feel like it opens up wounds, just knowing that it's out there? >> yes, because i don't know if i'm going to turn on the radio one day or turn on the tv one day or be googling on something and just happen to come across them by accident. >> reporter: she's one of many who fought to keep the 911 calls confidential but the town released the nearly 18-minute recording wednesday after a court ruling. the judge in the case says not releasing the call only serves to fuel speculation in our law enforcement officials. >> i did listen to them. i did hear them. >> reporter: neil lost his 6-year-old son jesse. while he didn't want the calls to be released, he felt compelled to listen. >> i felt it was something i needed to do or wanted to do, just to know. you know, jesse was my son. i brought him into the world. >> reporter: some victims relatives like the daughter of slain principal dawn, the audio