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And 98 point one f.m. . We're going to have you with us here this is the rock every Sunday actually every Sunday through the end of February February now we've got just a couple more shows we're going to be with you tonight till 7 o'clock at this is our inspirational or I should say local Christian talk our band joining us right now it is you know what's coming up this week it is what days I can actually figure out what day of the week that is that's going to be what Wednesday or No it's Thursday guys Thursday is Valentine's Day and we have a tradition here redo of the rock for gosh is this been what 67 years guys yes Bennell hours Yeah Jim So Jim in Terry Barr joining us they are wowed you will self describe yourself Terry how would you guys to describe your what without going into detail but you are. Like church people that do relationship that's a very good way to yeah we work with couples who are struggling in their marriage and we give them communication tools and. How to keep things straight in their home we teach primaries classes and I meet with a lot of women during the week and just help them. Set boundaries and things like that super well is good to have you guys here Jim it's even good to have you here thank you thank you very much since Harry wouldn't come without you which I don't know why but that's Ok Hey Jim tell us 1st of all how long is this 6 or 7 years we've been doing this you guys didn't really remember either. It's 6 or 7 or 8 has been a lot of years in a lot of years we've done every of the Allen times day rolls around or every February you call us and say come and say we got to do the show let's rock at the Rock I think there was one time you did it because they called you like 2 days before and you guys were in you were either out of town or at something else I do remember that yeah actually Jim said he wouldn't do it because they didn't give me enough notice and then he yelled at me and it's Ok but but today we're going to be talking about relationships we're going to be talking about not just marriage relationships but also other relationships because you know I had the one thing that is so great about what you guys do about communication and relationships is working together as a couple These are the same skills that you use in a relationship for anything and being a better communicator being a better husband also helps you be a better son a better father a better friend and all the above doesn't better employee a better employer absolutely better friend what are some of the things Jim you know you I know you guys have in your your routine you go through your pre-marriage class but what is the one thing that you think that people are are surprised to hear when you go through your thing what is the one thing that everybody seems to go cash if you know that or that that surprises me well in our society man and women are. Considered equal and so they think they are the same right and men and women are clearly different in so many ways and I think most men are pretty much on the same wavelength but but but women others live let me put it like this women need love from their husbands and men need respect from their wives and that's the key to the whole thing and in order for a woman to feel loved a man needs to invest in that woman which in turn involves work it involves time that involves sitting in listening and talking at a heartfelt level and not reacting to something they say but responding and there's a difference between reaction and responding Absolutely and Terry 1st of all tell everybody your guy story you've been around for a couple years and been married for a few and and kind of give us your background as as a couple we've been married this July will be 54 years wow congratulations and that is why I made seemed like it was yesterday you were going on 50 years so yes I do remember that of the old studio back there were cramped back room I remember the good old days you know and they were we had times in our marriage where we didn't think we're going to make it really and we didn't know how to communicate. It would be more reacting and not so much responding. And you can't respond unless you listen reacting you don't do any listening you just react you hear the 1st word or 2 and you react and so when we went to Christian Marriage Encounter we learned how to communicate and it changed our marriage completely changed our marriage we actually felt all those feelings of falling in love again. In a new deeper way once we learn to communicate with each other and to listen and to empathize and and respond right so it was wonderful and what was your We're talking with Jim and Terry Bob By the way they are I hear on the rock on Kate's Yes I'm very Mickey we're denser Valentine's Day show we're talking about relationships and and Terri what was the. Impetus for the calling that went from your own personal challenges to now hey let's help other people go through the same thing good question we still we're just newbies at communicating even though we've been married a number of years. It was like the Lord just kept sending us couples and we don't was laugh how are we going to help them we're just learning on this stuff but that's how it began people would just call us and say Would you have any time for us we're having some problems and you guys always seem so happy and we would just laugh and we would be very grateful and they'd come over and we would just teach them some of the things that we were learning and they began doing it and then they would send somebody to us and that's how that began and then in one of the churches that we were attending at the time. We were asked if we would do a marriage class and so we began teaching marriage classes from all the things that we have learned and then we would make notebooks for everybody and then pretty soon we were asked. If we would teach all the primaries classes and sit just word of mouth open and them watching us and seen how we were asked a lot are you guys newlyweds and because that's how we felt right with you know when you can get deep into each other's heart you get to know each other in a whole new way and learning each other's love language and speaking in their love language. You feel pretty good so it is kind of evolved into this whole thing how many years have you been working with with other couples. 3540 years easy for a year that's pretty awesome and you feel like having you working at it from a biblical perspective adds a much deeper element to what you do. Definitely because. Without the Lord you're losing some of the benefit of what he says 2 are better than one when there are 2 if one falls the other one's there to pick you up and when couples come to us they're feeling pretty desperate by the time we get to see them and so we get to pray over them and lead them back to the life speaking words that the Bible has about how valuable we are to God and if are valuable to God that means we're valuable to our partner and with out having that foundation of the Bible and what God says they're going to fall right back into those cracks We're talking with Jim and Terry Bob they are from the church in the way Sam occurred but they've been doing pre-marriage class and working with. Couples for as you just heard decades and their journey for a Valentine's Day show we're going to take a commercial break guys but when we come back Jim I want to actually want to talk to both of you about this is is in our society even in just the last 510 years we've seen marriage change we see gender roles change all these things are changing and it appears on the outside that it's more difficult to have a happy marriage and I want to number one I want your thoughts on that if that's the case number 2 is how do we live in this culture that we're in and have a positive marriage and have a a thriving marriage that that quite frankly all of us really want so we'll talk to you guys more about that stay tune coming up next to this is the rock our Valentine's Day show here on your home town station till 7 o'clock thanks for Jen and join. Here shift your hometown station back to this ever feel like you just have too much stuff and not enough room tired of having that r.v. 