli relationship. Under my administration billions of dollars have gone to support israels security, and the military and intelligence cooperation is unprecedented. That bond is unbreakable. Thats how powerful israel is. The the Prime Minister comes here publicly slapping obama in the face and the president s response is everyone should know im buying him gloves so when he hits me it doesnt hurt his hand as much laughter not that there wont be repercussions. The white house ieferg icy well come to netanyahu. Joe biden is snubbing netanyahus speech. Jon right, thats why the Vice President is in guatemala to snub the speech, not to protect mrs. Netanyahu from groper cleveland. laughter groaning all these global tensions must be tightening your shoulders mmm let me just bite a little bit of your neck, nyum nyum nyum nyum nyum laughter of course, the president did gently point out the uproar that would have occurred had a Democratic Congress invited a former leader who was criticizing a republican president. When george w. Bush initiated the war in iraq they had invited lets say the president of france to appear before congress to air those disagreements or criticize, i think most people would say well, that wouldnt have been the right thing to do. Jon right, they might have said that or gone bleep bananas republicans would have demanded the inviters be arrested for sedition and treason not just for france not joining our coalition republicans had the word french removed from Capitol Building fries and renamed ketchup. I have to admit, after all that buildup, i was pretty excited for the speech but nowhere near excited as congress who cheered so loudly as netanyahu entered the room they broke cspans sound equipment. The Prime Minister of israel cheers and applause audio static jon i was a miracle a standing ovation lasted eight minutes. It was the state of the Union Address republicans wanted delivered by the leader they wish they had and netanyahu wasted no time explaining why there was no time to waste. Thats why this deal is so bad. It doesnt block irans path to the bomb it paves irans path to the bomb, irans breakout time would be very short about year. Jon the jewish assessment would be shorter. We like to cut a little off the tip. laughter one year bibi, if iran is that close, why didnt you bring that urgent warning about iran Going Nuclear sooner . Oh, you did. Apparently time was also running out 19 years ago. The most dangerous of these regimes is iran. If this regime or its neighbor iraq were to acquire Nuclear Weapons this could present catastrophic consequences. Only the United States can lead this vital International Effort to stop the nuclearization of terrorist states. Time is running out. We have to act. Jon why is he not aging . laughter really seems to be the story is not will iran get a Nuclear Weapon but more the world needs netanyahus antiaging secret because it just cant be chick pea oil and lemon. It cant be this brings up the difficult issue, what many in our government love about netanyahu is his conviction and certainty. In the middle east iran now dominates four arab capitals baghdad, damascus, beirut and sanaa. Jon we have to act. Look how iran expanded its power since the fall of savmed saddam and the destabilization of the region i mean, what kind of idiot wouldnt have seen that coming in 2002 . Oh shalom if you take out saddam, saddams regime i guarantee you that a it will have enormous positive reverberations on the region. The reverberations of what happens with the collapse of saddams regime could very well create an implosion in a neighboring regime like iran. Jon or the opposite. But in the house chamber, there was no such reflecting. Netanyahu wrapped his speech up and it was time for another ten minutes of applause. Whether or not netanyahu achieved his goals of sabotaging a deal with iran or mistaken by opened up a rift, the u. S. Israeli relations one thing is certain the inchamber response to this speech was by far the longest blowjob a jewish man has ever received. Well be right back. cheers and applause cortana, when my wife calls remind me to tell her happy anniversary. Next time you talk to caroline ill remind you. Oh, and remind me to get roses when im near any store. Sure thing. Remind you when you get to store. Cortana, its gonna be a great night. Oh, wow thanks for the traffic alert. I better get going. Youre making me look good. Thanks, cortana. You bet. When you ache and havent slept. Youre not you. Tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. We give you a better night. Youre a better you all day. Tylenol®. Its effects on society really came about because, not because i was selfish and wanted one for myself, which i did. Its because i had, had a passion. My whole life i wanted to teach myself to build computers. I wanted to build these things for free. I just wanted to do it for the world and you know when you want something, thats what you do the best. Easy kimmie. Dont wake him. Do it. [crunch] huh [laughing] looking good frank. Looking good. Double coverage . No problem. Triple covered . Yes, please. For a limited time at pizza hut get the triple cheese covered stuffed crust pizza. Order a large for just 11. 