Page 7 - Greg Yeah News Today

Means. maybe shes in a vase in the living room. all right. you brighten my day. you also make the voices stop, the voices that tell me to kill. these are terrible and very suggestive. happy valentines day. i got you flowers. like us, they will die soon. maybe thats one i should edit out. anyway, this is my favorite. roses are red, violates are blue -- violets are blue, you are not ignore me. [laughter] [applause] i have more but, you know what? [applause] ill just stop there, okay? ill stop ther...

Magic mushrooms, please. [laughter] >> dms are open, by the way, first ones free. greg: up next, say good to traveling to mars or buying a new cell phone, the times wants to abolish billionaires. [cheers and applause]

I believe. >> yes. im pro-billionaires. greg: yes. >> people who want to ban billionaires want to do so for the exact same reason that i want to ban women who can grow long, thick, beautiful hair. >> oh, come on! >> out of their own head. [laughter] >> what would you do when they cut it? >> what do you mean? >> is it their hair and your hair now? >> because of capitalism. [laughter] because of capitalism we live in a country where we can have billionaires, and we can also buy and sell hair -- gr...

[laughter] capitalism is a wonderful system, and i can only think of one problem with it. greg: what? >> no matter how much money you make, you can never buy aer the contacting. [laughter] >> because theyre extinct, kids. greg: are the speech police coming after your valentines day card? maybe or maybe not, i havent decided. decided. [che if your moderate to severe ulcerative colitis decided. [che or crohns symptoms are holding you back,

[laughter] greg: i hope thats not my brush. one more. ♪ ♪ greg: thats dr. steve. very thorough for an otter. [laughter] so trump offered something for everyone. he went after russia, or china, he announced another meeting with north korea. so did the media like it? surprise, no. [laughter] >> everything else he said in this speech will be overshadowed by the fact he said there cannot be investigations. >> that the president of the united states at this moment in the world did not mention cli...

Pays attention, which they will. heres your week if youre a democrat. late-term abortion, black face, sexual assault accusations, then more black face, then more assault allegations. could this get worse? if virginias democratic party takes credit for danas queso, then yes. [laughter] but you know what? they wouldnt even do that. [cheers and applause] greg: lets welcome tonights guests! [cheers and applause] a hummingbird -- [cheers and applause] all right, all right. apparently, they didnt try ...

Their own families because we a all know thats what women around the world actually need. and so its a strange juxtaposition, right? they would never have done this to chelsea clinton. but they will do it to her. greg: its a great point. the performance artist has not done a tenth of 1% of what shes trying to do for women. shes doing more for women than the performance artist would ever do for women. plus, performance art is such a scam. anybody can to this. ing you could actually walk up and th...

Are the crumbs coming from, and isnt that wasting food? greg: that is true. >> yeah. this is a social justice nightmare. [laughter] greg: i think its coming from the beards of the left-wing men. >> oh, the hipsters. greg: tyrus,, that wasnt directed at you. >> i know, i aint no left-wing man. greg: does this bother you? >> a rich white woman vacuuming? not really. [laughter] i try to -- like, when i read this story, i was like because weve got kids in the audience tonight, were just going to pla...

[laughter] the reason why this is such a broad thing is because you dont know what is safe anymore. greg: exactly. >> so i kind of applaud the school, its kind of a warning. because if you send the wrong card to the wrong perp on the wrong day, it could ruin your life. valentines day is the scariest day if youre a dude without a date, and if you gave the wrong woman a card, thats your ass. [laughter] greg: you know, i hate present day valentines day as an adult when you go to the restaurant and ...

>> kind of a sheet so you can scoop up the crumbs. greg: exactly. rob, what did you make of the week? take your pick of any issue. >> the state of the union, i thought -- the heartbreaking thing about it was it was really good. so you think about trump, you can do this if you want to. you can give a speech thats sentimental -- >> patriotic. >> patriotic. you can actually be the chill, together, emotionally stable person -- [laughter] so lets just do more of that, right? the brilliant thing is yo...