Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170920 :

WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers September 20, 2017

During his address to the u. N. Today, President Trump referred to north Korean Leader kim jongun as rocket man. Even worse, he referred to Nuclear Missiles as boom boom sticks. [ laughter ] folks, the rocket man has boom boom sticks and theres a good chance were all going to go kablooey. [ light laughter ] trump also said during his address that if north korea continues working on its nuclear program, the u. S. Will have no choice but to totally destroy north korea. Oh, my god. Trump is going to run for president of north korea [ laughter and applause ] according to cnn, investigators wire tapped former Trump Campaign chairman, Paul Manafort before and after the election. Im not surprised. Look at that guy. [ light laughter ] that face counts as probable cause. He looks like he only communicates via manila envelopes on a park bench. [ light laughter ] a lawyer who was part of the investigation that led to the impeachment trial, of former president bill clinton recently said the special counsel, robert mueller, is trying to set a tone to, quote, strike terror in the hearts of people of washington. Which used to be Steve Bannons job. Oh [ laughter and applause ] Senate Republicans led by Lindsey Graham and bill cassidy have revived the effort to repeal obamacare. Again . Usually when a bad idea comes back this many times, johnny depp is in it. [ laughter and applause ] an 83yearold grandfather in california recently pushed a suspected burglar off his roof. Neighbors are calling it shocking, while the roofer is calling it the last time he works on that house. [ laughter ] and finally, the Italian Restaurant chain Villa Italian Kitchen is adding a new Pumpkin Spice pizza to its menu. And if you like that, youre going to love starbucks new linguine mocha. [ audience groans ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause ] he is one of our favorites, the host of Anderson Cooper 360 on cnn, Anderson Cooper is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] one of the first standup comedy shows i ever saw live, my parents took my brother and i to see this next guy, hes a hilarious comedian whos the subject of the new documentary, gilbert. Gilbert gottfried, the one and only, here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] as funny as they come. And very exciting, to have this author here. Her second novel, Little Fires Everywhere is available now. Celeste ng joins us on late night tonight. [ applause ] cant wait to chat with her about her great book. Before we get to all that, even as the russia investigation reportedly nears its first possible indictment of a trump associate, the gop is insisting on ramming through a radical plan to repeal obamacare without even waiting to find out what it does. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth of course, with Everything Else going on, trump has also been preoccupied lately with the north Korean Nuclear program. And since it seems like threats and sanctions have not stopped north Korean Leader kim jongun so far, trump is trying out a new tactic, nicknames. Over the weekend, he tweeted, i spoke with president moon of south korea last night, asked him how rocket man is doing. And then today he repeated the nickname, not in a tweet, but in his first speech to the United Nations general assembly. The United States has great strength and patience, but if it is forced to defend itself or its allies, we will have no choice but to totally destroy north korea. Rocket man is on a Suicide Mission for himself. And for his regime. Seth why are you calling him rocket man . [ light laughter ] thats not a diss. Thats a cool nickname. [ laughter ] youre making him sound like a character from top gun. Hey. Hey, rocket man, youre on a Suicide Mission. And theres only one way to settle this. On the volleyball court. [ laughter and applause ] so trump trump is again threatening north korea with military force, even though that seems to have failed as a strategy so far. In fact, as we know, trump loves talking about the military. He surrounded himself with generals, called for massive increases in military spending, and during a meeting with french president Emmanuel Macron yesterday, trump talked about how much he loved frances bastille day military parade and suggested he might want to replicate it here in the u. S. On the 4th of july. Its one of the greatest parades ive ever seen. It was two hours on the button, and it was military might. It had representatives from different wars, and different uniforms. Were going to have to try and top it. But we had a lot of planes going over it and we had a lot of military might. Seth trump talks about the military like a kid who just got home from his first air show. We had a lot of planes going over head, and one of them did a flip, and another one made a boom, and then when he landed, one of the pilots, he tossed me his sunglasses, and he said, hey, kid, ill see you in the skies. and then i