99. Now thats gamechanging flavor. Only at pizza hut. B cheers and applause jon welcome back so the Prime Minister netanyahus visit to United States has spurred a storm of debate on television, online and print especially in print dueling ads in the New York Times. A fullpage ad in the New York Times had this message for netanyahu, congress is not a prop for your election campaign. This fullpage ad in saturdays New York Times suggested National Security advisor susan rice might allow genocide in israel. Jon for more on this passive aggressive death match we go to analyst assif mandvi. Thanks for joining us assif what a great day for traditional media jon really . A slowmotion jewfight in the a section is a great day . Doesnt this put the paper of record in an awkward position assif sure, if you consider being buried in money awkward. Think about it, jon. What would you have said a week ago if id asked you what it would take to save the Publishing Industry . Jon i dont know, a comet knocking out the internet . Newspapers printed on belgian chocolate . Jon great ideas. But not as good as angry jews. Jon really one of the better iphone games ive played. applause assif those ads cost 150,000 apiece. Jon how can two ads save the print industry . Assif it started as two adds but like all conflicts involving israel, this fight has spilled out to occupy all Available Space in the area. Antinetanyahu groups bought out the front page to have the food section. Jon i see what they did there. Assif then the probibi lobby struck out with this page in the vow section. Jon wow i want to hate that couple but i strangely envy the heartwarming, quirky way they met. Assif yeah. Jon i cant believe it. Assif thats when the fight spilled over into the masthead. Jon the masthead is supposed to be neutral i know the great lady has fallen on hard times but that is no reason to start turning tricks. Almost makes you want to switch to television. Assif lets check the tv listings. Jon the times have given up if all the sections have been rented out to the highest bidder whats left for journalism . Assif the section is about to run a huge trend piece about people buying ads in israel in the times jon thats trend setting assif theyre bumping the section about how young people are getting tattoos and hooking up. Jon pretty good scoop. Assif things going great for the times. Did you see the weekender . Jon did you rob the news stand . Assif no, this is one copy. Every jewish group in the country had to get their two cents in. You know all the trees you have been planting in israel . Jon the people in israel plant trees, correct, thats what we do. Assif theyre all gone. Jon thank you, air we did it charlie. At ts network now has the nations strongest lte signal. Lets go tell everybody. Were doing things like putting lte radios at the top of our towers. To maximize power. And give you the strong signal you deserve. Tjivs awesome isnt is awesome . so yall optimizied it . We optimized it people of earth. Oh boy. Americas strongest lte signal is here 00000000000000000000 welcome to our sales event. [crowd] thanks jan. Youre the best jan. Oh nice. 0 apr financing on select models. Hey, on top. Youre welcome. And thats my typical day. [kids cheering] youre up. You wanna. Nope. At our 1 for everyone sales event, get 0 apr financing for 60 months on a 2015 prius. Offer ends march 31st. For great deals on other toyotas, visit toyota. Com. This is out of this world. You bet your asteroid. Toyota. Lets go places. Thanks to the true fans of the bell. And thanks to the sriracha maniacs. Without all of you, we never would have thought of this. The new sriracha quesarito. Layers of our insanely good sriracha sauce in the quesarito you love. Only at taco bell. [sfx bong} will twizzlers mixed berry bites ever end their rivalry with jolly rancher filled gummy bites . Not today. Bites. Little greatness. When you set out to find new roads, you obsess over perfection. Evolve function. Elevate form. And create the highest quality midsized sedan. Chevrolet. The most awarded car company of 2014. Right now, get zero percent apr financing for six years plus 1000 purchase bonus cash on this 2014 cruze. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Jon got a new movie out. The worlds full proper artificial intelligence, might be smarter than a human. I can show the piece of art. This being could judge that art. It could decide if it liked it. It could write music and poetry. Do you realize you just came to the c. E. O. Of a publicly traded weapons corporation and pitched a robot that can write . Jon welcome to the program Sigourney Weaver cheers and applause jon join us if you please i would love to jon how are you . cheers and applause im great. Jon you know youre in my wheelhouse here with this movie. This movies in my wheelhouse. Im just pointing at nothing. I never know what wheelhouse means. Jon like the robot discussion. Oh the robot discussion is very interesting. Jon thank you. This is what i have been saying to people who tell me to stop talking back stage. I know robots who can take care