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Staten Island: So now the MTA is looking to put privately hired security guards by turnstiles to prevent fare evasion in the subways. I’ve heard many stories to this effect, yet none of them have mentioned fare evasion that takes place on its buses.
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Manhattan: As all of society collapses, let’s look on the bright side: Many eternal debates will now be settled, once and for all, so we can all live in harmony! For example, the entire world says Elon Musk is a genius. I think he’s an astounding moron. We will know within six months if he has made Twitter super-profitable and a great place for all customers!