Make your tax deductible gift today i k f a x dot com That's k f a x dot com and click on the Bay Area rescue mission banner that's k f a x dot com. Long was. number again is 180-229-3000 now here's Stephen Harper. Well it is the part of burn and with Steve Barber It is Dr Jill Hubbard Hello Jill welcome I was Steve and Dr Dave stuped Hello Baby good to be here it's great reviews December the 7th and of course this is the day that we remember Pearl Harbor I have seen movies Pearl Harbor and I'm sure they don't adequately capture the horror but what they do capture wow that's it it just must have been. A tragedy beyond anything we could imagine and you know I have a ukulele collection and there was a man in San Francisco that knew about my collection really and he had been through Pearl Harbor and his you. Lately had survived with him and it had been his constant companion and he asked me if I would take it because he knew if I did it wouldn't end up in a garage sale for $10.00 and it's just one of my prized possessions that on our connection there to Pearl Harbor and I was just so grateful to have that and. And I tell you people really don't they just take it for granted what folks went through for freedom for us to be free and for us to have bad attitudes about our country and all these things and here and so you know we've been through 911 I think that was just one of the most horrific things that Miller type that shocking out of out of nowhere and so we pray for the survivors of all those things and the families that have a heritage of sacrifice and we're grateful for that we remember that today on Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day one of the things that you can do is prevent a crisis by helping us reach out to people who are in crisis or what I love isn't just helping people that are in just the worst of situations it's helping people find this place called Better I just I was at pharmacy before I came on here and there was a holiday edition of Better Homes and Gardens I want my own better so I want to look better so I got some and some craft ideas there that I love to do and you know I just think aspiring to better is a pretty good place to aspire to is to try to maximize whatever it is make better whatever it is that you're in one of the ways you could do that you could forgive your father's your mother's You could start practicing smart both are topics of books written by Mike so their thoughts was very clever. So smooth Yeah well Ok so out of smart love Dave what what would you say would be one of the key things to having a smart love well one of the things we highlight is what we call the basic emotional posture our back porch is one of the 4 negative. Of emotions of of anger fear shame or sadness that we automatically go to just instantly it's it's programmed in it's that that's the way we're going to respond in this situation and that's where I need to identify that and then what I need to do is to be able to learn how to manage that particular emotion that does me and half the time because not half the time of year it does me and all the time. Yeah but so many people living with kind of a combination of a lot of those we call it regret rather moving forward is just all regret which is you know form of shame form of self hatred anger. Smart love will help you not have that and some of the cut is brought on by parents that were anything but loving and they they own you until you forgive them to resources for getting your father's and mother's love Call us 1800 new life get caught. My story includes multiple physical and emotional affairs every day men struggle with sexual integrity impure thoughts strip clubs progress feet my wife found out that I had betrayed her she insisted that I would get is it every man about all I had some idea perhaps of you know what to expect but I had no idea that it would have him then Tommy that it did there's just something about the way that you meet in a large group and then the smaller breakout groups and the sharing but just something that I've never experienced before to register or to find out more call 1800 new life that's 186395433 or log on to New Life dot com This is the 1st time in my life that I ever felt comfortable and sharing the real me with other men in my mind it is one of the most critical things that I can do in his recovery 1800 in e.w. L.-i f.-e. . To find out more information about life or the world or any of the resources mentioned on today's program call 1800 likes Now back to new lifeline. We are back seaboard we were Dr Jill Hubbard a conveyed student Now we mentioned that we have a $1500000.00 goal here year in it's actually a $2000000.00 goal and we tried to knock off a half 1000000 of that in November which we did so now we're at $1500000.00 between now and December the 31st with that will meet our financial obligations and will be able to move into 2018 and stay on every station there were around right now well and Steve you said that's kind of typical for December I know I was a little surprised at the beginning because I'm not always looking at the numbers but you said that's typical That's why the typical for a really need in December and what often will. You know I mean you know so and it's been people are supporting us and we'll let you know as they do you just call us at 1800 new life and say Ok I'm in and we will be so so very grateful now let's go over here to Karen from San Francisco California Karen listens on the website New Life dot com Hi Karen welcome to new life how are you Well hello there and thank you so much so exciting to be able to talk to you I listen to you every morning and I'm a supporter of anything listening for 3 years so thank you very much like you yeah how can we help you know my question my daughter in law doesn't like me or respect me and she doesn't want her daughter around me and I'm wondering how I could best accept it and try to overcome this the least their recent incident was when she created a new Instagram site for her daughter and she posted pictures there but I have been blocked from the site and this was why why does your son resist so much why does your son resent. Allows this kind of disrespectful behavior to a mother. Well she's she's he's controlling and she might we're talking about him to me I want to talk to you about I want to talk about your son yeah he's letting all this happen. Not good well. Well my son had a lot of trouble in high school and it got to the point where you know his dad kicked him out and then I had to kick him out and she has not forgiven me for that but my son still thinks that it was