Page 5 - Borowitz Report News Today

“This offer is doing even better than the Trump N.F.T.s,” a campaign spokesman said.

Explaining the decision to reporters, he said, “Elon Musk is an O.K. name, but WTF fits me better.”

Governor Ron DeSantis said that forced labor would have been “a game-changer.”

French fries “may have played a role” in the incident, a Metropolitan Police Department spokesman said.

Major sailing news, commentary, opinions, features and dock talk . . . with a North American focus.

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical

The former President appears to demonstrate reading comprehension at a rudimentary level, decoding letters as they combine to form words and sentences.

The former TV anchorwoman warned Russian state media against questioning her claim to the Wagner helm.

The billionaire revealed that the jurist was “much easier to catch” than he had anticipated.

“He is not believed to be carrying a weapon, but he could be carrying documents indicating the location of weapons,” a police spokesman said.