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It was right in front of us the whole time. I think the Jackson Family works for the government. Thats my new theory, i think every time the government needs a distraction they call up the jacksons. Yeah, hello janet, were gonna need you to whip out a titty at the superbowl. Yeah. Yeah. And tell michael to schedule a sleepover asap, operation beat it is in effect. But lets not lose sight of the real tragedy here which is that Michael Jacksons music kind of sucks now. I think wed all be willing to sacrifice a couple kids for another billy jean. [audience groans] hey, at this point id be willing to look the other way for a pyt. Greatness has its price. Thanks a lot guys. Youve been great. Have a great night. [cheers, whistles applause] captioning made possible by Comedy Central. Captioned by mccaptioning services www. Mc ....
His mother is so upset she wont even eat her own [beep]. Joe biden kept asking the vet if all dogs go to heaven was a true story. Friends were encouraged to send torn up, peed on flowers. Rest in fleas. God bless america. See you soon but not too soon. Are you excited to be here . Very much, yes. Do you have a girlfriend . No. Want to know why . Look at you. You look like you want a boyfriend. I do have one. There you go. Is this your boyfriend . Stand up and be counted for. You can do better, dude that just stood up. If i was this dude, i would walk into mr. Fister tonight and tell every drunk dude im Seth Mcfarland and go hit the glory hole. Good luck, fellas. It looks better. Enough with the bread from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by < ....
Some claim that its vicious i happen to think that its magically delicious so lets play that game called take out your balls its easy to play just take out your balls so pour me a bud ill pour you a bass put a potato in a cannon and fire it up in the air heidihe, heidiho heidihi, heidihey everyone. Were fat and were irish were drunk and were gay well, that wasnt everyone, was it . [laughter] heidihe, heidiho heidihi, heidihey everyone. Were fat and were irish were drunk and were gay im gonna keep doing this til everyone sings. And thatll get pretty [bleep] annoying. Heidihe, heidiho heidihi, heidihey well, were fat audience and were irish were drunk and were gay thank you all very much. Thats my time you were great. Captioning made possible by Comedy Central. Captioned by mccaptioning services www. Mccaption. Com from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this ....