And musical guest public enemy featuring live jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen welcome, welcome, one and all to a late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert, as it says on the bone here. Well, we are live, right there, after the first president ial debate. Tonight was the opening round of donald trump versus joe biden, the battle of the boomers, the showman juries the joeman. Get ready for democracy to crumble i come to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, an empty vessel, a man with a mind wiped clean. I have stood in the swirling chaos of creation. I have seen shiva wielding his carvings agreement gout oft universe. The sky once red, blue, and black until all that remained was a starless void and the hollowed husk once known as Chris Wallace. We are emerged from the mat whirlwind where we forbade on the governance of god himself, and he said unto us, jesus, stop interrupting him, you giant baby yes, tonight saw the best minds of our generation destroyed by madness starving hysterical, naked, dragging themselves through the streets at dawn, looking for the mute button. Forget Fact Checking this debate. We couldnt even do any sentence finding i never thought id say this, but i am so looking forward to the Vice President ial debate. I mean, for petes sake, children watched that im glad ive already had my children, because i think just watching that sterilized me. But who knows . Who who knows . I can get emotional. Maybe im a little overheated. Lets see what the news professionals had to say about it. Dana bash. That was a bleep show. Okay, okay. That is, first of all, an insult to both shows and the other word that i cant say because this is cbs. Its not exactly accurate, because at least after a 90minute poop, you generally feel better. laughter okay. Oh lets get to the coverage. Going into tonights debate, anticipation was abub lin. The New York Times predicted a clash of style and ideas. No, bad, New York Times, bad stop pretending that any of this is normal. Theyre not equivalent candidates. You dont see a guy trying to take a molotov cocktail away from a baby and say, thats a real clash of style and ideas. Before the debate started, Chris Wallace gave us a preview of his moderation strategy, saying, my job is to be as invisible as possible. Chris, i could have told you trying to be invisible wouldnt help. Havent you seen the lord of the rings. I think my strongest may be by far is my temperament. Stephen now, before things even got started, the difference in the candidates was clear because everyone in bidens side of the hall was wearing a mask. Most of the people on trumps side, including his four children, were not wearing masks. And according to the Cleveland Clinic, it is a requirement that all guests wear masks. And thats not a medical requirement. The Cleveland Clinic just doesnt want to see erics mouth. Plus, youre not going to win over voters by killing them. Most polls show that voters do not respond well to their own deaths. Chris wallace opened by laying out the rules for the sparse audience. The audience here in the hall has promised to remain silent. Stephen and not just the republicans who have been cowards for the past four years. Even though the candidates did not shake hand, they did change pleasantries. applause how you doing, man . Stephen to which trump replied, im okay, how ar are u doing man, person, woman, camera, tv. It seems pretty clear from the beginning that trumps debate strategy was just to talk over everyone. Let me ask my question. Ill ask joe. The individual mandate was the most unpopular mr. President , mr. President , id like im the moderator of this debate and i would like you to can let me ask my question. Stephen and he just kept doing it all night. It reminded when Abraham Lincoln debated a leaf blower. Joe biden did get in some zingers. Mr. President , can you let him finish, sir . He doesnt know how to do that. Stephen to which melania responded, no you wouldnt. Eventually, biden had just had it. Well you shut up, man. Stephen no, no, he wont. Imagine if that worked its not great when you have to say the same thing to the president of the United States that you would shout at a friend who wont stop ranting about how van halen was actually a better band with sammy hagar. Biden tried to highlight just how bad trump has been on the coronavirus. And, by the way, maybe you could inject some bleach in your arm and that would take care of it. That was said sarcastically and you know that. Stephen it was sarcasm, just like my oath to hold up the constitution and my marriage vows. I guess im just too hip for the room. Then, then things got a little personal. A lot of people died, and a lot more are going to die unless he gets a lot smarter a lot quicker. Mr. President. Did you use the word smart . Dont ever use the word smart with me. Dont ever use that word. Stephen i can imagine trump is not used to hearing that word around him very much. Wallace tried to paint the difference in the two candidates