Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey hey cheers and applause jon hey stephen good to see you. Hey whats going on . Hey, everybody. Jon hey stephen welcome to the late show. Thank you so much for being here. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. I want to thank our friend james corden for stopping by. Hell be hosting the grammys a week from this sunday. Only cbs. Only cbs . Onto cbs. Thats why they call it that. And more importantly, happy black History Month, everybody jon. Jon happen black History Month. Stephen louis. applause jon laughing stephen today, black History Monthed the stay way all should with the announcement that beyonce is pregnant cheers and applause she dropped the knowledge today with this photo on instagram, showing us her baby bump at what appears to be a very openminded sears portrait studio. laughter they kick me out for wearing a thong, but she gets to do that. And if youre excited about th, lemonade, because queen bey says, we have been blessed two times over. That means twins, ladies and gentlemen all the double babies all the double babies put your hands up i think i have fuller himself than beyonce, though. This morning, the start of black History Month was also marked by another prominent person of color, donald trump. laughter he has color. He has color. Yeah. Jon multicolor. Stephen multicolors, exactly. Hes a Rainbow Coalition from the neck up. Today, trump held a press conference to honor African American luminaries like the two black people he knows, ben carson and omarosa. And trump immediately sent a strong message to the African American community. Right. There. See . There it oh stephen no, why are you booing . Why are you booing . Trump just thinks black people are number one. He just strong message. And he immediately right off the beam concerned a major concern of the African American community himself. A lot of the media is actually the opposition party. They are so biased and, really, its a disgrace. I dont watch cnn. I dont like watching fake news. But fox has treated me very nice. Wherever fox is, thank you. Stephen what better way to celebrate black History Month than to have African Americans listen to a rich white guy complain that the world is unfair to him . laughter of course, trump also took a moment to reflect on the legacy of dr. Martin luther king. You read all about dr. Martin luther king a week ago when somebody said i took the statue out of my office, and it turned out that that was fake news from these people. laughter stephen yes, fake news. Trump didnt take that statue from his office. It tried to escape. laughter applause but trumps deep knowledge of the struggle doesnt stop at Martin Luther king. Frederick douglass is an example of somebody who has done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, i notice. Stephen yeah, i noticed that, too, yeah. Hearing a lot more about this Fred Douglass guy. You know Fred Douglass, jon. Isly a rapper. Jon no. Stephen hes not the fred prince of bel air. Jon different guy. Stephen trump continued to talk. Harriet tubman, rosa parks and millions more black americans who made america what it is today. Black people hes heard of at this point. Ah, harriet tubman, rosa parks, fat albert, the pine sol commercial lady, Robert Downey jr. In tropic thunder. laughter applause thank you for your service. We will never forget you. Of course, the news trump really wants us talking about is last nights premiere of so you think you can scotus . Where in a rare live broadcast from the east room, trump revealed that his choice for the Supreme Court federal judge and dad from a walmart photo frame, neil gorsuch. Today, i am keeping another promise to the American People by nominating judge neil gorsuch of the United StatesSupreme Court, to be of the United StatesSupreme Court. Stephen did i did he did he say he was already of the Supreme Court . Did gorsuch, like, grow up there like a feral child or something, hiding under alitos robes and surviving on whatever crumbs fall out of Ruth Bader Ginsbergs neck ruffle . I dont know. Im sure its going to be fine. And then it was time for america to meet judge gorsuch. And i would like to ask judge gorsuch and his wonderful wife, louise, to please step forward, please louise. laughter applause . Stephen please, louise. Pull me off of my knees. Jack, get back. Come on before we crack. Lose your blues. Everybody cut, everybody cut, footloose loose, loose, loose thank you very much. applause whats that . Thats the other one. Thats the other one. Thats the flash dance. Lets not mix these up. Now, im not sure this is trumps first choice, obviously. The guy is very honored to be there, to be the next justice of the Supreme Court. But im not sure how great their relationship is. Look how trump shakes his hands, one, two, and yank her out like hes starting a lawnmower. Can we play that one more time . Can we go back . You can tell whats going on. Gorsuch is like, you nominated me, but i dont want to be that close in the photo. And trump is like, give daddy some sugar, ago. I know its an independent judicial branch, but im going to rip the branch off. That was his arm. That was his arm i was pulling over there. Now, since it was a reality show, the robe ceremony had to have a runnerup. Hardiman didnt get the job, came very close. Hardimans a former taxi driver, which is why all of his decisions start with okay if we take the tunnel . Now, heres my favorite part apparently the Trump Administration asked hardiman to come to washington to build suspense. And i just want to say to president trump, you already have us on the edge