Page 4 - Humor Bits News Today

This article from Defector outlines how tax dollars -- a LOT of tax dollars -- are subsidizing horse racing. The horse racing industry is totally beholden to states propping it up with massive infusions of money. Why? Why is money that could go to other things being sent to a dying industry? You know that younger folks arent at all interested in horse racing, that its not that popular anymore, that it wont grow, that it can be downright cruel or even fatal for the horses. Why ar...

The pandemic triggered a major uptick in insurance claims related to hot tubs in the U.K., and by "major uptick" I mean they tripled. Apparently, everyone in the U.K. got a hot tub to while away the hours in isolation. Or maybe it was Brexit. Anyway, you had accidental damage like submerged cell phones, engagement rings ripping into tub linings, stuff like that. See, I always thought of hot tubs as bacteria breeding grounds, which would not make them ideal for a pandemic, but wh...

It looks like a $166 traffic ticket written against a Florida driver whose crash was caused by her trying to avoid a sofa that landed in the lane in front of her will be dismissed, meaning that the cops came to their senses, though the officer who wrote her up insists that he was right. He says that if you leave proper distance between you and the car in front of you, youll have plenty of time to stop. Thats not how freeway driving works, and if a piece of furniture flies off a flatbed, you ...

Perry Michael Simon is Vice President and Editor/News-Talk-Sports/Podcast for AllAccess.com and the former Program Director and Operations Manager at stations like KLSX and KLYY (Y107)/Los Angeles and WKXW (New Jersey 101.5)/Trenton. Hes been on-air and written stuff for TV and websites and other stuff he doesnt remember all that well. He can also be found at Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and pmsimon.com, if youre so inclined. In addition, hes the former Editor-in-Chief at Nerdist.com and Di...

Tip: When the cops show up because you nearly drove your car into a gas pump, and they ask you for ID, pull out your license and not, as this Florida Man did, show them your "Dank Gummies" and "Medicated Nerds Rope." He claimed they were for his cancer-patient girlfriend, who has a medical marijuana card, but that didnt explain the cocaine they found on him. So, yeah, just the license. (WBBH-TV/Fort Myers)

Wait, cities paying you to move there and work remotely is still a thing this deep into the pandemic? Says here that it is, with cities like Baltimore, Topeka, and Tulsa paying up to $15,000 to bribe you to move there. Gotta say, thats not a bad idea. Nothing at all bad about moving to those cities, the cash can come in handy, and housing prices are gonna be a lot less than in, say, here in L.A. Also, bringing in employed people with decent income is a win for the cities well beyond whatever ...

One of the motives, it seems, for the recent shootings at a medical clinic in Minnesota was that the shooter was angry that his doctors stopped prescribing painkillers, and theres a topic in that doctors are now among the professions being bullied and threatened for doing their jobs. People demanding opioids are causing a marked increase in violent threats. Some ascribe Republican legislators excusing Trumps behavior to the fear that they or their families could face direct threats to their ...

Florida beach towns are bracing for Spring break, for obvious reasons. Well, maybe its not obvious, because the state doesnt seem to be taking the pandemic seriously. But Miami Beach, for one example, is putting rules and enforcement plans into effect, and warning that they wont "tolerate anarchy." Would you let your kid go party at the beach with the pandemic still in effect? (Miami Herald)

One thing you have to hope gets addressed by the new administration is how American health care remains so expensive and out of reach for so many people that medical tourism -- going to Mexico or Costa Rica for medical treatment at a fraction of the cost -- is still expected to rebound hugely as pandemic travel restrictions ease. And despite those restrictions, people are still crossing the U.S.-Mexico border to get cheaper medical care in places like Tijuana, Mexicali, and, of course (for ...

Okay, lets take this ranking of states where people are moving, based on one-way U-Haul statistics, with a grain of salt. Honestly, its not totally shocking to see Tennessee, Texas, or Florida on the list -- jobs, weather, taxes -- but Ohio? Californias at the bottom, also not surprising, but heres the thing. When you read these stories, they make it seem like theres a massive exodus out of places like California because things are so bad. But I live in California and, honestly, you ...