Page 7 - Borowitz Report News Today

The teacher claimed that she thought it was “O.K.” to show the incendiary film because the character in question was a deer.

“Your honor, I stand before you, a fictitious character,” the New York congressman proclaimed.

In Washington, the ominous possibility that lies have consequences has sent a chill down the corridors of power.

“We’re looking at a pivotal Game Five against the Golden State Warriors,” Santos, who claimed to play small forward for the Los Angeles Lakers, said.

“I realized I’d better jump on this while there are still some left on the market,” Mike Lindell said.

Thomas is believed to be the first spouse of a Supreme Court Justice also to be a major corporation.

A spokesman would not confirm or deny reports that Harlan Crow had also offered to send Justice Samuel Alito to law school.

Although preparations are in the primordial stage, the two right-wing icons said that the realm would exist outside the normal bounds of time and space.

In a heartfelt statement, the former television personality said that using the truth was “a problem I never thought I’d have.”

Fox chairman Rupert Murdoch said that the former host had been “rendered obsolete by swift advances in lying technology.”