campaigning styles quirk. President trump, youre holding the large rallies with crowds packed together, thousands of people. Outside. Outside, yes, sir, agreed. Vice President Biden you are holding much smaller events. Why you holding the big rallies, why you not . Sephen we already know the big rallies are bad, chris. This is like asking, mr. President , youre tying ladies to the Railroad Tracks as the choochoo trains are coming. Mr. Biden, why did you go with the strategy not killing your supporters . He tried to explain that the rallies are a health risk. Hes not worried about you. No negative effect. Weve had 35, 40,000 people at these rally s. Stephen no negative effect from your rally positive upon thats an interesting point. Herman cane, your thoughts . Herman cane. Evidently were having connection issues with the great beyond. Now, trump lamented the damaging effects of the lockdoin. You look at whats going on with divorce. Stephen i mean eveere you look, there are wives saying to their husbands, donald the second youre out of office im leaving you and your unspeakable burger farts. War crime, she used the word war crime. Shes going to drag my ass. laughter come on. You have to find your happiness where you can. Trump bragged about how hes rescued the wide world of sports. Im the one that brought back football. Stephen to which the Cleveland Browns fans said, yeah, were good. Trump then tried to defend paying so little in taxes. Before i came here, i was a private developer. I was a private businesspeople. I was a private businesspeople. It was me and a bunch of mes that i made up for tax writeoffs. The people. Then joe, he just got fed up. You are the worst president america has ever had. Stephen come on now, mr. Vice president. Thats not fair. Hes also the worst president america will ever have. Trump tried to hit joe where it hurt his record. Ive done more in in 47 months, ive done more than you have done in 47 years, joe. Stephen i, you know,. Thats possible. Ive don but volume isnt everything. The nuclear bomb did more in hiroshima in one day than any politician did in history, but something tells me it might have cost truman the japanese vote. There was an interesting moment of civility from biden. Its hard to get anywhere word in with this clown excuse me. Stephen its a good thing joe corrected himself. He wouldnt want to lose the clown vote. Its also not accurate. If trump was a clown, he would have a much more professional face paint. Then Chris Wallace announced he was going to ask a question about race. Were going to go to the next segment. Im going to ask a question about race, but if you want to answer about something else, go ahead. Stephen Chris Wallace, restating americas official position on racism. Then we arrived at one of the most telling, one of the most upsetting moments not only of the night but of my lifetime, when the president of the United States was asked simply to condemn White Supremacy. Are you willing tonight to condemn White Supremacists and militia groups. Im willing to do anything. I want to see peace. Then do it, sir. Do it, say them. What do you want to call them . Give me a name. White supremacists and militia. Stand back and stand by. Stephen didnt do it. I dont support White Supremacists. I just command them. Like a dog. Thats why ive got this shiny dog whistle. Proud boys proud boys stand back. Sit. Whos a proud boy . Youre a proud boy. On foreign affairs, biden said trump wasnt an attack dog. He was a lap dog. Hes putins puppy. He still refuses to say anything to putin about the bounty on the heads of american soldiers. Stephen thats not true. Im not his puppy. Im his b. F. F. Trump explained the massive forest fires in california arent climate changes fault. The forest floors are loaded up with trees, dead trees that are years old, and theyre like tirnd. Stephen theyre like tirnd. You swipe right, you swipe left, either way, total smoke show, and they are d. T. F. Down to forest fire. After one particularly long trump spittlefilled blather, Chris Wallace tried to get things back on track. Mr. Vice president , answered his final question. The final question is i cant remember which of all his rantings. Im having a little trouble myself. Stephen its funny, because we are facing the most important election of our lifetimes and were letting the idiot who shouts the loudest decide what we talk about. Now, trump ended up ginning up fears about the next election. This is going to be a fraud like youve never seen. Stephen oh, i dont know, im looking at a pretty big one right now. When Chris Wallace asked trump if he would call on his voters to stay calm, instead trump made a frightening call to his followers. Im urging my supporters to go into the polls and watch very carefully. Stephen maybe go hang out there wearing your favorite brown shirt and just, you know, s. S. The situation. After an hour and a half of soulpulverizing menace, i feel like i did coming out of Star Wars Episode one the phantom menace how can we possibly do this two more times . Ultimately, i