afghanistan, i asked to go to the toilet more than i had to, because there's something, some rehumanizing in an act as personal as that. they have to take you. they have to untie your hands and i felt that did break it down just a little bit, that hostility. >> how do you deal with the fear? how do you not become overcome with fear? >> there's just no point. if you panic, you die. >> i think it helped we were together. there were moments when i was -- i couldn't stop crying and i felt so weak and i tried to sort of muffle it and i was trying not to cry. you know, inevitably one of them was sitting next to me and would say, there are people who love you, we're going to get out of this. so it's very helpful to have colleagues with you. we were so lucky that we were together. >> early on, you didn't know if anyone knew where you were, but it's got to help to know i work for an organization that has resources that will be looking