former president happy. you know, i just didn't want him to be mad. i'd get physically ill. and perhaps that says something for me, too, that i just wasn't strong enough to stick around and maybe i should have looked within and left for that reason. mark meadows, i didn't care much about keeping him happy, but he was also a very abusive way in his manipulations and then as you talk about, and actually i talk about today, i had an ex that i dated and there was abuse in every way there, and that's something i actually told the president and the first lady about. they did nothing. if it didn't affect them, and as long as i was keeping quiet and being good, then i guess that kind of behavior was okay. and again, i should have known. we had another issue like that in our white house that went largely ignored until the press pointed it out so much that that person had to be let go. >> let me just say, the person you're talking about, you don't name him in the book but his