think the American People, they were hurt tonight. And it and if you look online, theyre angry. Because this is a serious moment. Where human lives and the future of this irreplaceable country is on the line. And i know that Chris Wallace says hes not a fact checker. But after one and a half hours of chaos and lies, i can say theres one statement tonight that was absolutely true. This is not going to end well. This is not going to end well. Stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. Later on well have a performance by public enemy. But when we return, ill get a debate reaction from senator cory booker. Stick around. Urn, ill get a debate reaction from senator cory booker. Stick around. Woo Vicks Vapocool drops now in honey lemon chill not much, how about you . Are you answering my text in person . I am, yeah. Lol come on in. This is tech that helps you be there. The Nissan Altima now offering the most techadvanced engine in its class now any order can be rewarding when you use the app. No matter how you pay, youll be closer to earning rewards and getting more of your favorites for free. More ways to pay, more ways to get rewarded. Starbucks rewards. More ways to get rewarded. Come on lets hide in the attic. No. In the basement. Why cant we just get in the running car . Are you crazy . Lets hide behind the chainsaws. Smart. Yeah. Ok. If youre in a horror movie, you make poor decisions. Its what you do. This was a good idea. Shhhh. Im being quiet. Youre breathing on me if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. Its what you do. Lets go to the cemetery they do one of the most deven in normal times. S, our Frontline Health care workers. And when these heroes lack the resources they need, that risky job gets ten times harder. Prop fifteen makes corporations pay their fair share. To invest in our communities, in our clinics, in the essential workers who treat everyone rich, poor, and inbetween. Whether its this pandemic or the next health crisis, vote yes on prop fifteen. For all of us. All californians will be able to vote safely from home. Every active, registered voter will receive a votebymail ballot with a unique barcode. You can track it using wheres my ballot . And youll receive automatic notifications by text, email or voice call to let you know the status of your ballot once you mail it, drop it off at your polling place or at a drop box. Vote by mail ballots. Simple, safe, secure. Counted. Learn more at vote. Ca. Gov stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back to a late show, and our live broadcast following tonights president ial debate, i guess you could still call it. Lets say hello to our friend mr. Jon batiste. Jon, its good to see you. I dont want to be alone right now. Did you did you put yourself through watching that debate just no . Jon yes, i did. I had to do other things while it was playing because it was a visceral anger that i felt. And it takes a lot for me to feel worked up in that way. Stephen no, youre a very calm and reasonable person. It was it was embarrassing. Jon it was a tough and embarrassing moment for america. I just want to say, racism is a bad thing. Public service announcement. Stephen okay. Where do you find the courage, jon . I think i think i i think theres no greater softball in the world than, do you condemn White Supremacy . And he couldnt do it. Jon its right there. Its a debate. Youre trying to find a way to unite people, and this is the easiest thing. You just knock it out of the park. Stephen see, thats the difference. Hes not looking for a way to unite people. He wants to divide people because hes got no ideas to give to the United States of america. Only the divided states. Well, jon, i know its hard, but could you play something that matches the tone of what we just saw or something that is a counterpoint . Jon yes, a counterpoint, and we have to counterpoint it with the votes. Stephen thats right. Jon lets get out there. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Thank you, jon. Jon thank you, stephen. Stephen joining me tonight is a senator from new jersey and former president ial candidate. Please welcome back to a late show, senator cory booker. Senator, im not entirely sure where to begin our discussion about what happened tonight. Can you can you sum it up . How would you describe what we just sat through . You know, i mean, it was painful. I think that if youre not hurting or worried after what we just watched, maybe you tuned in to the wrong thing. I mean, donald trump came with this obesity of aggression and just like a pugnacious posturing that was just not who we want to represent us. Its not representing the spirit of the heart of this country. And i respect a lot of what joe biden was trying to say and do during that election. He came far more president ial, frankly. But donald trump to see a fox news commentator have to try to constantly wrestle with the president of the United States just so joe biden would have time to speak. It was embarrassing to our country. And yet another