case with president trump on his first day back in the united states after a 12-day trip through asia. he started the morning with a flurry of tweets. the president took to twitter today to brag about the stock market, attack "the new york times," promote "fox and friends," promote sean hannity, criticize three ucla basketball players, send his condolences after another multi-victim shooting to the wrong city in the wrong state. and that's it, i think. it's like he never left. [ laughter ] oh no, he also lashed out at cnn. he wrote, while in the philippines i was forced to watch cnn, which i've not done in months, and again realized how bad and fake it is. loser! [ laughter ] who is he calling loser? he knows cnn is not a guy, right? [ laughter ] i get the sense he walks around the white house yelling at inanimate objects. the lamp didn't turn on, loser! then after the tweets the president gave his first speech from the white house in two weeks. the theme of which was putting america first. >> japanese companies have announced investments in the united states worth more than $8 billi billion, 17,000 jobs. thank you. they don't have water, that's okay. what? that's okay. [ laughter ] japanese manufacturers -- >> jimmy: what? who drinks water like that? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's even stranger, he's taub the subject, he's bringing jobs back to america. he's drinking a bottle of water from fiji. it's fiji water. [ laughter ] he's not even drinking american water during the speech about american -- i think that does a very good job of summing the man up right there. the president hasn't weighed in on the biggest story of the week, roy moore. donald trump's in a real bind. on one hand he doesn't want to support an accused pedophile for senate. his other hand is grabbing a woman by the -- you know what i'm saying. roy moore is running for u.s. senate in alabama and there are many reasons he should not be a united states senator. the latest and most shocking are accusations of child molestation. he's been accused by five women of sexual misconduct and/or assault when they were young teenagers. they put him on a watch list at the mall. i want you to think about that for a sec. how does a man in his 30s get on a watch list at the mall? what man in his 30s is even willingly going to the mall in the first lace? [ laughter ] the only kids you should be picking up at the mall are your own kids, that's it. these were high school girls. i didn't even date high school girls when i was in high school, okay? [ laughter ] this is a real pickle for roy. so today his lawyers, he's got some team of lawyers. one of them tried to chalk this up to cultural differences. >> why would he need permission from any of these girls' mothers if they weren't underage? >> sure, that's a good question. and culturally speaking, obviously there's differences. while that's awesome that you have got such a diverse background, it's really cool to read through that. but point is this -- >> what does ali's background have to do with dating a 14-year-old? >> i'm not finished with the context of it. >> well, please answer. what does ali velshi's background have to do with dating children, 14-year-old girls? >> sure, in other countries there's arrangement through parents for what we would -- >> ali's from canada. >> i understand that. and ali's also spent time in other countries -- >> so have i. >> it's not a bad thing. >> jimmy: we sure he isn't an attorney for the other side? [ laughter ] his defense is canada. i think maybe he found his lawyer at the mall. >> the point is, to answer your question, so he said no, comma. he answered no, then he went on to say his process would be, before he'd date anybody, whether they're 25, 35, or whether he doesn't know their age, he would ask the mother's permission. >> jimmy: wait a minute, you would ask a 35-year-old woman's mother's permission? can you imagine 35, a guy before he could take you to the movies, asked your mom if it's okay? [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, my client is not a pervert, he's a gentleman! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] one of the five women who accused him has an inscription in her high school yearbook, a creepy inscription. she says it was written and signed by roy moore. he says, to a sweeter more beautiful girl i could not say merry christmas, christmas 1977, love roy moore, d.a., then the date. but his lawyers today held a press conference to announce they're hiring a handwriting expert to challenge it. they say it's a forgery ask they demand that the accuser's lawyer turn the actual yearbook over to them, which is ridiculous. give us that yearbook so we can pay a guy to say our client didn't sign it. 0 don't so we can say you're hiding something. this is the yearbook equivalent of asking o.j. to try on the glove in the courtroom. [ laughter ] one of his lawyers opened his press conference today with this. >> i've traveled with judge moore all over the state, different states across the nation, i've been with him in probably over 100 different meetings