what I needed to do. She's you know quite controlling and when he asked her to marry him he he told me he said I know that she's a lot to handle mom but I think I could handle it and I am so grateful that her family you know loved him and that they took him in and you know he allowed them to help him and he's a good dad and he you know he's a good kid but he's in a situation where you know they fight every time I'm there they start fighting because she doesn't like me or because I say something wrong or I've done something wrong or something and the last time we got together a few weeks ago and she just started in on things with you know telling me she doesn't like me doesn't respect me doesn't want her daughter around me and my son said you know where does that come from you know basically I was asking her like she grazed me and she raised my brother and she's fine I was don't like her lifestyle and they and they ended up arguing and then it just ended up falling apart and we all you know when our separate ways and said you know maybe after the holidays we could try to pick this up and I want to give you some really amazing advice here that I don't think is you know didn't take much of an i.q. Here but I don't want to suggest you not go over there. If that's the way you're treated I would never go back over there until something changes oh my God we met at a we met at a coffee shop and I and I basically kept asking them so so basically what happened we went on a trip in July and she was just really nasty she didn't want to go she you know she's she's been very disrespectful in my family and to me and you know we're all walking on eggshells and I told I heated with my son about you know getting counseling I said you know it's not enough you know you guys need to get counseling I don't want to end up divorced like me I don't you know I want you guys because you know make you never you need to do to make it work you've got kids and she's got another baby on the way and you know I said you need to take Harry or you know your family 1st and I know you know he loves me I know he loves me and I love him but I kept you know sending texts is asking you know when can I see you when can we try to rectify this I sent cards saying I'm I'm sorry. And she just doesn't want to have anything to do with it and. Well let's hear from Dr Dave in jail let's see what they have to what do you think of the things I would do Karen is I would I would stay away from her and. That not stay away from your son. But this is really your son's problem. You can't solve it by yourself he's got a thesis how to step up and at least comment down he doesn't have to make her like you know he just he just has to calm the thing down so that it's not so so hurtful to you. That's that's yeah I wonder what her parents I know I really wonder about I mean you talked in you know. Kind terms about her family but I'm wondering about the dynamics there and who's in charge in her family and who you really represent I mean it seems like everything that's wrong or bad is really being dumped on you. You know hitting Yeah and I mean you sound like a pretty decent person from what I can tell so far. And so it's a little bit puzzling especially if you're willing to apologize to your part to work on things and I think your son does need to step up and like he's he's trying and say you know it's not Ok for us to not have a relationship with my mom and it's not Ok for our kids to not see their grandma and so we can either do that where all take the kids over to see Grandma and you don't have to be a part of it or we can try to figure out we can go to counseling together we can figure out how this could be at least a civil you know relationship you know I have a suspicion that they love your son because he took her out of their house and the well I totally don't into their family Yeah but you know I've been right because she says she's not so nice to her own parents and he's just doing everybody a big favor here and I wonder if somehow you represent her issues or her mother that she has something that's threat there to I if she sounds very competitive Yeah yeah yeah I I mean she was saying that you know she was she tried to forgive me because of things I've done in the past or whatever and she checked my she checked his phone every day when he gets home so. They know they had a discussion about how you know you know Emily you get mad at my my mom for Texas when I don't even get mad at him because she says she's claiming that I manipulative because I have sex with my son saying you know I'd really like to see you know your daughter my granddaughter we're family I want to rectify the and you know I guess she just thinks I share too much I don't I don't know if you know I left a message for Thanksgiving and I didn't get one back. I well I would be really careful . You know what I was texting All right Kiran about when I learned my lesson and time Larry and Karen you are a threat to her it doesn't sound like the 2 of them are as stable as you know would be healthy and so you being close to your son you know I think really like your son becoming a part of their family and not having his family around really worked for her because she could control everything and now that you come in it's like you mean I have to share you mean I don't get everything my way that is going to change things and she doesn't like it so why do I do that that's what I think so what do I do about that like what like you know well it did I surrendered to God I think I think that your son and her need to get some help for their marriage and I would be encouraging him to work on their connection and closeness and establishing. You know a healthier healthier relationship between the 2 of them I would guess that she uses her animosity towards you to control her husband at your side yeah and he doesn't know what to do with it and so if they got into counseling together now that you know need to get into counseling with him. Yet at least they there's issues will come to the surface if they're with a good couples therapist and then that will this is going to be changed by by your son not by anything right or anybody else and it certainly can't be changed by you because you're you're in the you're in the triangle as the problem and the problem is with them. Right and you really know you have respect for her husband you know and then to me the 1st thing is that he has to say to her hey you know is absolutely Ok for you not to like my mother but it is not Ok for you to talk to her in a disrespectful way so if if you can't talk to her respectfully the