example of how Donald Trumps heart is so discordant with i think with what the heart of america is all about and what the spirit of this country is about. It was hard. It was painful, stephen. Stephen i think youre right. I think people out there who saw that and i imagine the first debate is usually the one that gets watched the most i think people were in pain to watch that because, i was just saying to our friend jon batiste, it was absolutely embarrassing for america to see that. Seeing the president of the United States not being able to shut up for just two minutes. I dont want to say shut up. Just be quiet and allow someone to speak for two minutes. It seemed clear because he knew his ideas could not win. He he could only win through well, through domination or aggression. Yeah stephen how do you think biden did . Well, first of all, theres a sense with donald trump its almost like putin doesnt have to go through these things. Why do i even have to be here . And im just going to try to bully and dominate the night. What i liked about joe biden is he kept trying to turn it away from the two men on the stage and back to the American People. At one point, he did this impassionate plea, this is not about us. This is about you. This is about you. And trying to keep it on the people and people that are hurting. I mean, look, we are in a moment in america where addiction is up, Life Expectancy is down, suicides are up, our disparities in wealth are greater than theyve been in generations. We are at a time where our economy is is doubledigit unemployment. I mean, there are so many things people are struggling to. And donald trump tried to keep saying that everything is greater than its ever been. And as he says, hes the best president we ever had. And so, i just appreciate of appreciate that the patience that we saw within joe biden in trying to continue to bring the subject back to the American People and to what was going on, despite donald trump, who just said things that left me gobsmacked, making claims that were wildly wrong, that he creates 700,000 manufacturing jobs when the fact is weve lost 200,000 manufacturing jobs under his watch. Constantly putting out things that are not true. I think the most hurtful moment for me, for joe, a guy that ive gotten to know well is when he talked about the sacrifice of his son, you know, the son, beau, that died, that served honorably in the military, and donald trump didnt even didnt even pause. He just treaded over that hurt and that pain, treaded over the honor of his service to try to score more cheap hits on the Vice President based on lies. And so the whole night was just sad that our commander in chief was just so ugly amidst joe biden trying to do what he did with me. I was on debate stages with him, which is actually to discuss the issues that americans really care about right now. Stephen you know, i saw in what you i saw what you were describing in Vice President bidens face. Isaw i saw the same pain were talking about. But i think i imagine that it comes from a particularly special place for him, not just because of his natural empathy to understand what the American People are going through and what they want from a leader right now, and i think that is that sincere desire in the Vice President to fulfill that need for the American People, to be a a moral example for the nation, as f. D. R. Called the presidency, essentially a moral office. But i pain i saw on his face was knowing what a president can be like and feel this pain for what he sees our president being right now a pain for america. Like, it must be heartbreaking for him to to have the presidency and a relationship with the president not be a theory, to know what that person can be. I dont mean just barack obama. I mean people that joe biden didnt support, but donald trump is an abomination. He is a stain on the office of the presidency and his behavior, and i saw that in Vice President bdens face. Well, two points. One is, you know, joe has this sort of reverence for the offi office. He he sees it with a sense of humility. He actually knows that no individual, woman or man, is big enough to fill what the presidency is, the awesome responsibilities. And thats why he approaches it with humility and a sense of gravity. Donald trump does not at all. He tredz upon the awesomeness of responsibilities. He has a level of arrogance, and even a disdain for the virtues that we need right now. And in one of my most intimate conversations with joe, we were driving i was going to endorse him. We were driving from flint, michigan, to detroit, and it was one of the best id ever felt. I know, i just dropped out of the president ial race and i was going to endorse the guy that beat me. And he seemed to understand that right now, perhaps more than any period in the last 50 years, what the what we need from a president is someone that can heal us, that can remind us that the lines that divide us are nowhere near as strong as the ties that bind us. He he yearns for us to see that in this moment