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Everything you can imagine and still it wasn't enough to save him. >> if you look at the risk factors of what puts people at risk for suicide, matthew had almost none of the risk factors. he had a great, as you say, loving family. he had access to care, he had friends, he had everything. and yet -- >> strong social system around him. >> yeah. the main risk factor for him was mental illness and he had that. >> if love could have kept my child alive, he'd be alive today because he was incredibly loved. he had an older sister and older brother who were fiercely protective of him, even as a young ...

Most awful of blows. snow matthew wasn't gay but if he was, we would have loved him unconditionally anyway. it wouldn't have made any difference at all. >> he was our son. >> he was, he was our son. it's not a candy bar. 130 calories 7 grams of protein the fiber one caramel nut protein bar. just by talking to a helmet. it grabbed the patient's record before we even picked him up. it found out the doctor we needed was at st. anne's. wiggle your toes. [ driver ] and it got his okay on treatment from miles away. it even pulled strings with the stoplights. my ambulance talks with smoke alarms and ...

>> when did he finally get this gun? >> a month before he took his life. >> do you know how he got it? who he got it from? >> he told me -- he told me everything. he told me he found somebody on the internet who would sell it to him and had to be super encrypted and this whole process and he begged me to help him because he couldn't figure out the process because there's so many moments of terrible choices with mental illness. here's my son in terrible pain begging me to help him get a means to end is pain. it's like, my son, i can't do that. i can help you live. i will do anything to help you...

He wanted to die in a peaceful way. he tried to buy nimbutol on the internet. people took thousands of dollars to him and never gave it to him. people sold him poison that was supposedly peaceful poison. he really -- he was so desperate to end the pain. that's the most important thing is that matthew was in such excruciating emotional and physical pain. he just wanted the pain to stop. >> matthew was not afraid to die. he was afraid of pain. i remember 10 years ago, when he was 17, he came to me, sobbing and he said, daddy, he said, it's really clear, i'm not growing to get any better. we'd go...