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Congress. Last week the Senate Intelligence committee voted to declassify a comprehensive report on our countrys use of um i guess what the c. I. A. What would called super aggressive terrorist suspect spa treatments during the Bush Administration. [laughter] anyway i assume that the declassified report is excull pa tory and reaffirmed the commitment to the american values. The exposed brutality that stands in stark contrast to our value as a nation. It chronicles a stain on the history that must never be allowed to happen again. This is not what americans do. Yes, this is not what americans e...

Quick off the top, an apology. Last night, i went on a bit of a tear against phillies manager Ryne Sandberg and his home city of philadelphia. And i may have overstepped. Sometimes you hurt those you dont intend to. In this case, the philly phanatic. Obviously theres no need to rehash who called who a bleep up jim henson reject looking piece of bleep . Or words exactly to that effect. The point is, it was said. Most likely by the one of us who doesnt have a blow tickler in place of a functioning larynx. However, after our taping, it was brought to my attention that the mascot of my preferred b...

[cheers and applause] with the war at an end, our butters is able to have his hapa noa ceremony and, with any help from the gods, become his old cheery self again. And so it is with great honor that we recognize these two natives with their hapa loa. Take your cards, boys. A puy loa hapa loa apa a a hoo ha [blowing conch weakly] its finally over, young keiki. Is your anger at rest . Yeah, i guess so. Except it still doesnt change the fact that ben affleck gets to be handsome, talented, and then gets to go home and kiss Jennifer Lopez. Ben affleck isnt with Jennifer Lopez anymore. Hes married t...