and been around probably in excess of 10,000 different ladies in judge moore's presence. and not once, not one time, have i ever seen him act even remotely inappropriate against any woman. >> jimmy: well, that settles it, i guess. [ laughter ] that is some defense. my client hasn't sexually harassed at least 10,000 women! [ laughter ] i've seen it with my own eyes! so anyway, after all this, five women, many of them republicans, women from his own party, accuse him of doing all these terrible things to them. when they were children. according to the polls, he could still win. one poll has him leading the democratic challenger by 6 points. lots of people in alabama are supporting him because we're all so conditioned now to root for our team, republican or democrat, we will blindly defend a monster. it's like if you go shopping. bring this in here. you walk into a store. you say, i'm looking for a red shirt. i only wear red shirts. but this is the only red shirt available. [ laughter ] okay? it's full of holes, it doesn't -- it's ridiculous, a terrible shirt. but it's red. now there's a blue sweater in there too. but you hate blue, you've never worn blue, no one in your family wears blue, and it's a v-neck, something like that simon cowell would wear. what do you do? >> guillermo: i don't wear anything. >> jimmy:ed y ed yoyou'd go nak? >> guillermo: i'd go naked. >> jimmy: that wasn't one of the options. >> guillermo: i'll still go naked. >> jimmy: you might be in a lot of trouble. guillermo will go naked but everyone else would -- i don't know. i don't know much about politics, fashion is really my passion, so that's my thing. there you go. there are so many really ridiculous characters running around. you remember mike huckabee? the former governor -- there he is, former governor of arkansas. he ran for president. he also happens to be the father of white house press secretary -- [ laughter ] hey, now. i don't think that's allowed in america. and this is some family. mike huckabee is quite a joker on twitter. every day he writes these jokes that, i don't know, maybe they're funnier in person. i think you have to hear them to appreciate them. a few months ago we asked a great comedian, someone who really knows how to deliver a joke, to come on our show to test some of mike huckabee's actual zingers and it was a smash, our ratings went way through the roof. here his again, his new comedy on netflix called "annihilation." with the tweets of mike huckabee, please give a warm welcome to patton oswalt! [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you! oh, boy. well. it is great to be here. i love public events. speaking of public events. i was at a public event, and people started taking a knee. i was going to walk out in protest, but my wife told me it was okay, we were at church. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] you guys watch the news? [ laughter ] speaking of news, cnn claims it knows contents of sealed federal judge order. cnn usually breaks wind, not news. [ audience moaning ] it's a fart joke. hey! you've heard the latest from holly-weird? yesterday's harvey weinstein, toast of the town. today's harvey weinstein, toast. [ rim shot ] [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: one more, just one more, one more. >> okay. oh! i got a -- i got 280, so strap in. we'll be on at maria bart -- bartiromo at 10:00 a.m. eastern on @foxnews to discuss the 33,000 deleted hillary e-mails i found on thumb drive -- [ laughter ] in a box of froot loops left in a vacation cottage previously rented by james comey #serialkiller. tip your waitresses, thank you! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: patton oswalt, everybody. so incredible. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: patton oswalt. we have to take a break. when we come back, the most popular band in the world, so stick around! ♪ ♪ (vo) you can pass down a subaru forester. (dad) she's all yours. 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[ominous sci-fi noise] ♪ a little help at home like only google can. >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome back. colin farrell, pat oswalt, and music from bishop briggs is on the way. we have a new sexiest man alive as determined by "people" magazine. the honor, drumroll, the honor for sexiest man alive is blake shelton. sorry, guillermo. wasn't you this year. blake shelton is "people" magazine's sexiest man alive for 2017. show the cover because he looks surprised. [ laughter ] like, really? huh. but yes, really congratulations to blake. i know he's been wanting this for a long time so that's good news. hopefully there will be a peaceful transfer of power between blake and last year's sexiest man alive, dwayne "the rock" johnson. dwayne johnson is being credited for a new fashion trend which is actually an old fashion trend, and that is the fanny pack. they're back in style. although they're not called fanny packs, they're now called waist bags. i don't know, sounds like something you would carry when you walk the dog to pick up the -- but it's not waste bags. they're the