i was like no, i must have an illness, i have a fever clearly and i'm sweating and i would go to the emergency room and be like, i must have ate something that's closing my throat. can you check, you know? the doctor looked so sad coming in trying to explain what a panic attack is to me. i'm like that's not it. i'm very happy. i have everything i ever wanted. all is well. but i didn't realize my body was screaming for help. >> there is one part of this story i love and that is that at a certain point, you were ordered to take vocal rest when you started following a fellow actor. you're worried that your silence is going to scare him away. >> because that's my charm. that's -- yeah. talking to him -- we were finally like -- i mean, we were like i love you day six. so i couldn't tell it back to him and that made me sad. >> and this is you and your now