in america, we must put more indivisible back into this one nation under god. And so maybe thats why the moment of this debate that was like a dagger to the heart of the that american aspiration, and that is truly menacing to all that we stand for. You see, i know in my personal Family History what it has meant to see our society collectively reject the k. K. K. I know what it meant in when the klan was marching in virginia, in the same city my mom did a sitin, in, to see this countryresoundingly reject the klan and nazis, which american blood was spilled fighting in europe. And when this president was given the simple opportunity to yet again condemn hateful grou groups, he didnt just fail to condemn it, as you and jon were talking about. There is something even more chilling that are real. He said, stand back and stand by to the proud boys, a rightwing hate organization. Stand back and stand by, that they are no online using those words almost as if theyre a license from the president of the United States to stand ready in an election to engage. There is a dangerous, menacing reality going on right now where the president of the United States is failing to endorse the american 200year tradition of a peaceful transfer of power, a president who has said undeniablably, if i lose, this election was rigged. And now he is calling out to rightwing white supremacist organizations and telling them to stand by. And so, that, to me, was so frightening, so antiamerican spirit, so contrary to the heart and the soul of this country. And to me he has violated his very oath to defend a constitution that speaks in spirit to this understanding that we are a nation that sets a democratic example globally. So i just want people to know to listen to him tonight. As a great poet mia ang lou said, if someone tells you who they are, believe them. It is a frightening thing but we have to turn our fear into fight, our worry into work. Because we do have the power. We as a country are more the power of the people is greater than that man thats in power. Stephen and i want to talk about that power and how people are going to exercise it when we come back right after this. Please stick around, sir. And you at home stick around, too. Ill be right back with more senator cory booker. Please stick around, sir. And you at home stick around, too. Ill be right back with more senator cory booker. Hersheys. The original cookies n creme. What do i know . Im just a kid. Our generations too young to vote. I was one year off. Kind of gets me mad a little bit. The pressure for my generation to address the Climate Crisis is growing. We cant ignore the climate. Its really bad. I would say, to the older generation were living on this planet longer than they will be hopefully . So please please please please vote for me. Im daylan. Im gideon. Im amelia and i approve this message. Tonight, try pure zzzs all night. Im amelia and i approve this message. Unlike other sleep aids, our extended release melatonin helps you sleep longer. And longer. Zzzquil pure zzzs all night. Fall asleep. Stay asleep. Imagine the places well go. Together. Expedia contactless delivery trright to your car,et. Designed for your day. Your moves. Your style. Your taste. So quick and easy. Just download the target app today. Proposition 16 takes on discrimination. Some women make as little as 42 of what a man makes. Voting yes on prop 16 helps us fix that. Its supported by leaders like Kamala Harris and opposed by those who have always opposed equality. We either fall from grace or we rise. Together. Proposition 16 provides equal opportunities, levelling the Playing Field for all of us. Vote yes on prop 16. Stephen hey, everybody. We are back with senator cory booker. Senator, lets talk about something maybe a little bit hopeful in all of this. One of the moments i thought was best for Vice President biden tonight is when he looked in the camera, and basically said, dont listen to the hopeless messages you get from this man. You get to vote. Your vote will be counted. You decide whether you get another four years of chaos and lies from this man. Not him. Yes. Stephen isnt that isnt that what we have to take from this . You know, we do. I mean, thats the exciting thing about this Great American experiment is we really broke with the course of human events and created this profound nation where the people get a say. And this is one of those elections where we all have to realize the only thing necessary for evil to be triumphant is for good people to do nothing. And so youve got to ask yourself, what are you going to do right now . You know, king said it it. Kings harshest word, read the letters from the birmingham jail, were not to the White Supremacists, the k. K. P. He said im writing to the moderates not doing nothing. Its not the vitriolic words of bad people. Its the silence and inaction of good people. This is moment. If you havent decided youre going to vote, if you havent made a plan, as Michelle Obama said, to wait in long lines, pack two lunches, this is the moment