Transcripts For WMAR Nightline 20090925 : vimarsana.com

tonight on nightline, the adultery face-off. are we born to cheat? god commands thou shalt not commit adultery, but in today s society so many people do. tonight, faith and adultery collide. and a pastor who promotes love making and versus an author on open man and a man who promotes online affairs. 3,000 people show up in search of answers. are we sexually programmed to stray? can adultery save a marriage? a special edition of nightline begins right now. captions paid for by abc, inc. good evening, i m cynthia mcfadden. tonight, marks the launch of a special series, the exploration tonight on nightline, the adultery face-off. are we born to cheat? god commands thou shalt not commit adultery, but in today s society so many people do. tonight, faith and adultery collide. and a pastor who promotes love making and versus an author on open man and a man who promotes online affairs. 3,000 people show up in search of answers. are we sexually programmed to stray? can adultery save a marriage? a special edition of nightline begins right now. captions paid for by abc, inc. good evening, i m cynthia mcfadden. tonight, marks the launch of a special series, the exploration on how the ten commandments apply or don t to modern-day life. we begin with the seventh commandment, thou shalt not commit adultery. we headed to the bible belt outside of dallas, 3,000 people showed up as we tried to answer one single question are we born to cheat? oh, adultery in high places. from former president clinton whose first inclination was not to fess up. i did no have sexual relations with that woman. to former new york governor eliot spitzer who did. i cannot allow my private failings to disrupt the people s work. of course, there is the on going drama surrounding john edwards. i made a very serious mistake. i have been unfaithful to my wife. in south carolina, the cheating governor has lost his wife it seems, but not his office. something i m going to think about, pray about. it s not just men in politics, of course. adultery happens in all cultures, despite strong taboos against it. i lived in 42 cultures and there s not a culture that s not adulterous. in fact, swans that mate for life. adulterous? apparently. helen fisher has written about love and sex and adultery for years. she says that one out of three married men and one out of four married women will cheat while married. so human beings biologically prom programmed for monogamy? we are predisposed to fear when an animal is running towards us and we are predispoked towards adultery? predisposed to adultery? not everyone perhaps. is it easier for some people to be faithful than for others? i think it is. i do think that we re born with a different deck of cards, and that some people are more susceptible to this than others. but this doesn t excuse them. we are animals that can say no to our heritage. the seventh commandment is unequivocal thou shall not commit adultery. but is it still important, relevant, are we born to cheat? we took the question to the heart of the bible belt and the fellowship church just outside of dallas as 3,000 people, mostly church members, gathered outside. adultery is wrong. i mean, biblically it s wrong. i don t see how you can afford adultery. we brought together four panelists who are happily married but say they have different ideas about adultery. evangelical minister ed young is our host. if you have a problem talking about sex, you have a problem with god. the head of the fellowship church here in texas. he has written about the importance of second in marriage. we have got to make time to make love. recently encouraging all the married couples in the congregation to have sex for seven days in a row to see what happened. what do you hope to accomplish tonight? i hope to accomplish that god is pro sex. that he thought it up, it was his idea and he wanted us to have the best sex possible and this is in a marriage one man, one woman together. i m here to defend the institution of marriage. jonathan daugherty is a recovering sex addict who admits repeatedly cheating on his wife. i may have had an encounter with somebody on monday, but what about on thursday? prostitutes are always there. and he and his wife started the be broken ministry and he counsels others struggling with sexual addictions. i have beenriied been married for 12 years with a man who i adore and i have been in a relationship with a woman who i adore. she has written a book and shies her open marriage and poli amorous lifestyle is not adultery. and finally, noel biderman, the ceo of ashley madison.com who joined us from toronto. it s designed as a place for married people to find someone to cheat with. most of us can recover from a one-night stand with a wrong woman. he says he has 4 1/2 million subscrib subscribers. but not when it s every night for the rest of our lives. their tag lines are infamous, life is short, have an affair. biderman thinks it can help a marriage. japan is an example. very low divorce rates. good evening, we are here at the fellowship church outside of dallas, texas, to debate a very touchy topic adultery. the tension mounts as the pan lists take their spot, ready to hash it all out. thousands of people looking to the answer to one question are we born to cheat? 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no. wow, look at this person, i d like to sleep with that person, and that s am i sinning now? yeah. i want to be sure about that. because the way that [ laughter ] i m so sorry i came to dallas. but we all fail in that realm. hold it, is in an honest audience. i want to see a show of thoughts who s ever had the thought? not ever saying that you acted on it. have you ever had the thought? all right. sinners! you read any books about recharging the marriage, often they recommend that you think about other people. they recommend that you use other fantasies, that you look at pornography. i mean, it these are doctors and psychologist, people who study science and who say this is how we can so i m not sure it should be something we should be overcoming. we turn to the institution of marriage and jenny block. gener jenny has a husband, a girlfriend and a 10-year-old daughter. i don t think it s the way we designed it, the cinderella, happily ever after, 40% fail at it. is emotional involvement without sex adultery? i d rather have sex with someone else and not telling anybody else about it, than writing love notes all day. so i m not sure that having sex with someone else really qualifies as adultery. really, can i ask she s saying that an open marriage doesn t necessarily qualify as adultery? does it necessarily qualify as adultery? i can conse consent? that s not adult recommend can everybody can do it with anybody? i have been in an open relationship for seven years and my marriage is stronger than it s ever been. is an open marriage adultery? yes th, in the eyes of god. not all marriages are religious. i believe god ordained it. you think what you think applies to everybody? i do. or is you do? i do. i can t imagine how you can say that. there are hundreds of