Then surely i can get through this. she just made it all real and all 0k in a world where everything s very not ok. the insomnia was just horrific, and i d sit on the settee all the way through the night while my hubby and my kids were asleep and just feel like the loneliest person in the whole world and have plans to end my life and be trying not to act on those plans during the night. no matter what beth was going through, even when she was in hospital recovering from surgery. ..she was messaging me at two o clock in the morning, being there for me. she was just amazing. to know that she was lying ....