way any person deserves to be talked to. Well then I'm going to take the kids over and I'm going to see you're not going to have this private relationship with my mother now is she a believer or not there they go the Catholic Church. You know she to be a believer. But man is she not acting like so yeah you know I was I was just drawing this out here in terms of the triangle is in the family relationship and a stable triangle is with 2 negatives and one positive or 3 positive relationships you know the enemy is the friend of the enemy of my enemy is my friend is the way that it can do and the only way that the triangle balances you are you have a relationship with your send you don't have a relationship with your daughter in law and the only way I can balance is that there's a very difficult relationship between your husband your son and your and his wife and that's the part of the triangle that has to be worked on and so it's not it's not if you you are all this time you're stand but you're all is not to be the change agent your son and daughter in law have to get to help to change themselves to strengthen their marriage relationship and that's going to change her relationship with you but she can encourage her son you know your ration Yeah well definitely you know I do that when she read his taxes and I leave a message on Thanksgiving and I didn't get anything back but don't text and it's column. Talk to money bring your daughter your granddaughter over to talk to you and say yeah you can meet with him I'm worried about you guys because I'd be the symptom Yeah I'm the scapegoat here I'm the scapegoat I'm not the problem there's issues in your marriage are you human must not be facing either. Or us this wouldn't be allowed to happen but to continue just a text like it's the nobody's reading it right let's hear the other woman you don't want to give the other woman Nonono That's right all right I hope something we've said here is helpful to him and said You take your life back boy would that ever be some there's some great stuff there for use so that you're not controlled dominated by her them all of that great stuff for her sin that to you our way of saying thank you for calling in Syria now let's go over here Tammy from Boise Idaho listening online Tammy Hi Hi How you doing. I'm doing all right thank you. I called yesterday to your regular line and they suggested maybe I should call in here too that I'm hearing Ok. I been married for 12 years and it's been a very difficult marriage. My husband is. Manipulative he doesn't want to support us. He's threatened me with divorce for a long time. Especially for sex place doesn't improve you threatened me with divorce. I've been in counseling for about 5 years which helped me a lot but you know you send it he doesn't want me to go back to my counsellor and I've asked if I could change to a different counsellor and. He didn't say that I couldn't go but he said that I need to get another job to pay for that. You guys go to a church together right yes we do go to a church. And. So there are some people in churches that see a lot of problems and then there is the faction. See a really nice tall dark handsome guy. And he he does come across that way to a lot of people. Our pastor was trying to help us and it just. It didn't help and we did some couples counseling and that was a disaster. I mean I guess I shouldn't say disaster it didn't help. It seemed like. We went to counseling and then we came home and it just gave him a lot more things that I needed to fix about me. That's pretty tragic. I'd say that's rough and. I think you know if you have you and your pastor talk or your pastor your pastor's wife and you had a private discussion separate from him or not. Some. Of them man that worked with us the most actually resigned Hold on I'll get back in . B. I.r.s. Doesn't mess around if they want your money they'll take it they can take your paycheck and bank accounts to even threaten your home or business and it's about to get worse the i.r.s. Just hired an army of new tax enforcers So if you owe a back taxes the smartest thing you can do is call Optima tax relief Optima has access to a special i.r.s. Tax Assistance Program called the fresh start initiative and their clients that qualify are saving thousands even tens of thousands one call starts the process to stop the demand letter stop aggressive collection actions and stop that army of new enforcers from targeting you but don't delay it's important to act now while you still have options Optima is a rated with the Better Business Bureau Optima has already resolved over a half $1000000000.00 of tax debt for their clients get your life back call now for your free consultation call 807115743807115743807115743 some restrictions apply for completely tailpiece was it ultimate actually dot com the holidays come with a special brand of cheery chaos unless you've got a sleigh full of little helpers there's never enough time to get everything done before friends and family arrive lucky for you select blinds dot com makes it easy to install and score huge savings on blinds just in time to have your home looking amazing for the holidays take advantage of select blinds holiday sale with unbeatable deals on custom blind shades and shutters select blinds makes ordering blinds online simple and easy with products you've seen on all your favorite home improvement shows select lines dot com is an interior make over essential select blinds has the most online reviews and 5 star ratings on the planet select blind's dot com really is the simple and smart way to buy blinds shop a holiday sale today at select blinds dot com for amazing deals on blind shades and shutters mentioner show a checkout using the dropdown menu select blinds simple smart custom select blinds . Dot com 1100 after x. . We'd love to hear from you if you have a question or a comment call toll free 180-229-3000 now back to life line. But we're back seaboard and here. One of things that I didn't think about but Terry McIntosh your producer did and just he listened and said Hey I wonder how much Pernod your feet this guy is using night I wish I had thought of that. So thank you Terry but here's the question here Tammy what do you think about pornography and him here's why I think it's a great question you're treated like a saint to yeah I think that has sex you you could not be more objectified in any way you're not like a human being to him now what do you think about that if you ever caught him with porn do you know if he does it I don't think he does I don't think he does porn I haven't caught him with it he's no