on it. i think when you get desperate for that alternative you're able to rationalize a lot of things. >> we're not grilling you. it's interesting. we want to have a conversation with you. there are a lot of people anxious to understand your thinking and why you did what you did. my last question to you before i have ask you about the birther thing when i said about being complicity, i think people think if you don't prioritize racism then you're being complicit. do you understand that? you said you could overlook it. it wasn't a priority for you. for many of americans, african americans, people of color -- >> i think -- >> -- it's a priority. it's about their very existence. go on.