Thank you. Welcome to our program. Im the host, im jimmy. Thanks for watching. Thanks for coming. I know you guys, a lot of you are here on vacation, but it was yet another crazy day in the United States of america. Donald trump, who maybe you havent heard is president now, a few hours ago, he fired james comey, the director of the fbi which is kind of like o. J. Firing judge ito halfway through the trial. [ laughter ] he fired the director of the fbi while the director was investigating his people of possible collusion with russia. This is unbelievable. This is the kind of thing dictate fors do. This is the kind of thing reality tv hosts do, they fire someone every week. [ laughter ] maybe thats what happened, he thinks hes still on celebrity apprentice. It was between james comey and meatloaf, and well the loaf won again. One reason they gave, this is the Hillary Clinton email situation, which is hilarious, that means trump fired james comey for making him president. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hes seen a lot of unusual stuff. But this is outrageous. When something outrageous happens, i dont just sit on my hands, i do something about it. Thats why i will be selling these comey is my homie tshirts. [ cheers and applause ] if you are one of the millions of americans who are angry about this shameful and disgraceful move, send me 29. 99. And i will use some of that money to send a very nasty letter directly to the oval office. Also available in womens and baby ts, okay . So thats crazy. [ cheers and applause ] its all crazy. But lets focus on positive. I want to thank someone, another talk show host, in fact, who did something very kind for my family. And a lot of families on her jimmy and molly are friends of ours. And theyre just extremely kind, lovely people. And jimmy talked about his newborn son billy having to go through emergency heart surgery. It was an amazing monologue. In honor of my friend, i want to do something to help. I asked prizeo. Com to help raise money for Childrens Hospital los angeles. Heres what i am going to do. Youre going to get a huge prize if you do this. Im going to fly in one person plus nine of your friends to one of my 12 days of giveaways next season. So all you have to do is make a donation to prizeo. Com, the more money you donate, the more chances youll have to win, the more youll be helping Childrens Hospital. Its a win, win, win. If you want to party with nine of your friends for one of my 12 days of giveaways, donate now. Jimmy see, thats very nice. [ cheers and applause ] ellen is the best. Thank you. But i do want to lets go back to one part of that clip. Because i want to know. Why is the reindeer on a ledge . Is he having personal problems . Has blitzer been making fun of his nose again . Anyway, if you want to come to l. A. To see ellen and win great stuff with all your friends, go to prizeo. Com and thank you, ellen, for being so degeneres. [ cheers and applause ] while were on the subject of happy things, its wedding season. There are more weddings in the month of may than i dont know, i didnt really look it up, there are a lot of weddings in may. Guillermo, when did you get married . Guillermo april 6. Jimmy thats not helpful. But anyway, theres a lot of pressure now on the bride and groom to write their own invoices. Lets see what happens when that pressure becomes too much to handle. Before god and before our family and our friends it is my joy to take you as my husband. You as my it is my it is my joy to take you as my husband. Jimmy is it still a freudian slip if you say it twice . [ laughter ] heres another one. This is a couple from canada whose minister or officiant had a lot of fun at the rehearsal dinner. I promise to be your biggest advocate ask your best friend. I commit to sharing with you in seasons of they say thats good luck. Spirit airlines is having a turbulent week. Have you seen the video of what happened in florida . Spirits having a dispute with its pilots. The pilots say spirit is paying them peanuts. Not figuratively. They pay them with little bags of peanuts we used to get before everyone was allergic. The pilots have been, some of them have been refusing to fly, so spirit had to cancel nine flights from ft. Lauderdale. Passengers obviously werent happy about that. It was like black friday minus the part where you go home with a new tv. All hell broke loose. About 300 spirit flights have been canceled over the past week, leaving thousands of passengers grounded and angry. Its hard to say which is worse, a canceled Spirit Airlines flight or actually being on a Spirit Airlines flight. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] while this footage thats become viral of angry customers flipping out isnt doing spirit any favors. For another company, its working out very well. [ shouting ] [ bleep ]. Greyhound bus lines. Were looking better every day. Jimmy literally threw them under the bus. You know its a shame, things have been going so well for the airlin this is from australia this morning from perth, australia, where the ceo of qantas got an early dessert. Qantas Ceo Alan Joyce was the keynote speaker at a Leadership Event at the hyatt behind me here in perth. Mr. Joyce had just taken his place to begin his speech when a man put a lemon meringue pie in his face. Jimmy that is quite an elmer fudd express on his face. The Airline Business is tough. Even sean spicer is like, it must suck to be a spokesman for them. [ laughter ] i have a Major Television announcement to make. I dont know if you heard. This network, abc, is bringing American Idol back. In a move that is being praised as the most original, groundbreaking idea of the year 2002. American idol used to be on fox. For 15 seasons it was on fox. Then the ratings were too low. Said, we can get them lower [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and that is what were going to do. The only reason were doing this is because American Idol is a great source of future contestants for dancing with the stars. We just feedba back. We dont know who the