fastest-growing segment in the men's accessories market right now. some believe it has something to do with this photograph. [ laughter ] of dwayne johnson. that he posted on instagram. this is a photo from the '90s. strangely the fanny pack is only the fourth-most embarrassing part of this outfit. [ laughter ] but a lot of people think this is what started the new fanny pack craze. i have another theory. i hate to break it to "the rock" but he did not start this trend. as a matter of fact, i started this trend. at the emmys this year. i wore a fanny -- much to the horror i my wife, i wore a fanny pack with my tuxedo and i have video evidence to prove it. >> let's talk fanny pack. >> yes, yeah. >> jimmy kimmel, camera one pan down, what's inside your fanny pack? >> thank you for asking, sam -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right, it's mine, i started something and i'm claiming it. i believe that wearing a fanny pack is a fashion statement and that statement is, "i've given up." [ laughter ] you may have noticed on your way into the theater today, there's a lot of frenzied activity, a lot of excitement outside. kids have been camped out in line for days because the korean up and down btx -- [ cheers and applause ] look at this line. they're in town for the american music awards on sunday. and they're going to play music on our outdoor stage. bts is very, very popular and we wanted to have fun with that. we went to the line outside and found moms who are waiting in line with their daughters. [ laughter ] we told them, there are a lotoff moms, i don't know what we made up, come inside, we want to know what it's like to be the mother of a superfan of bts. we were going to send the band outside but the police and fire department and our lawyers said at least 100 would be killed if we did that. [ laughter ] we brought the moms inside and introduced them to the boys in bts. [ audience groaning ] >> jimmy: if you think you're mad wait until the moms of the daughters. >> we're talking to moms of fans. can we borrow her for just a minute? we're talking to moms supervisefans of the band, can we talk to you? here, come with us, i want to talk to you. it's your mom, it's your mom's. >> hi. >> see your moms? >> hi, mom. where are you? >> whoa! oh my god! >> hey! how you doing? >> sucks to be you, honmy! >> jimmy: oh, well, there you go. [ cheers and applause ] oh, there they are. hi. so what happened? your moms got to see bts and then you guys didn't? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how are you feeling right now? describe your emotions if you could. >> a little jealous. >> jimmy: a little bit jealous, yeah. did you ask your mom what happened? >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you smelling her to see if they rubbed any bts -- [ laughter ] are you excited that your moms met bts? or would you rather they had never met bts at all? >> no, i'm really happy. >> jimmy: you were happy for her, yeah. did she tell you all about it? >> yeah, she did. >> jimmy: what was your reaction overall? did you like them? >> yes, very nice. >> very. >> i'm very excited, very nervous. and very lucky to be the one. >> jimmy: yeah. i will say -- [ applause ] you in a way, if you think about it, you're almost as lucky as your daughter is unlucky for not meeting them. [ laughter ] well, that's very exciting for some of you. thanks to bts, they will be on the american music awards sunday night, you can see them on our show november 29th. thank you, ladies. we have music from bishop briggs, patton oswalt will be back, and we'll be right back with colin farrell so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: poergts of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by the kmart bluelight special. kmart.com. ♪ ♪♪ ♪ what if home security was different? what if it looked different? what if the measure of working, was that you never had to think about it. ♪ what if it was so easy to use, you actually used it. [alarm] you have 3 minutes to exit. what if it gave you time, and what you really need from home security. a sense of security. ♪ >> jimmy: look at that. we're not heartless. all right, there you go. tonight, we have a good show for you. the funniest patton in all the world, his new netflix special is called "annihilation." patton oswalt is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] later her song is called "dream." she's here to share that with you, bishop briggs from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night on the show, tracee ellis ross will be here. frankie shaw will be here. we'll have music from manchester orchestra too, please join us for that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is a golden globe-winning actor and a very popular colin. he calls his latest project the feel bad movie of the year. it's "the killing of a sacred deer." please welcome colin farrell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very good to see you, how you doing? >> good. >> jimmy: are you into k-pop? >> all night long, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] no, when it comes to the obsessive pursuit of pure musical sound you'll find me in seoul, korea. