But guess what . Hundreds of parents did it anyway. They went ahead and shot it. And posted it. And, you know what . Its funny again, so we have a lot to cover tonight. And were going to put the full video on the Jimmy Kimmel Live youtube channel. But here is a taste of what the sneaky moms and dads were up to this year. I ate all of it. Yeah. And my nerds . Yeah. And my yeah. And my yeah. And my gum . Yeah. And the suckers . Yeah. The suckers . Yeah. I need more suckers, okay. Yes, yes, we will get you more suckers. She is very good with the candy brands. Very cute. For the rest of it, go to our youtube channel. Hopefully it will be a nice diversion, because 24 hours from now, our Long National nightmare will be contested for weeks. The best way to describe how im feeling right now is somewhere between Christmas Eve and the night before a liver transplant. Up in canada, theyre very busy sandbagging the border. For everyone who says theyre gonna move there . No, you are not it really is unbelievable. The fact that people are boarding up their businesses for an election should alarm us. If anyone needed any more proof that he did not make America Great again, theres plywood in the windows at the Wetzels Pretzels across the street. What else do you need to know . Youd think we were preparing for a zombie attack. Nobody knows whats gonna happen. Its all very stressful, so id like to make a suggestion to get you through Election Night. I have something i think can help. Its called tequila. Tequila is an alcoholic liquid that tastes great and hits hard, and trust me, either way this goes tomorrow night . Youre going to be glad you had some on hand guillermo, youre the expert here. Tell the people more about this wonderful product. Thank you, jimmy. Tequila is my favorite drink. Its made from agave and magic. For years, it has helped me get through tough times at home and at work. Jimmy now, guillermo, if i drink this on Election Night, will i remember anything that happened . No. And if you drink enough, you might not even remember the last four years jimmy ill drink to that four years ago tonight, Hillary Clinton was ordering furniture for the oval office off of westelm. She had to send it all back. The past four years have taken a toll on all of us all of us, i should say, except for one person. Donald trump. Donald trump is the only president who didnt age in office at all. Its true. Look at this. Here he is four years ago, november 4th, 2016. And this photo was taken this morning. Its almost supernatural. Each candidate is shoring up his Election Night plan. Joe biden will be in his home state of delaware. Trump will be at the white house screaming into his my pillow. Right now, theyre erecting a massive protective fence around the white house in the event that things get crazy. It took four years, but trump finally built his wall its getting very crazy out there. The fbi is investigating an incident that happened over the weekend in austin. Team biden had to cancel an event there because their campaign bus was surrounded by a group of Trump Supporters in trucks who surrounded the bus and tried to run it off the road. Even though the words, no malarkey, were clearly printed on the bus. Still, they insisted on engaging in malarkey. And youd think that that would be too much even for donald trump. Turns out its not. In fact, he encouraged them to do more. He tweeted, in my opinion, these patriots did nothing wrong. Instead, the fbi justice should be investigating the terrorists, anarchists, and agitators of antifa, who run around burning down our democrat run cities and hurting our people that, to me, seems like a glimpse of what we can expect from him in the coming weeks. He cares nothing about this country. If he loses, he wants a civil war. He doesnt even care about his own supporters. Theyre estimating now that trumps rallies have been the catalyst for at least 30,000 covid cases and 700 deaths. Forget preexisting conditions. Hes not even trying to protect people from the existing ones. And on top of that, hes also hinting he may get rid of dr. Fauci. Heres what happens. You wont hear too much about it. Dont tell anybody, but let me wait until after the election. Firing dr. Fauci, thats a smart move. Hes the only good person in the whole administration. But go ahead and fire him, because a group of people who sell nightcrawlers out of their vans started a chant. The president is making his final blitzkrieg ahead of election day. Today, he had five rallies in four states. Over the weekend, he was in green bay where he was uncharacteristically humble for a change. Im