of our seat, sir. Please. I dont think we can take any more thrills. Now, trump played the suspense perfectly. Cnn even broadcast footage of hardiman getting gas on the way to d. C. It was such dramatic footage, that cnn had to cut away from their live coverage of paint drying. Drying. laughter apparently, hardiman was willing to play along with the ruse because he was given a sense that there could be a spot for him should another vacancy open thats right. He may have been the runnerup nominee, but that just means he is going to be next seasons the nominette. Now, republicans are ready to confirm gorsuch right away. Theyre ready to go. Senate Majority Leader Mitch Mcconnell actually said, i hope members of the senate will again show him fair consideration with an upordown vote on his nomination, just like the senate treated the four firstterm nominees of president s clinton and obama. I forget what happened to obamas secondterm nominee. You know who might know . The assistant manager of my local applebees, Merrick Garland. He just helped me make a big decision in the case of jalapeno poppers v. Loaded potato skins. It is so ordered. laughter thats how they sign judgments in want Supreme Court. I thought it would be funny joke if you used that to order food at an applebees. laughter this this part of the no . No this is the part of the monologue that editing is for right now. laughter cheers and applause now, im not sure that gorsuch is the worst nominee trump could have chosen. I mean, he could have picked himself. Thats a disturbing idea, i realize. But speaking of disturbing idea, it turns out the Westminster Dog Show is now going to include cats. This is mass madness. You maniac. Dogs and cats are complete opposites. Theyll be fighting like some things that fight a lot. Some metaphor lightning, what fights a lot. Peanut butter. Jon thats good. Stephen look, there are two types of people in the wod cat people and people who know dog shows are for dogs. You understand this is how trump got elected, right . We cant change the culture this fast. Now, the cats will be part of a meet the breeds event. Which i assume is where chuck todd interviews a persian longhair about trade policy. laughter and i dont cat plays with him like a mouse. I dont understand how this is happening. How are dog judges going to even evaluate cats . Luckily, dont have to guess because we here at the late show can obtained some exclusive footage. This is trixie, a siamese shorthaired mix. Look at her form as she licks her butt hole. Amazing. So cool. 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To help provide access to cleanh water to womeng and their families in the developing world. We can be the generation remembered for ending the global water crisis once and for all. Fios is not cable. Were wired differently. Which means we can deliver internet speeds differently. Welcome to 8 and a half maple street. Its half a house. And even though it only has half the headroom, half a hallway, half the closet space and a half bath, its a full house to the wilsons. Because they have fios, the only 100 Fiber Optic Network with uploads as fast as downloads, their half house has full internet. Cable only offers upload speeds that are a fraction of their downloads. Now you might think its a little odd that the wilsons have a half house, get 150 meg internet with equal uploads and downloads, tv and phone for only 79. 99 per month online for one year. Cable cant offer speeds this fast at a price this good. Only fios can. band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste ask stay human, everybody. Give it up for the band over there jon. Can i mind if i ask you a question . Jon yeah, yeah. Stephen to you like ice cream . Jon i love ice cream. I teat all the time. Stephen i do, too. Not as much as i like to, because these suits are pretty close cut. You know i have my own ice cream. Jon i do, americone dream. Stephal to charity. So please do applause jon right. Stephen im saying im a really great person is what im saying. But the reason i bring this up is im very proud to announce today ben jerrys we got the pints, you can get americone dreams in the scoop shops but ben jerrys have come out what are called pint slices, okay. This is the very first time. This is like each one of these is like you sliced a pint of americone dream, and you dipped it in chocolate, okay. One of these bad boys. Do you want one . Jon yeah. Stephen do you want one of these things . Jon let me get that. Stephen anybody out here . Anybody want one of these . Anybody up there . There you go cheers i i i never said i was a baseball player. I said im the host of a tv show. Anyway, what i just want to say, and i want to saabsolute ben jerrys for this, i february 1 is the perfect time to release a new ice cream. Jon perfect time, ice cream all year round, man. Stephen anybody can eat ice cream in the summertime, okay. Thats for the week. True ice cream lovers eat it all the time. Jon all the time. Stephen because guess what . Jon im with it. Im with it. Im with it. Stephen because guess what . I have feelings all year round. Jon thats right. Stephen and im eating my feelings when i eat the ice cream. Im eating the 59 right now. Youve got to. Go get your things or you hate children. All for charity. Where are we . In here . Right here . My first guest is the creator and star of the office and extras. He now stars in david brent life on the road. Excuse me, can i have the bill please . Should i fut on your room. Rooms, were not separate rooms. So you want separate bills . No, no, no, put it on my room, 106, but, no, that were not i wouldnt