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What is it like to watch as a patient gulps for his last breath, eyes bulging at you in terror? How does it feel to be breathless yourself, stuck behind a sweaty visor that steams up so badly you fear making a life-threatening blunder?
And why does being hailed as a ‘hero’ by politicians every Thursday evening start to seem like a sick joke? Welcome to the world of the hospital doctor in a time of pandemic.
Rachel Clarke is an NHS consultant in palliative care. In normal times her work involves helping terminally ill patients leave this world as gently as possible. But in the spring of 2020, her hospice is repurposed as a ‘Covid Response Centre’ and she is tasked with caring for critically ill patients who, a mere fortnight earlier, were commuting by train and taking their grandchildren to the park.