looking up to the sky, and a friend of mine said, you are the most famous man in the world. I said, no im not,no im not. He said, no, who is more famous than you, you are the most famous man in the world. Who is more famous . I said jesus christ. Isnt that beautiful. Jesus came back. Lets hope you never do. Trump is closing out his campaign by complaining and whining like a drippy orange bitch. On saturday in pennsylvania, he warned supporters of the very real, and very dangerous possibility that every vote might count. You are going to have a period of nine, seven days, many bad things. Oh, we just found 10,000 ballots. Thats good. We just found another 10,000. This is a horrible thing that the United StatesSupreme Court has done to our country. And i say it and i say it loud and i say it proud. Maybe start saying things softly and with shame. If he wins, it was legitimate. If he loses, it was rigged. You wouldnt accept this from the umpire at your kids tball game. Why would you want this for president . Boss baby was in avoca, pennsylvania today, where he took aim at his real opponents in this race, not joe biden. Jon bon jovi and lady gaga. I could tell you plenty of stories. I could tell you stories about lady kba gargaga, and jon bon j every time he see him, he kisses my ass, oh, mr. President. And thats a shame. Thats a shame because living on a prayer would be a great song for his campaign right now. Trump had a lot to say about pop stars, because thats what people are worried about right now. He even had words for the music industrys most popular couple. They got beyonce, and jayz, and he started to use the fword in front of the crowd. And he was using the fword, fword, fword. Hold on, did he say beyonsi . He did. Someone get beyonsi her bat. And then hell tell you joe biden is losing it. Most of todays most popular stars are not protrump. But he does have some star power in his corner. Veronica has been released from her closet. None other than Kirstie Alley was on with Tucker Carlson last night. And pay special attention to tuckers face as he runs the gamut of emotions from excited to concerned. So the other dade, i say, i going to watch cnn instead of fox. I was horrified to walk out of the house. It does not do any good. We all know, we are not deaf. We can hear and we can see. Just because we are voting republican, doesnt mean we cannot hear or see, so we know theres this death count. But, its like they want us to you know, in the town square and bring out the dead, bring on out the dead making your way in the world today takes everything youve got. I dont think she has anything left. Are there any celebrity Trump Supporters who wouldnt be most comfortable on a vh1 reality show . It really is. What is that . Oh. Should i answer this . Okay. Hello . Hey, jimmy jimmy amy schumer how you doing, amy . Hows it going . Am i interrupting your show . Jimmy well, yes, i was just doing my great tomorrow is the most important election of our lives, and i just thought everybody probably needed one more celebrity to remind them to vote before midnight. Jimmy youre right. I will be sure to remind people to vote. Jimmy, im the celebrity. Jimmy yes. Right. Of course. Go ahead. Okay. Thank you, thank you so much. This is important. We might have to wait a couple of days for election results. We would like to know in, but you know the president will act all cray, and its a possibility that we will have to wait to count all the millions ballots. Make sure they are counted. These ballots come from overseas from the military. Our grand parents andthe front line workers. Dimension the military . Yes, you did. Their votes matter. Dont you think . Jimmy absolutely. It would be unamerican not to. Okay, well good. Everyone needs to tell everyone they have ever let and the people you have never met, that you pass in a grocery store, you have to tell them to vote. Its courageous and and we will fight for the safety and equality of our friends and neighbors. Leslie odom jr. Made a video called wait for it and you should check that out too on represent. Us. Jimmy we will, amy. Thank you for calling. And reminding us of what we need to do. Its my pleasure and im hoping that everyone is just staying calm, because we will know, you know, in a few days if we still live in a democracy. Or not. Yeah. But im calm. Are you calm . Jimmy are you sure youre calm . Oh, my god. Im so calm. Jimmy okay, well thank you for your activism, amy. Lets all vote and wait. And check out the video amy made with Leslie Odom Jr on represent. Us. Im so calm so calm. Jimmy amy schumer. I hope you are not feeding the baby, later. I have a baby . Shes nervous. Im nervous. We are all nervous. Everyone in the country is on edge right now, so i thought it would be nice to take a minute and lead the entire nation through a guided meditation. Wherever you are, dim the lights. Get comfortable. You too, guillermo. Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Now imagine yourself on an empty beach. The waves crashing before you. Feel the wind blowing your hair, the warm sand between your toes, and the salt air on your lips. You hear the sound of a seagull flying above. Oh, and whos that . In the distance, theres a figure walking down the beach. Its a woman and, oh jeez, shes not wearing a mask. Its okay, its okay. Were outside. Lets just focus on how her infectious droplets will be swept away by the cool ocean breeze. Breathe in, breathe out. Okay, oh no, shes walking right up to you now. And shes sweaty. Oh god, shes coughing. Okay miss . Thats enough. Namaste namaste namastay the [ bleep ] away from me do you feel calmer, guillermo . Weve got a good show for you tonight. Freddie highmore is with us. We have music from giveon and well be right back live and inperson with john lithgow. In a whole new way. Now roomba vacuums exactly where you need it, and offers personalized cleaning suggestions for a clean unique to you and your home. Roomba and the irobot home app. Only from irobot. Wanted to introduce you guys. [sliced apple] we already met. [lemon] oh yeah. [whispers] it was delicious. [captain] so you guys are like a thing . [lemon] yeah. [sliced apple] no. [lemon] i mean no. [sliced apple] no. [lemon] are we fighting . [lemon] oh my god this is our first fight. Wowww i was drowning in credit card debt. Sofi helped me pay off twentythree thousand dollars of credit card debt. They helped me consolidate all of that into one low monthly payment. They make you feel like its an honor for them to help you out. I went from sleepless nights to getting my money right. So thank you. So thank you. Time to make your disappointing breakfast your exfast. Cause wendys has your new breakfast love with a freshcracked egg on every sandwich and crispy oven baked bacon. Youll be telling everybody about the new breakfast youre seeing at wendys. Hurry in for the breakfast of your dreams today. Woman after covid, my hours got so we cant pay our bills. And now our Family Budget is gonna be hit hard with prop 15. The yes on 15 ads say it only raises taxes on big corporations. Thats not true were all going to pay. 11 billion in new property taxes will get passed on to Small Businesses and farms. Theyll raise prices. Higher gas, health care, food. Even day care. We cant make ends meet now. Families cant afford 15. No on prop 15. Jimmy welcome back. Tonight, from the good doctor which airs monday nights right here on abc, Freddie Highmore is with us. Later, hes apple musics up next artist. His ep is called, when its all said and done. Music from giveon. Tomorrow night, we will be preempted by abc news. I guess they have something going on. But we will be back with new shows the rest of the week with guests including david duchovny, charlie hunnam, the bachelorette will be with us, well have music from gregory porter, jon pardi, and why dont we. And on wednesday, the day after the election, well be joined in studio by, maybe our next president of the United States, kanye west. Our first guest is an oscarnominated, sixtime emmy and twotime golden globe winning actor, last month he released his second New York Times bestselling volume of politically pointed poetry and drawings called Trumpty Dumpty wanted a crown verses for a despotic age. Please welcome john lithgow. More with john lithgow after this. Im so happy to see you in person. Its so great. The audience is our staff, by the way. Fyi. I know, i know, doesnt matter. Matter of fact, that makes them a quality audience. It does, doesnt it. Because they know if they are not, they are fired. Thats exactly. Do you ever find that performing in front of your coworkers is, they generally have more enthusiasm . Well, its a sort of fake enthusiasm. Like fake news. Actually, reminds me even watching the show at home, i recognize the sound of this particular laughter. You know what im talking about. When we did third rock from the sun, we had the runthroughs two days before our show. And our little audience standing besides the cameras were half nbc suits and half the writer who is had written our material and the writers would laugh so hard at their own material to persuade the suits to keep it in. And i recognize that sound. I watch the show at hope. Thats the