you get to determine the disins of this nation, no donald trump, no matter what he says, no matter how much he tries to jangle threats, and menaces. This is our decision to make collectively as a country. Its not a referendum on him. Its a referendum on us, on who we are and what were going to do. Stephen and if you dont know how to vote, go to betterknowaballot. Com. We have how to vote by mail, how to vote early, and on the day of for every state. Go check it out. Lets talk about a subject that came up tonight, a couple of times actually, and it was about the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett to replace the seat of ruth Bader Ginsburg. Youre on the judiciary committee. How do you imagine the next couple of weeks are going to go . Do you know at this point when the hearings start . Forgive me for not knowing that. Midoctober. Lindy graham, who said explicitly, months ago, that if a advocacy vacancy comes out, we will not try to fill it, use my word against me. He is breaking his word. Stephen im from south carolina, and there is one thing they care about down there and tht is honor. And tha that is a dishonorable g to have done. I am stunned. The video is very clear. Stephen thats very sweet that youre stunned by Lindsey Graham lying. Thats very nice of you. I call it naivete. But i to me, i still have to be a prisoner of hope when it comes to people who look you in the eye and say what theyre going to do. For this to be such a sudden flip is just disappointing. When people have already started to vote in america. And when this Supreme Court justice, theyre rushing them on the court to get there before the oral arguments on the Affordable Care act. Donald trump says im going to tear down the Affordable Care act, and all the protections for people with preexisting conditions, all the protections for people that might have exceeded lifetime caps. Remember those before the Affordable Care act, so we can tear down your health care. Stephen but all so he can have nine justices on there, and he wants people hes appointed in case he can drive this election all the way to the courts. Thats another chilling moment. Yeah, he wants it toik it out of the hands of people and ballots that may have been mailed in before the election day but may arrth give ito t supreme t let his picks decide his fate. And that makes me call into question what kind of conversations. He already requested comey, we know he went to somebody and said, hey, are you going to be loyal . He had loyalty tests for other members that hes been able to appoint. The question is, is whats going on with this Supreme Court nomination . And thats why i believe she should recuse herself. She should say right now to the American People im not going to political size and delegitimize the highest court in the land. If theyre not going to wait until after the next election, let the next president decide, at least im going to try to give some level of integrity to the courts and say i will recuse myself from any matters revolving around this election. Stephen so far, we know that schumer, hirono, and blumenthal plan on boycotting meetings with Amy Coney Barrett. Are you planning on meeting with her . Im going to have a hearing with her before the hearings start. I want to have a direct conversation with her, for the sake of the ruk, and the integrity of the court, she should recuse herself. Ruth Bader Ginsburg didnt know the outcome of this election are but her last Public Statement was she request they wait. And she said that not because she had insight into who would win, but she believed the legitimacy of the court in the eyes of america has to be sustained. And for this to be violated, im really hoping this nominee understands her place in history and will recuse herself. Stephen senator, thanks for being here. Good luck with those hearings. I hope they are i hope they are less embarrassing in the end than tonights debate was. And well see you soon. Senator cory booker, everybody. Well be right back right back with meanwhile. Stick around. Thank you. Stephen thank you, sir. Ker, everybody. Well be right back right back with meanwhile. Stick around. Thank you. Stephen thank you, sir. Now any order can be rewarding when you use the app. No matter how you pay, youll be closer to earning rewards and getting more of your favorites for free. More ways to pay, more ways to get rewarded. Starbucks rewards. To end the anger, the insults, the division. And start fresh in america. I dont pledge allegiance to red states of america or blue states of america. Ca. I pledge allegiance to the United States of america. Im gonna fight as hard for those who supported me as those who did not support me. We have a chance to put anger and division that has overtaken this country behind us. And we can. Weve done it so many times in our history. We begun anew. We can get control of this virus. We can reward work. We can make healthcare affordable. We can be a safe and just nation. We can deal with the existential threat of climate change. We can be