not with him. And not because hes a black ma id do it with a black woman, for example not you. Oh, yes, you. Yeah. laughter if you were consenting. Andab ove legal age, which you, obviously, are not obviously. Stephen please welcome ricky gervais. applause hello. Stephen hello. Hi. Stephen people are very excited to see you. You got a standing ovation. Not everybody gets that im very excited to see them. Stephen thank you for the arm yank over there. Does that not tell you everything you need to know about donald trump . Oooh laughter i wasnt political till about six months ago. I wasnt interested in politics. But now im just lets not talk about him though. Stephen thats fine. Lets talk about you. Youre more interesting. Im not. Thats the its just laughter he is fascinating well, hes got more in common with david brent than someone like j. F. K. David brent wants to be famous and loved and hed do anything do you know what i mean . Stephen he seems very fragile. But david brent is sort of like an old the difference between the office and this movie, is the world has changed in 15 years. Its much harsher, and so back then, david brent seemed leak a bit of an idea and he was like a narcissist. It was on a reality show. But by todays standards, hes not that bad because theres a new do you know what i mean . Theres a new fame, theres a new people do anything to be famous. They would do anything to be famous. And weve had things like the apprentice where people get on it by saying, i would destroy anyone who stands in my way. There is a new sort of alpha man its quite sad. Stephen david brent is an alpha male . No, hes not. Stephen he wants to seem like an alpha male. He seems a bit helpless because hes 55 dispp now hes a tampon rep, and he wants to be a rock star like everyone does, and hes hemorrhaging cash and he puts a band together and he goes on the road. And its really tragic. But he just wants to be loved, deep down, just like donald trump. laughter . Stephen , you know, i think so, too. I think thats why hes yanking Merrick Garland into the photo, stand next to me. He goes on twitter and says things like, everyone loves me. I was the best. Hes like a 10yearold. You know what i mean . Stephen yeah, yeah. Its crazy. Stephen the 10yearold with the launch codes. Thats the worrying thing, isnt it . He has got those, hasnt he . Maybe theyve given him fake ones. laughter applause cheers they must stephen just a big they just just a big shiny red button thats attached to nothing. Theres two. Theres a shiny red button and theres a blue boton, and ones for pizza like that and the other one doesnt really work. Stephen speak of people you just blew up china, mr. Trump. Good, good. And he thinks hes doing all this stuff but he isnt really. That would be good. Stephen that would be nice. That would be nice. Its not true, but it would be nice. Now, speaking of people who want to be rock stars, some people out there may already know this may i show this . Sure. Stephen this is a picture of you how long ago . 1983. Okay. whistle this is you and a guy named bill mccrae in a band called shawna dancing. It was an actual band. It was an actual band. Stephen did you have a hit . No, nearly. It was noon 83 im a fine old rock star. Thanks for bringing it up. But its 30 years ago. This thing only comes because im famous for something else. And they bring it out and go, look at you. People think im embarrassed about how i looked then. I am exwarlsed how i look now. Stephen i didnt bring tout to embarrass you. This sth who david brent thinks he is . David brent no, we didnt make it. We release aid few singers and then a got an a normal job in an office for 10 years which is what the office is based on. You use all experiences, good and bad piches aid fail musician, so i fused the two. There were things that happened in the film that happened to me. I remember in 1985, we did a gig, and we did the sound check, and the guy said, you might as well stay up there, because youre on now. And i said, when are they opening the doors to let people in . They said, theyre open. No ones come through to see you. I said, oh, lets treat it like a free rehearsal. And we just played 1 it was answer zen. But you take those with you. And in the film, obviously, david brent, hes hired these venues and hes trying to get people to come but its quite sad this film. But its funny. Its really fun nea tragic way. Stephen its completely funny. Theres nothing funnier than middleaged men trying to be cool. I just saw you dangs and it was honestly. Stephen i was trying my hardest. I was trying my hardest. You dreamed of being a dancer, dont you. Stephen a little bit. It looks like one of the muppets having a go. Stephen if only, if only i could have someones hand up my ass making me do that. laughter . Tonight, stephen. laughter your dream has come true. cheers and applause stephen speak of speaking of which, this is kind of like it, you you do manage to get people upset at you, sometimes. You said there was no social media when david brent was around the first time. Yeah. Stephen but you social media or at least get attacked on social media sometimes. We heard about this. We asked you to may i show this . Yeah. Because can i read it . Can i interested first . Stephen what is the story behind this particular tweet . So i go on social media, and i like to i like to talk about science and stuff, and sometimes facts annoy people. laughter and the facts people, creationists who believe the earth is, like, 5,000 years old. Stephen 6,000 years old. Sorry, sorry, my bad. Right. laughter i like to say things like, happy birthday earth, 4. 6 b