said, thanks rocket man. [ applause ] of course, it might be a little foolhardy to make plans for next july, considering the speed with which the russia investigation is engulfing trumps white house. Yesterday was yet another bombshell about the russia investigation being conducted by special counsel, robert mueller, suggesting that mueller may be close to indicting one of trumps closest associates. His former campaign chief, Paul Manafort. Breaking news tonight on special counsel Robert Muellers case against Paul Manafort. According to the New York Times when federal agents executed a search warrant on manaforts Virginia Home two months ago, which was reported more recently, the special counsel followed up with a warning. His prosecutors told manafort they planned to indict him. Quote, paul j. Manafort was in bed early one morning in july when federal agents bearing a search warrant, picked the lock on his front door and raided his Virginia Home. They took binders stuffed with documents and copied his computer files, looking for evidence that manafort had set up secret offshore bank accounts. They even photographed the expensive suits in his closet. Seth thats right. They photographed his expensive suits. Well, manafort might like to shop at armani, but where hes headed is definitely more of a mens warehouse. [ laughter and applause ] now, the hardnosed tactics being used by mueller have been described by some as a shock and awe approach, with one former independent counsel saying muellers approach is intended to scare people into telling him the truth. They are setting a tone. Its important early on to strike terror in the hearts of people in washington, or else you will be rolled. And if theres anyone who can strike terror in the hearts of people in washington, its robert mueller. Look at him. He looks like the doorknocker on a haunted castle. [ laughter ] another former prosecutor said the investigation resembled the way Law Enforcement has historically gone after the mob, telling the times, they seem to be pursuing this more aggressively, taking a much harder line than you would expect to see in a typical white collar case. This is more consistent with how you go after an organized crime syndicate. And that is so unfair. How dare anyone call the Trump Administration organized [ laughter ] theyre basically [ cheers and applause ] come on. Organized. Theyre basically running the government like a roomba. Yeah, we just go until we hit a wall and then go somewhere else. And we suck the whole time. [ laughter and applause ] so so with the russia investigation escalating rapidly, how is the president s legal Team Responding . Well, yesterday the New York Times reported that there are internal divisions between trumps lawyers over how much to cooperate with the special counsel. Trumps lawyer, ty cobb, has accused the white house counsel, don mcgahn, together known as franklin and stache of withholding Sensitive Information from the rest of the team. According to the times, cobb said of mcgahn, hes got a couple documents locked in a safe. The craziest part, though, is how the New York Times found out about cobbs comments. It wasnt from an interview or an anonymous source. Instead, cobb was overheard by a reporter for the New York Times discussing the dispute during a lunch time conversation at a popular washington steakhouse. The Trump Administration is worried about leaks, and yet it keeps hiring people who are the physical manifestation of leaks. [ light laughter ] when they talk, it should just be the sound of air escaping a balloon. [ sound of air escaping ] [ laughter and applause ] now, obviously, we dont know yet where the russia investigation will lead. But one things for sure. It will continue to infuriate trump, who remains obsessed with both the 2016 election and in particular hillary clinton. So much so, that he retweeted a video from a fan account over the weekend that made it look like he hit hillary in the back with a golf ball. And hey man, i dont know if you noticed, but youre the one under fbi investigation with Approval Ratings in the low 30s. If youre going to post memes of yourself golfing, at least make them more accurate. [ laughter and applause ] and, yet he was so happy to swallow hes so happy to eat a golf ball. [ light laughter ] and yet even with these scandals swirling around historically unpopular president , trumps party is still trying to push through his domestic agenda, specifically his promise to repeal and replace obamacare. The gop is like, your friend who knows only one song on the guitar. And hes drunk and no one wants to hear it, but hes tuning it up again. Republicans are pushing a new bill that is in many ways even more radical than previous bills. The new bill would eliminate obamacares subsidies for private insurance and end the medicaid expansion. States could allow for waivers to let insurers charge sick patients higher premiums and stop covering certain benefits required under the Affordable Care act, like maternity care, or prescription drugs. Although last week when trump first heard about