what we are at our best. One nation, one people, one america. Im joe biden and i approve this message. Is now even more powerful. The stronger, lastslonger energizer max. The stronger, lastslonger new school year, whatever that means from the sporty chic to the stem star go show off your fit, lets raise the bar whatever this year looks like, get fresh looks at old navy and oldnavy. Com. The unfair money bail system. He, accused of rape. While he, accused of stealing 5. The stanford rapist could afford bail; got out the same day. The Senior Citizen could not; forced to wait in jail nearly a year. Voting yes on prop 25 ends this failed system, replacing it with one based on public safety. Because the size of your wallet shouldnt determine whether or not youre in jail. Vote yes on prop 25 to end money bail. Stephen welcome back. You know, i spend a lot of time curing the finest meaty stories, pairing them with the most savory aged cheeses and cornichons, and carefully laying them out on a carrera marble slab to offer you the delectable charcuterie of stories that is my monologue. But once in a while, i dump the bottom of three bags of stale chips, slather the crumbs with pumpable cheddar, throw it all into an old batting helmet to cree cho bucket news that is my segment quarantinewhile. Quarantinewhile, because of the pandemic and zoom learning, snow days are probably over. No no this is terrible news first of all, its the greatest thing you can do is tell your kid theres a snow day. Its the greatest feeling. Youre the greatest parent of all time, and more importantly, if kids dont get any days off school, who is going to watch the price is right . Drew carey is like tinkerbell he Needs Children to believe in him to stay alive look how much weight hes the authorities are clearly not considering that if we do this, our kids will fall even further behind other countries in testing metrics like snowfort stability, snowball accuracy, and losing your snow boots on the first damn day how does that even happen, cara they were on your feet do you not feel that . the boot comes off . Quarantinewhile, home Safety Company rings latest Security Camera is a drone that flies around inside your house. Its a great way for you to leave your house with peace of mind while youre destroying the last shreds of your cats sanity. Evidently, the device is an autonomous drone that can give you a perspective of any room you want when youre not home and is called the always home cam. Not the best timing to debut the always home cam during a pandemic when parents have access to the cheap version cam, who is always home. Quarantinewhile, kraft is rolling out Pumpkin Spice macaroni and cheese which is classic cheese powder, plus an assortment of autumnthemed flavors, like cinnamon and nutmeg. And just a hint of seasonal depression. But the Pumpkin Spice mac is not for sale. Oh, no. And its gonna be tough to get as u. S. Residents must tweet by september 29 for the chance to win the limitededition product. Wait thats today come on, kraft you cant do this to us. Specifically, you cant do this to my writer, kate sidley. Shes really pregnant and really wants to try this fall monstrosity. So send her some not only will she tweet about it, but shell even name her baby after it. I did not run that last thing by her, but im sure its fine. So do the right thing, kraft. If not for kate, do it for her future child Pumpkin Spice mac and cheese sidley leonardo. Again, im sure she that. Quarantinewhile, Sir David Attenborough has set the world record for the shortest time to reach one million instagram followers. Sir dave is on instagram. Well, get ready for a tidal wave of thirst traps. And now that attenborough has ventured in the wilds of social media, i am looking forward to his future documentaries here we see the common instagrammus microinfluencia. Propelled by an insatiable urge for attention, she risks her life to get more likes than her his future documentaries here we see the common best friends stupid new baby and shes off forced to find New Territory to stunt for the gram stephen well be right back with a perrman by public enemy. Stephen well be right back with a performance by public enemy. The journey has no port. The adventure never ends, because we are always on the way. An herbal stress reliever ashwagandha, that helps you turn the stressed life. Into your best life. Stress less and live more. With stressballs. Okay, so, magnificent mile for me i thought i was managing my moderate to severe Crohns Disease. Until i realized. Something was missing. Me. You okay, sis . My symptoms kept me from being there for my sisters. So i talked to my doctor and learned humira is for people who still have symptoms of Crohns Disease after trying other medications. The majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief in as little as 4 weeks. And many achieved remission that can last. