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RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Seven hours to clear Heathrow? It's bordering on the ridiculous


Some years ago I went to a stand-up comedy night at Camden Lock, in North London, in aid of the charity Jewish Care.
Biggest laugh of the evening greeted a routine by the multi-talented Bradley Walsh, then starting out on his road to stardom.
It went something like: I m thrilled to be taking part in a gig for Jewish Care. I ve just got back from a week s holiday in Israel.
Well, I say a week. Actually, I spent 48 hours in Eilat and five days answering questions at the airport.
His knowing reference to the rigorous security precautions on the Israeli airline El Al brought the house down. And this was before the terrorist attacks on 9/11 turned air travel into a jobsworth s paradise. ....

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Where are You Rang M'Lord? cast now - pop star, surgery and death by acid cleaner


Where are You Rang M Lord? cast now - pop star, surgery and death by acid cleaner
The BBC sitcom You Rang M Lord? ran for four years, but since it concluded two of the cast have sadly since died, although the top stars have all enjoyed successful acting careers
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One good thing about the week we've had: Dry January is well and truly dead


Sod it, get the booze in
Credit: Radu Bercan / Alamy Stock Photo
Right now, one man sums up the national mood. Steve McCroskey. If the name doesn’t ring a bell: he’s the guy in the control tower in Airplane!, that glorious spoof of Hollywood disaster movies. The pilots of an airliner have been taken ill in mid-flight, and now a passenger has to take the controls. “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking,” McCroskey mutters – and lights a cigarette.
But the crisis continues to deepen. “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking,” he mutters – and takes a swig from a hipflask. Then: “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines… Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue…” ....

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RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: 2020? Even I couldn't have made it up!


This is the season when newspaper columnists are expected to pull on their Old Moore outfits and have a stab at predicting the year ahead.
Forgive me, but I opted out of this hackneyed tradition years ago, even though I d never really taken it seriously.
No matter how outrageous or spectacularly silly my forecasts, they rarely came anywhere close to anticipating what fresh madness the next 12 months had in store.
This year the Butterfly Effect has been working overtime. Chaos theory holds that a butterfly flapping its wings in the Amazon can trigger an unstoppable chain reaction which leads to a tornado on the other side of the world. ....

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