the new Gop Health Care bill being advanced in the senate, he talked about it in vague terms and made clear he had no idea what it was. Well be discussing probably a little bit of health care, because i know some informations come to light. Seth some informations come to light. Every time trump talks about health care he sounds like a teaser trailer for a soap opera. Next week on an all new trumpcare. We had to go with the health care first. And were doing well. I think were going to have some great surprises. [ laughter ] seth what kind of surprises . This latest attempt to ram through a Health Care Bill that would literally take money away from Vulnerable People without letting people know what it would do, is why democrats need to be extremely careful before making any deals with trump and the gop. Trump has apparently commented recently that its much easier to get along with democratic leaders, Chuck Schumer and nancy pelosi than with gop leaders, paul ryan and mitch mcconnell. According to politico, trump has dismissed ryan as, quote, a boy scout and complained in private that its difficult to have any sort of relationship or even make small talk with Senate Majority leader, mitch mcconnell. Oh, i wish i could see trump trying to make small talk with mitch mcconnell. Do you have a gold apartment . I do not, mr. President. Oh. [ laughter ] why does your face look like that . [ laughter ] meanwhile, after a meeting between trump and schumer, his fellow new yorker, a congressmen who was present, said trump and schumer got along so well, it was almost like a lovein at times and schumer was caught on a hot mic on the senate floor gushing about how much trump likes the democrats. And him in particular, even telling a colleague that his new partnership with trump would go smoothly. He likes us. He likes me, anyway. Heres what i told him i said, mr. President , youre much better off if you can sometimes step right and sometimes step left. If you have to step just in one direction youre boxed. [ inaudible ] always gonna work out. Seth no it wont work out [ light laughter ] hell only be your ally as long as youre useful to him. Havent you seen how he treats his friends . First youll stand behind him at a press conference, and the next thing you know youre eating nachos and yelling at people at baseball games. Its a precipitous ball. [ laughter and applause ] remember this is still the same donald trump who ran a cruel bigoted campaign. Who called mexicans rapists, bragged about committing sexual assault, and fired the fbi director for investigating his administration. In fact, just last week after an attack on the london underground, before any details were known, trump doubled down on his call for a muslim travel ban. Trump tweeting, the travel ban into the United States should be far larger, tougher and more specific. But stupidly, that would not be politically correct. And then there was this. We have made more progress in the last nine months against isis than the Obama Administration has made in eight years. Must be proactive, and nasty. Seth must be proactive and nasty . Thats not a terrorism strategy. Thats a prince bside. [ light laughter ] you know what, can we actually hear a little proactive and nasty . Im not gonna wait for that ass to come to me uh yeah im about to get proactive and nasty seth thats it. [ laughter and applause ] so one of trumps closest associates is on the verge of being indicted, and the gop is trying to ram through a massively unpopular bill that could strip Health Care Away from millions. Ill say it again. Donald trump is really hitting a hole in one. [ light laughter ] right into his own mouth. This has been a closer look. 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Dr. Scholls. Born to move. Dr. Holls. Born to move. The all new 2018 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody and please give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause ] also, so excited. Joining us this week, fred armisen is back, everybody. Give it up for fred [ cheers and applause ] and fred its so im so happy to see you. I saw you this weekend, we sat right next to each other, a row apart, at the emmys . Yeah, that was fun. Seth congratulations on your portlandia nomination. Thank you. And congratulations to you. Seth thank you. And this would be when i congratulated each other on winning, but that didnt happen. [ light laughter ] well, we dont know yet. Seth yeah, we dont know yet. Youre right. [ laughter ] yeah. Seth theres going to be a recount. Um [ laughter ] fred, im so impressed. You do so many things. Youre always so busy. Not just portlandia. This show, a million other products projects i should say. And now youre in the lego ninjago movie. Youre a voice in the lego. And this is your character right here. Im going to put him down. Thats really [ laughter ] very fitting. Very well done. Yeah. Seth yeah. Thats cole. Seth thats cole. Yeah, yeah. Seth thats your character cole. Thats great. And i got to be honest, you do so many things.

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