of those people. Jon chappy. Thats right. Jon chappy, i think its a very interesting concept, this idea that a robot who can think and feel who has become human, smarter than humans and you would like to make it a gun. You would like to turn it into a weapon. Actually, chappys model is a gun and the wonderful thing about the movie is that the rappers from south africa theyre playing themselves. Theyre awesome. They steal what they think is a police robot to help them do heists but by mistake steal this conscious robot they name chappy and they try to teach him to be like a rapper and a gangster, and its awesome. Its a great movie. Jon this is the type of thing see, i love anything that intersects with this idea. So its like a naturenurture. So what is consciousness . What is all that . It always comes down to robots with weapons. Ultimately, thats where were going as a people. He uses ninja stars in a way that i cant. I use other weapons well, fake weapons, but not that. Jon does the robot really use ninja stars . He really does. Jon you would think a robot could do better than ninja stars. He doesnt realize hes hurting people, you see. So he has lots of bling and he had actually Charla Coakley who plays him when the little shorts fall off over the motion capture suit. Jon the robot is played by a person . Yes, the star of district 9. Jon thats amazing. You and the director is he fascinated by this robot dilemma . Well, you know, i guess there are two kinds of a. I. One people arent that worried about which is the a. G. I. , we is general intelligence, which is robots are going to be helpful and who can win on jeopardy. And then a. S. I. Which is the superior intelligence that will outrun us and well be like chimps to their intelligence, and people like bill gates think perhaps this is dangers and we might become extinct and the robots will take over but i am looking forward to robots myself personally. I want a little chappy in my kitchen, you know. I do. So im not worried. Jon let me ask you this because im afraid of my rumba. So is that a. G. I. Or a. S. I. And how close are we to being the chimps in this relationship . Well, there are different estimates of the time. I think some people say 2025, 2050. Jon oh okay. Thats fine. By then well be using our ninja stars and well be fine. Jon ill just be, like chappy change me laughter i wont even care at that point. Heres my point about the robots and all that in any of these distaupian type novels, every time man makes something that he believes will be beneficial to us, we dont see the unintended consequences and it becomes our prison and our doom and i think these robots you know, because were in a very interesting point right now. Chimps could take us over. Weve seen that in the movies. Not chimps, apes i should say. Yeah. Jon and now robots could. So were really stuck between a rock and a hard place. They may improve on us. You know, we keep making the same mistakes and having wars and things like that. They may be more intelligent and rational than we are. Might be a good thing. Jon that one lady in the audience almost well, i paid her laughter jon that lady was like. laughter yes. Jon who knows, theyll find out im a robot, now what do i do . How do we program her . Jon can i just say, you were in russia for a little bit promoting the film and you think they will respond well to this and not get any crazy ideas . For all i know, the journalist who is interviewed me might have been robots. Jon dont you have people who check . I have a little robot dog that goes over and sniffs. Jon i would have a poker, somebody to just go in and be, like, yeah, thats a person. Ill do that next time. Jon you have to be exhausted. I feel good. Im going out dancing now. Jon you always look good, you always bring me energy. Im delighted to see you. Chappy is on the theaters friday . Friday. Jon its going to be enormous. Awesome. Jon Sigourney Weaver everybody. Before earning enough cash back from bank of america to help pay for her kids ice time. Before earning 1 cash back everywhere, every time. And 2 back at the grocery store. Even before she got 3 back on gas all with no hoops to jump through. Katie used her bankamericard cash rewards credit card to stay warm and toasty during the heat of competition. Thats the comfort of rewarding connections. Apply online or at a bank of america near you. Double coverage . No problem. Triple covered . Yes, please. For a limited time at pizza hut get the triple cheese covered stuffed crust pizza. Order a large for just 11. 99. Now thats gamechanging flavor. Only at pizza hut. Where you also find her. A romantic fumble at this romantic chateau. Leads to these fine humans. Who you take to this ecolodge. To get seriously close to nature. Then you check in with her at this tropical paradise. Before soaring over this castle resort with your fatherinlaw. Who finally seems to like you. Life can be like that when you get it booking right. Booking. Com booking. Yeah [piano background music begins] we are one, we are essentially the same regardless of where we come from. Um, there are definitely things that are different about us culturally and