judges will be but i hope they consider merrick garland, he serves this. You dont know who that is . [ bleep ] all of you. So there you go. American idol on abc. Hbo isnt the only Network Airing leftovers are people. We have a good show for you tonight. From the band royal blood. From baywatch. Priyanka chopra is here. From alien covenant, Danny Mcbride is here. Covenant, i think its like the 18th movie in the alien fran i hear its good, i hear its scary. I asked yehya to review it for us and he said yes. Here he, yehya, talking about the movie alien covenant. Its me, yehya, talk about the summer movie, the movie behind me is dont dat run. That alien. Let me out all the alien, long time, the ladies forget the name. She in the movie alien 1, alien 2, alien 3, alien 4. The director for that movie, scott, he make the move 0 for rosson crowe, the main guy in the movie, Michael First wonder. The movie also make the computer. And also you have one guy with the hair. Lets party. Hes nice guy, hes the friend of colin lot of movie, and the alien is like flower opens slowly. And it come from inside, boom, come if your face, you know . Its come from anywhere, you dont know from where coming, you know . Holy go see the movie, its very scary movie, and good movie good luck, cut action . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy no action. Thank you, yehya. Were going to take a breck. When we come back from the break, a visit from a group of High School Students who invented an absolutely ridiculous contraption. Stick around, well be right back with that. Whoa youre not taking these. Hey, hey, hey youre not taking those. G that. Come with me. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Mom, im taking the subaru. Dont be late. Even when were not there to keep them safe, our Subaru Outback will be. vo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. T. J. Maxx asks, shes pretty and nice like me. She is special. He knows me better than my husband somedays. My mom likes pink. Mommy loves roses. Its a surprise. You picked this out by yourself . Its a purse. I know you love purses. I do celebrate the unique mom in your life, with values everyone will love. Happy mothers day someday youll let me put my way ycomb up there air til then youre beautiful and i just stare head right to theentic nearest subway. Introducing the italian hero footlong. Stacked with genoa salami, mortadella, and spicy capicola. Add oil and vinegar and some mediterranean oregano. There you have it. Its our better italian flavor, for a better subway. Skinew bandaid® brand skinflex™ bandages. R best bandage yet it moves like a second skin. Dries almost instantly. Better . Yeah. Go good thing because stopping never crosses your mind. Bandaid® brand. Stick with it™ jimmy welcome back to the show. Danny mcbride, Priyanka Chopra, and music from royal blood is on the way. In case you didnt know today is National TeacherAppreciation Day. Wot teachers i mafd no one to disappoint growing up. One of my best teachers was my band director. Cleto and i were in the band, mr. Mac moseley. I was making a smart remark in class. Ill never forget what he said. He said, kimmel, im going to put my foot up your ass then he chased me around the classroom. So to all the teachers, thank you. For all you do. [ applause ] speaking of teachers we have a good one tonight with a group of students. Kevin genota, he teaches in kimber kimberly, wisconsin, his team of students are the National Rube Goldberg champions and they have something very cool to show us so lets say hello to them now. Come on out. Hi, guys. How are you doing . [ cheers and applause ] welcome, welcome. I wont touch each one of you, well get to that later. Congratulations, this is very exciting, right . Is this something youve been dreaming of for many, many years . Not really, no, okay, all right. Thats good. All right. So kevin, youre the teacher. A good group of kids . A great grape . Weve had no trouble on this trip . Zero trouble. Jimmy very good. All right. So whos the team captain or something . Is there a team captain . Not so much. Jimmy not so much, all right. Theyre pretty even. Jimmy tell us first what is the idea behind a Rube Goldberg machine . The purpose of a problem in the most overly complicated way possible. Jimmy intentionally make things difficult, Like Congress does in a way. But this is for fun. Jimmy what was your mission . What was the challenge they gave you . This year, everyone across the country had to apply a bandaid. Jimmy build a machine that applies a bandaid, which of course is something that most human beings can easily do themselves. Yes. Jimmy okay. And so what would you say to a kid whos interested in getting to the Rube Goldberg scene . Is it fun . Its a lot of fun. Its a pretty big commitment. But it really pays off. Jimmy your team name is kimberlys kitchen. Was that to strike fear into the hearts of your opponents . [ laughter ] yes, strong and bold name. Jimmy so this was your first trip to the nationals, right . Oh, this is interesting. Youre the jv team at your school, right . That was mr. Nickname given by the seniors, correct. Jimmy by the seniors. Of course. Jimmy none of you are seniors, what grades are you in . Sophomores and juniors. Jimmy sophomores and juniors. Why am i smelling alcohol on your breath, is that you . Sophomores and juniors. Not only did you beat everyone in the country, you beat your own group of seniors at the school. [ cheers and applause ] how did the seniors take that . Were they gracious . They really helped us out with our machine. When we asked for it. Jimmy they did . Theyre okay, yep. Jimmy i think ive stumble onto some kind of trouble. Let see the machine in action, show us how it works. Here it is right behind you. Everybodys going to step to the sides. Whos going to run this thing and how does it start . All right, so like starting over here at the light switch, were going to go through 70 steps. And then hopefully end up back here applying the bandaid onto our sink. Jimmy hopefully it will. In rehearsal it worked