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Barry McKeever inspirational music local to Christian talk this hour we are joined by Jim and Terry Barr very close and dear friends that have been counseling a marriage not just marriage but counseling couples for for many many years and they're here and they're giving us their wisdom because Valentine's Day is coming up on Thursday so if you don't have it. If you wait till now to get it down you might want to get a refresher course here guys but but let's talk about that before the break it well we'll start with you Tim because I'm not sure Jim. Jim and I know each other so I can I've got I've got to back down a little bit but why don't you give us some thoughts we talked about the culture and how culture in specifically America has changed in in marriage roles gender roles and and how do you how does a woman in today's day and age you supposed to be more than equal fall into that what that biblical role is as a woman and look at that and go well that bibles 2000 years old that doesn't it isn't relevant to me today. Well that's a mouthful of a question. Well I got more than now I've got a whole I got a list over here oh you could be right every way here to ask these questions. Well one thing at a time I think with our culture changing We know specific couples where the wife is doing all the working right and the husband is not oh yeah and he's doing the little side things at the house type thing. And that's hard on a family because that kind of is different what the Bible says you know is talking about the men working the women are to be in their home not that they can't work part but still the home responsibilities are still really important and with the children. And how you get that changed I'm really not sure other than reverse the roles but it tends to when we've seen this happen it has tended to emasculate the min because of the roles that God has assigned to the men he created them to be the cave man and go out and bring the meat home and then the wife was to cook it in those days. And now it's it's a little bit confused and so when we've met with some couples it's been hard to just lay it all out Ok what do you see that isn't working here and help them to see you can a need to reverse roles here right now is that entrance you know the action is in Jim I can sell and I've seen a couple light bulbs go off for you and what about from a male perspective how how with our culture change and how are we able to to continue to fulfill that role as a husband and a father well I want to add to what Terry said 1st of all. In the Bible it says the man is to lead Dow That doesn't mean the man is not to listen to his wife and that does not mean that the wife shouldn't have an equal say but bottom line is the man is to assume a leadership role in the family that's biblical and because we're Christians we believe in that but if something if some way the family deviates from that and the wife leaves in certain areas the husband leaves other areas because they have a strength in those areas and they agree to it I don't think there's any problem with that particularly if it's working right so. I think you want to just be open to what's going to work best for the family but men should not be emasculated by a woman and. Men should on are their wives and love them and care for them and be the covering of their family ultimately they are the covering of their family biblically cell I would I hate to see that happen and it does happen in some families Well one of the things the challenges I know that I've seen and in my own past relationship Jim is that how how do you have it when you have to. Have a couple that has this constant of I'm not going to do this for you if you're not going to do it for me and I continue to do these nice things and he or she doesn't do anything for me so why should I go that extra mile I'm sure you've you've you've been and and counsel people in that position right what would you say to somebody you know in our pre-marriage class we read a story that says it's titled marriage is not for me and. A young man has been married a year he goes to his father and tells his dad I've decided marriage is not for me and the father says Son you are totally right marriage is not for you marriage is all about the one you're married to and the one you've chosen to love and love by the way is a decision so bottom line is marriage is not about you right marriage is about the one you're married to so what that's really saying is you want to give 100 percent to your spouse. And your spouse should want to give 100 percent to you so if both husband and wife no matter what what their work is or what their responsibilities in the family are if they're both giving the other 100 percent then your marriage is going to work out phenomenally But what what Terry if you have somebody that doesn't you're not getting anything back well the rest of that story is the man ended up the husband making everything about himself he was not happy about things and she continued to give him everything and made that marriage still all about him instead of feeling sorry for herself and making it about her she made it all about him and one day he came to her and he said I just realized I've made our marriage all about me and yet you continued to keep loving me and making it about me and he humbled himself and asked her to please forgive him how wrong he was it doesn't work that way and he pulled himself together and the 2 of them continued with making it always about the spouse their reminds me of got just about a minute before commercial break though what is it what are your favorite stories about a couple that you've counselled and maybe where they've come from and where they ended up being and what it What's what's what's one kind of really cool story that you love telling everybody how Mr There was a couple that came to our house we'd met them at church we no longer were going to their church but they remembered us and called us to see if we could help them and they walked in the door he said on one side of the couch she said on the other side of the couch and she was just all folded up in a her head down she was distraught and the. Well like nothing and he began with how angry he was at her all the you messages she does this it's her fault you always do this the it's you know boom boom boom boom at her hammered her and I stopped it and I said Do you know Jesus and he looked at me and he said I don't know what you mean and I said Have you ever been born again where you realize that you can't really continue in this manner without Jesus because it's not working and I gave him a quick in a nutshell about Jesus and how he died for him and etc etc and he threw himself back on our sofa and he started to cry he said I had no idea I had no idea he immediately turned to her and he apologized he said I don't see how you could have still been married to me and they hugged and it was an amazing remarkable thing their pastor contacted me. And I was the one that answered the phone and he said they're a completely different couple they're happy they're serving in the church. That to me was to remarkable time they got up when they were all done and of course we taught them gave them some tools on how to communicate and they walk out holding hands and I we saw them again a week or 2 after that and we see you guys have it it was amazing very cold I was speaking of human Haitian I know that that is tantamount to a good relationship and well let's talk about that we come back I know we could do probably 3 days show on our communication but Jim we're going to have 8 minutes to talk about communication and how important is Ok can you do it I think we can pull that off our let's use We'll talk about community communication next and it we are talking about relationships here on the rock because Valentine's Day coming up this Thursday and we are with Jim and Terry by joining us as they do every year for our Valentine's Week program so stay tuned a lot more to come this is the rock ins