sound right there. We got no suits. But we have write ers. Where you did shoot third rock from the sun . At the lot in new york city. Here in new york city. What was going on . It was a golden age. We had seinfeld, friends. Will and grace. It was a big carsy werner era. You were all there, did you see people in lunchtime . It was collegiate, it was like we were in different houses or something. Who did you hang out with, assuming you did . Mainly our gang. We had the new york street, the new york back lot street. Right. Right next to our studio 15. And of course, seinfeld, would do all of their kramer with his melting ice cream cones and we saw a lot of that gang and hung out with jerry sign field. Thats the kind of thing when you are watching tv and maybe when you are a kid you imagine that all the guys are together and hanging out and you really were. It was a kid in a candy store time. I would think so and our little group was an amazing cohort, the cast of third rock that have stayed terrific friends. I just did an interview on zoom earlier today. I think that kid is a genius. I really do. Did you sense that about him h when he was a young boy . He worked with us between the ages of 13 and 19. He played an old man trapped in a boys body and that was joe. As a kid, he was a grown up. And now that he is a grown up, he is still a kid. He is just the most adorable man. He is. I like him a lot. And i think, i dont think that people realize how much stuff he is up to. He is up to a lot hit record is an incredible phenomenon. I did not know this about you, the poetry is unbelievably clever. I did not know you were such a good artist, i mean, your art work, here is a little self portrait going ining on througe book. Where did you get the talent . When i was a kid, i wanted to be an artartist, i grew up in a theater family. This is not what i wanted to be. I wanted to be an artist. And i went off to college and fell in to the theater gang of course. Because i had been in like 20 shakespeare plays before i was 20 years old. I was an experienced actor by osmosis. Wow. I became a campus star and heard a little too much laughter and applause, and that was the end of that. I learn hd thed that you stan radio. I wanted to be an artist when i was a kid can. That is all i assumed i would do. And i was seduced by radio. I did. You worked in the classic Radio Station . Wbai, still very much with us. The sort of lefty pacifica station. And i worked for bai in the early 70s when it was really a great, gonzo, kind of gorilla we have a photo of you as a young man. Interesting, you had a beautiful head of hair in radio. Thats right. And people could not see me. The way god works. Would you read one of your, just to give people a little yeah. Kind of sample of what you have going. I will read you from, from my favorite poem in the book. Its a long poem, i will read the very beginning and the very end. A little set up to give you some taste of what is in this book. Its called the torries or the tiger king. This is the first stanza, take a moment to pity the poor gop, they are as lost and confused as a party can be. Inspired by their recent calamitus stories, here is a family fable, we will call it the torys, its an alagory of the Republican Party and what trump has done with it. What happens they adopt a kitten, an adorable kitten not knowing its a tiger cub. It grows up to be a vicious adolesent and then a ruthless real estate czar and then the host of a reality show and this monster tiger runs for president and this is had how and this it ends. She was juicy red meat for a cat. The torrietorrietorrietorrieto endorse him. They decided at last they would ride him to power. Civility, justice and reason took wing. As dumpty was crowned the supreme typer king. With murder appetite, savage and heart, he ate every soul in the grand torry party, theres a moral i urge you to not forget to this frightening fable. Its not over yet. If you coddle a tiger and venture to ride him. You are certain dear reader, to end up inside him. Well done. John lithgow earn, we will be right back jimmy welcome back. Trumpty dumpty wanted a crown [sfx typing sound] [sfx typing sound] [sfx typing sound] [sfx typing sound] can we stop . Its mcdonalds. Please oh cmon, its right there. No. Were both so yes thank you, youre my favorite roommate. Its on the mcdonalds 123 dollar menu. Get your faves for a few bucks like anysize soft drink for just a dollar. Get your faves for a few bucks blackdeals gone in a flash. That was black friday then. This. Is black friday now. Target has deals all november. With new deals each week, in