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[ dallas theme music ] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause from austin, texas. A city so liberal a guitar can marry a cowboy boot. Its the daily show coverage. Goes to the one part of texas where we wont get shot at. [ applause ] p jon thank you thank you so much welcome to the show thank you so much. Wow, what an honor to be here in austin, texas only open carry ebola state in the union. We are thrilled to be here in austin. We have a nice week planned. The midterm elections, wendy davis is here. [ cheering and applause ] really the big story in the country continues it...

Which, of course, is black History Month but did you know that its also childrens dental health month . laughter that means its an important month for African Americans. Children with teeth. But especially African American children with teeth. cheers and applause the point is, kids, great African American leaders like rosa parks and Martin Luther king want you to floss. laughter okay . Thats what they fought for. And thanks to their sacrifice, you can floss on any seat in the bus you choose. Because theres only one thing worse than racism and thats racism with gingivitis. laughter yet another ...

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [crowd cheering] [crowd chanting] stephen welcome to the report everybody. Thank you so for joining us. Thanks, everybody. [crowd cheering] thanks for being here. Thank you. Thank you in here out there all around the world, mr. And mrs. America. I want to thank you folks. I want to thank you folk for joining us on this, on this what i believe is the last day of america. [laughter] this is it, nation. No, no, this is it, date we all feared would come, ever since we were told it ...