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections. Serious and sometimes fatal infections, including tuberculosis, and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Be there for you. And them. Ask your doctor about humira. With humira, remission is possible. If you cant afford your medicine, abbvie may be able to help. You already are the oldest president in history. President kennedy, who had to go for days on end with very little sleep during the cuban missile crisis. Is there any doubt in your mind that you would be able to function in some circumstances. I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit for political purposes my opponents youth and inexperience. laughter classic great line. But f. Y. I. , i can do a lot of damage so maybe think twice before electing someone who is so old he thinks hes a cowboy because he rode a horse in a tv show. But, hey, just a thought. Im just a nuclear weapon. But dont ask me. T a nuclear weapon. But dont ask me. Wild thing, you make my heart sing you know what i think . I think you owe us 48. 50. Wild thing. If you ride, you get it. Geico motorcycle. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. If you ride, you get it. Geico motorcycle. Hersheys. The original cookies n creme. Vicks vapopatch. Easy to wear with soothing vicks vapors for her, for you, for the whole family. Trusted soothing vapors, from vicks are just the right amount of spicy. A smalltomedium sprite kind of spicy. A. Lets get a mcflurry after this kind of spicy. But if you get the mighty hot sauce. Its a. Napkins are for foreheads now kind of spicy. A. This came from mcdonalds . Kind of spicy. Because our spicy chicken mcnuggets breaded in tempura, made with cayenne are just the right amount of spicy. Unless. You remember what i said about the sauce. Ba da ba ba ba you can go your own way what go your own way auce. Your wireless. Your rules. Only Xfinity Mobile lets you choose shared data, unlimited or a mix of each. And switch anytime so you only pay for the data you need. Switch and save up to 400 a year on your wireless bill. With the carrier rated 1 in customer satisfaction. Call, click, or visit your local xfinity store today. Stephen welcome back. Their new album, what you gonna do when the grid goes down . , came out friday. Performing grid featuring breal of cypress hill and george clinton, ladies and gentlemen, public enemy what yall gonna do . Uncle jams armys in public enemy, cypress hill what yall gonna do . No more grid we all addicted men women and kids no internet no text and no tweets well look like the 80s with fiends in the streets aww snap no apps just maybe perhaps no grid is what we need for new human contact not even your own server can save you we all caught up in the web is so true no g. P. S. What will you do no emails or whatsapps coming thru now your phone is just a phone with a camera no algorithms, huh to manage us all your post on i. G. Lost in the cloud with your information listen real close to what im saying folks might have to pick up a book, pick up a pen hey, back to basics again Digital Mental Health clinics worse than a pandemic more Police Brutality but no posts on who filmed it the grid is gone universal mind blown, cmon what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down the grid goes down the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down what yall gonna do be real about it communication breakdown its a take down are you awake now or consumed by a fake clown World Wide Web keep the spiders fed looking at my feed trolls everywhere but knowledge supersedes at your fingertips clicking all the keys to the locks pandoras box, open up now youre on the clock its the calm before the storm if the grid goes down you better be ready emotional effects may be deadly masses to run steady the depression hits like your life shorter like a tyson blow isolation on another level whos responsible i dont know i gotta theory if you hear me but you wanna fear me dumb us down then divide us up i see it clearly pit one against the other even though were brothers make us hate each other while they keep their asses covered what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down the grid goes down the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down what you gonna do when the grid goes down socially engineered anarchy induced chaos thats how they go play us one against the other him against his brother one another ahhh but Uncle Jams Army is here what you gonna do whatever it takes what you gonna do whatever the party call for socially engineered mike brown anarchy induced chaos thats how they go play us george floyd what you go when the grid goes down no sound around where is justice for my prime where they at . Where they at . Stephen colbert. applause stephen thank you, public enemy. Well be right back. Bert. applause stephen thank you, public enemy. Stephen thats it for a late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be john lithgow and author jonathan alter. James corden is next, but first, lets say good night with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh the late late show, oh, oh the late late show oh, oh its the late late show