of love and i realised this is withdrawal. nikki has been prescribed powerful painkillers including the highly addictive drug fentanyl, because of a rare and excruciatingly painful nerve condition which started 20 years ago. it is as if somebody stuck a cattle prod to the side of my face. it's extraordinary, overwhelming pain. i literally hit the floor and it basically destroyed my life. opioid painkillers, including codeine, fentanyl and morphine, are a huge benefit to some people but they are generally only recommended for short—term pain. niki has learnt pain management techniques which means she can now cope without taking fentanyl but she has been left with a dangerous dependency that leads to withdrawal when she reduces her dose. this is the patch that i am on, the fentanyl patch. the patch is actually these orange—y bits? yes, and you can see this one is a whole one and i've cut