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captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org [cheering and applause] jon: my show. my beautiful show. here it is, your moment of zen. people are holding tickets that match the winning numbers in the $636 million mega millions drawing. let s go from the best of luck to the worst of fate, it s still not clear why a gunman walked into a medical buildi captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org test. stephen: tonight is santa claus an american, well, he is fat and wears a velvet track suit. then a shocking taste of government waste. there is nothing wrong with the old hampshire. and my guest is keanu reeves who stars in the new samurai movie 47 ronin , oh, three more and he can get the free ronin . stock tores say an apple a day may prevent heart attack, if only there were some sort of rhyme to remember that. this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) (chee ....
(cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the show, everybody. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. nation, if you will excuse me if i seem a bit more radiant tonight. or if my movements are more poetic than normalling if i m unusually in sync with myself, i m just still floating on air from this weekend s gold medal performance by the u.s. ice dancing team. (cheers and applause) these guys their passion could have melted the ice and even if it had, they would have just won the gold for sin crom synchronized swimming am you know themming they re american s darling. the bouncing and behaving charlie white and meryl davis who i believe comes from the island where they grow disney princesses. now of course this network does not have the right to rebroadcast any of nbc s coverage. if i corporation i would show you ....
confederate flag. i certainly hope state troopers don t use it to racially profile white people. this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the show, everybody. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. nation, if you will excuse me if i seem a bit more radiant tonight. or if my movements are more poetic than normalling if i m unusually in sync with myself, i m just still floating on air from this weekend s gold medal performance by the u.s. ice dancing team. (cheers and applause) these guys their passion could have melted the ice and even if it had, they would have just won the gold for sin crom synchronized swimming am you know themming they re american s darling. the bouncing and behaving charlie white and meryl davis who i believe comes from the island where they grow disney princesse ....
licence plate with the confederate flag. i certainly hope state troopers don t use it to racially profile white people. this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the show, everybody. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. nation, if you will excuse me if i seem a bit more radiant tonight. or if my movements are more poetic than normalling if i m unusually in sync with myself, i m just still floating on air from this weekend s gold medal performance by the u.s. ice dancing team. (cheers and applause) these guys their passion could have melted the ice and even if it had, they would have just won the gold for sin crom synchronized swimming am you know themming they re american s darling. the bouncing and behaving charlie white and meryl davis who i believe comes from the island where the ....
stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. nation, if you will excuse me if i seem a bit more radiant tonight. or if my movements are more poetic than normalling if i m unusually in sync with myself, i m just still floating on air from this weekend s gold medal performance by the u.s. ice dancing team. (cheers and applause) these guys their passion could have melted the ice and even if it had, they would have just won the gold for sin crom synchronized swimming am you know themming they re american s darling. the bouncing and behaving charlie white and meryl davis who i believe comes from the island where they grow disney princesses. now of course this network does not have the right to rebroadcast any of nbc s coverage. if i corporation i would show you footage of bob costas and the horrible lovecraftian eye nightmar ....