churches in the state of texas because we believe different things and to suggest that one religion, that one group, one church would decide for everyone how something would work, that seems preposterous to me. this is set forth in scripture for thousands and thousands of years. scripture as you interpret it. yes. are i accept and we accept and god accepts everybody, but i don t want to say acceptance is approval. is jenny going to hell? first of all, god never hurls anybody to hell. he doesn t. we choose we choose our destiny. so the choice is up to you and me. and what about noel biderman who runs a website to help people cheat? what about noel, he is a married man with two kids and said he s not a cheater, he helps other people cheat. it s not how is thou shalt help other people to cheat? what i if supply all the bomb making equipment to terrorists worldwide, but hey, i m not a terrorist? so it pains to hear me a man of the cloth speak in that way because it s a terrible analogy. in the end in the end, people have affairs. in the workplace. would you like to hold the workplaces accountable? if people have an affair, they should look in the mirror as to how they failed their marriage. that s right. it s not because of my website. that not the right approach. you know what, ultimately you re what hurting marriages. no doubt adultery has its kicks, but it has some wicked chuck norrisesque kick backs and i deal with the carnage, i deal i deal with the broken homes. i deal with the children whose lives are up for grabs because someone is selfish enough to step outside the marriage and do what they want to do. wait a second. [ applause ] so noel all right. i hear all the time, why don t you leave your relationship? that s the selfish ability. walking away from your family to pursue your sexual needs is a selfish act. i hear they re not getting the physically intimacy they want, so rather than leave they d rather to do this. i don t know what kind of pastor you are because they re feeling pain and loneliness is a real pain. it causes people to act. there s a biological need to change your life when you re lonely from my perspective, infidelity can save your marriage. 56% of the men who cheat say they re in happy marriages. they re miserable, they start cheating and now they re happy. but ed young has his own s sta tissics at the statistics at the ready. i heard that the evangelical women are the most sexually satisfied women out there. that s good for business. they also have more orgasms than any other. any other women. [ applause ] why would that be? because sex not just sex. you can t park your soul outside the bedroom and have sex. we wondered about jonathan daugherty who says he cheated on his wife with many women over many years. weren t you parking your soul somewhere else? i was crushing my soul. i can t you can t park your soul somewhere else and go wherever you go so i was crushing myself emotionally. by doing that, i was crushing people around me. i guess i would ask my question for you, noel, you have two children, right? absolutely, yep. what sort of values are you trying to teach them maybe about marriage and about fidelity and faithfulness? i mean, i m curious. i m in a monogamous marriage and i ll be open with my children and the businesses that i operate but i have zero to hide. but you re putting bread on the table by encouraging people other to have affairs. well, it s infidelity and it s happening in a destructive way. if your wife would be using your website you d be devastated. i would look in the mirror and say, how did i fail the marriage? ashley madison has witty 30-second tv commercials. they have affairs because their life isn t working for them. why advertise then? because i m in the business of making money. when we come back, the audience speaks and the children growing up in the wake of adultery have their turn. story. my parents all smoked. my grandparents smoked. i ve been a long-time smoker. you know, discouragement is a big thing in quitting smoking. i m a guy who had given up quitting. what caused me to be interested was, chantix is not a nicotine product and that intrigued me. the doctor said while you re taking it you can continue to smoke during the first week. 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(announcer) talk to your doctor to find out if prescription chantix is right for you. a crowd of 3,000 people assembled for the tend commandment face-off and one of the most emotional moments came when this teenager spoke. i m a teenager. i came from a place where i was raised by misbrother by my brother at the age of 16 because one of my parents decided to cheat. i love my parents, but seriously you probably don t know what it feels like to be a child where parents are torn apart because of adultery. and i don t understand why you continue to encourage that. thank you. [ applause ] you re absolutely right that s a horrible situation to come from. i come from two loving parents who after 33 years of marriage did separate. but let me just ask you though, you have a daughter who lives in the household. yes. and she knows that you have a girlfriend. well, she s 10 years old and i don t know what she knows. i thought she asked you if three people can get married. i said that the law says we can t, but the law says we can t do a lot of things. and a man who admitted to adultery stepped forward. the pastor did a series on lust and my wife got a phone call i was in an affair. to another human being. the damages from that will never end. even though i get my son 50% of the time, there s still 50% of the time i miss. thank you. his son, greg, has something to say as well. um, i don t think that how children, that their parents stay together, and they re cheating on each other it doesn t help because i went through it. the child does not feel good about it and the child would rather the parents not be there and be hurt. you have a lot of courage to stand up and talk. thank you. thank you. but before we went hope we had to ask directly the question we cheat or born for something else? i might consider what you have an odd answer to this, are we born to cheat? that that does not mean we are destined to cheat. i don t think we re born to cheat, but i do think that we have crafted a society that i don t think adultery is a good idea. but i think that s about the lying. i m not convinced it s about the sex. i think it s about the lying. i guess my position is i would phrase this differently, but it s not in our genetic makeup to be monogamous, but we re natural-born sinners. we all make mistakes, i do, we all do. however, god loves us and wants the best for or lives. he will change our lives and change marriages and i believe and with that, the formal part of our conversation ended. though people chatted late. into the night. and what a fascinating conversation it was. one that s continuing right now online. if you want to join in or watch the entire 90-minute debate and it was fascinating, go to our special ten commandment section on the nightline page on abcnews.com. you might want to take the saint or sinner quiz. when we come back, closing argument.