perfectly, which means it probably wont work here tonight. Yes. Jimmy okay. Do you machine will fall in the hands one of our enemies like isis . Not really. Jimmy no . Okay, all right. Here we go. Let do it. Three, two, one. Jimmy okay. Starts by opening our cupboards. The ball into the trash can. Then use pool balls and spatulas to climb up. Once they reach the top we fill a jar of salt. Use the salt to pop our toast. Jimmy okay. Is the salt filling . It is, okay. The salt is filling slowly. I see the salt now. Okay. There it goes. The balls going to go through a series of newton balls. Thats going to steam our kettle. Check out that spoon wheel. Were going to put the measuring cups back up on the wall. Once they reach the top we cut an apple and start our mini tether ball which will knock over food boxes. There go the eggs. Th cheddar cheese. Then were going to get cans to roll uphill. Jimmy uphill . Yep. They start moms kitchen aid mixer. And there it works. Jimmy wow. [ cheers and applause ] very well done. Congratulations. Thank you. Jimmy nice to see. That was pretty that was pretty amazing. Who will get what will happen to this machine . We save it for next year and show the new group and they try it all over again. Jimmy can you build a machine that will get my daughter ready for bed . Ill take one of those too. Jimmy thank you, kevin. Thanks, kids. Congratulations to the students of Kimberly High School in wisconsin. Tonight music from royal blood. Priyanka chopra is here. Be right back with Danny Mcbride dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by protect your engine for one full cha with just one oil change. Washed up . Never. Times. Loreals new age perfect rosy tone moisturizer. Increases cell renewal. Boosts skins rosy tone instantly. New age perfect rosy tone from loreal paris. And were still worth it. Voluminous original mascara from loreal. In black and now in blue loreals creamy formula builds 5 times the volume the softbristle brush itthe one and only voluminousrr original mascara from loreal paris youbusted tail. Rd. And impressed the boss. Maybe, its time to be your own. Transform your career with strayer universitys mba program today. Lets get it, america. Jimmy hi, there. Tonight, from quantity toe and the new movie baywatch, Priyanka Chopra is here. Album is called how did we get so dark . Royal blood from the mercedesbenz stage. [ cheers and applause ] whos on the show tomorrow night . Should we guess . Tomorrow night billy crudup, ariel winter from modern family and well have music from wale with geazy. And on thursday ewan mcgregor, katie lowes, and music from at the drive in. So please join us. [ cheers and applause ] while the engineers and scientists of tomorrow put bandaids on with machines, our first guest is already venturing into outer space. He stars in alien covenant opening may 19th. Please welcome Danny Mcbride. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you . Jimmy doing well. Did you see the science project . Ive never been a scientist, thats never something ive been accused of. Jimmy really . My big science project in high school was it was the effect of no sleep on memory, which is strange because my friends spending the night and playing old maid all night long. We were breaking boundaries. Jimmy what grade did you get . I dont think i finished it. I think i gave up. Jimmy really. Yeah. Jimmy you were that kid. Yes. Jimmy you were a substitute teacher, youve talked about that, you played a teacher, all that stuff. Is that did they have a substitute teachers Appreciation Day . Or no . No, no. I dont think the kids that i subbed for appreciated me at all. All they cared about was what car i drove and if i smoked weed. [ laughter ] i drove an elantra so i didntible impress anyone there. Jimmy is teaching experience something thats ephelped you as a parent being able to handle children . You would think it would be. My wife and son and a 2yearold daughter. And so its all new for us. My sons in tk which is the appetizer to kindergarten. Jimmy what is tk . My sons born in september right past the cutoff. Basically too young to come to kindergarten, but if you dont want him sitting around your house he can come here for a little bit. We agreed to that, signed up for that. And you know at my house, we love jokes. Its something that just happens there. When i was a kid i grew up on these books called truly tasteless jokes. I had those too. I love them, theyre amazing, really filthy. I recently found them on ebay and bought them. In my house im constantly trying to discuss my wife by finding the worst jokes i can in there. Shes been saying, you better chill with that. Because theyre listening to you, theyre going to repeat these things. He never listens to me, hes not listening to anything im saying. Sure enough my wife calls me. I picked declan and his teacher told us that declan told a joke to the class today. [ laughter ] my face went white. Oh my god. What joke could this be . I was like, really, what one was it . And shes like, apparently he got up in front of the whole class and he said, whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend . And the whole class was quiet. And he said, 60 pounds. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and my wife was like, no way. You need to you go in there and talk to him. So i told him, you know what . Its not really appropriate. I shouldnt have been saying that stuff around you. Mommies dont like it, teachers dont like it, so dont say that again. And he was quiet. I said, but if you do say it again, the punch line was actually 40 pounds. [ laughter ] jimmy 60 is too much. Modern times. He was making it his own. Jimmy wow, thats really funny. Thats pretty great. You do really have to be careful. Very careful. Jimmy youve got a precocious young boy there. Yeah. Jimmy now youre a big screen action star all of a sudden. I guess so. Jimmy which is different for you, obviously. It is, yeah. Jimmy basically youve been in comedies. Being in alien is totally a different deal. To my parents this is the first real