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah you got a lot of soul there in korea. >> yeah. >> jimmy: when you were a kid, do you have like any posters on your wall, did you have an idol? >> i did, i had marilyn monroe. >> jimmy: marilyn monroe. >> you like her music? >> jimmy: probably -- >> she was probably dead about, what, about 40 years? she was a bit beyond my reach. that's the first kind of sign that i was somewhat delusional as a child. >> jimmy: that you were odd. >> i used to eat smarties, the european version of m&ms. >> jimmy: we have smarties here, they're the worst candy in the halloween pack. a clear wrapper, they're like little pastel-colored -- are they different? >> yeah, yeah, like m&ms. hard candy coating, soft chocolate center. >> jimmy: no, our smarts -- we have different smarties. >> no, no, i wouldn't have left her those smarties. i wouldn't have insulted her spirit. i left her a little note saying, you should dry these, i know you're dead but they're really good. >> jimmy: no, you did not. >> i wouldn't lie to you, swear to god. [ laughter ] thing is i'd go up and this happened about a week until i got the message that she wasn't going to turn up. i used to get pissed off with her for not -- what? [ laughter ] judgment in the crowd. >> jimmy: for not responding? >> yeah, i'd come up and the little handwritten shaky -- i was 17, 18? no, i was 7 or 8. yeah. my feelings were hurt. >> jimmy: when you heard the song "candle in the wind" you must have thought, wow, this is my life being sung right to me. >> yeah, exactly. yeah, exactly. but it was -- she was my first experience of romantic love. i think the thing with her was, she seemed so -- when i saw her for the first time in "some like it hot," she -- whoo! she seemed so -- as beautiful as she was, as exuberant as she was, as flirtatious as she may have been, there was a sadness that she could never, never hide. as a performer. at 8 or 9, i didn't know -- i wouldn't have put it in those pretentious words, perhaps. [ laughter ] i think at 8 or 9 i felt it. what was your poster? >> wasn't allowed to have po posters. i had a picture of morgan fairchild in my drawer. [ laughter ] >> dynasty, falcon crest? >> jimmy: yes. also i loved madonna when i was a kid. >> when did you pull the picture of morgan fairchild out? >> jimmy: you know, weird thing, it wasn't a sexy picture, just a head shot. i'd just sometimes look at it. [ laughter ] i would. and i was embarrassed about it. you know, my mom, if she'd seen it -- >> why would you be embarrassed? >> jimmy: because my mother's crazy. [ laughter ] but like she would have teased me about it till like -- till like last night, really, it would have lasted. >> she's known about it, of course it's exposed before this? >> jimmy: no, this is her finding out about it right now. [ laughter ] it's not like major. it's not like i am so disappointed in you. >> lose my number. >> jimmy: did you watch those american shows? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm impressed that you knew -- >> t.j. hooker, 18, baywatch, chips. >> jimmy: that's a good one. >> is that your idea of california, "chips," watching that show? >> yes, "chips" and "baywatch." >> jimmy: first time you got pulled over you must have been excited. >> i walked into ralph's and i was like, [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: you don't have like a supermarket there? >> i do, but not a ralph's. >> jimmy: how long have you lived here in the united states? >> 12 years now. >> jimmy: 12 years. do you celebrate like thanksgiving now? is that something you would do? >> i would do, i'd celebrate anything, really, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: anything? >> yeah, yeah. celebrate coming here. no, any opportunity for friends and family to get together. >> jimmy: you like holidays? >> i love christmas. >> jimmy: will you carve the christmas and do that? >> badly, a massacre? when you say you love christmas -- >> i love christmas so much. i grew up with christmas in a certain climate. i miss seeing my breath, wrapping up in a scarf and gloves and putting the collar up and stuff. it's hard to have christmas when you can wear shorts on christmas day. [ laughter ] but i -- i'll get the movies, i'll stock up, make sure "big," "goonies," "some like it hot," "miracle on 34th street," the current carpenters and the brother otter i don't, bing crosby. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, no, i love it, man. >> jimmy: you decorate the house and all that stuff? >> griswold on it, you know what i mean? i throw up a few lights. >> jimmy: eggnog? >> that's a cultural crossing point that i haven't reached. >> jimmy: you have not. >> no, i've never. >> jimmy: it's funny, st. patrick's day, correct me if i'm wrong, is not a big deal in ireland. >> i mean, it's celebrated but it's not -- i never heard of green beer until i got to america. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, that was just us. >> who wants to drink green beer? >> jimmy: we're so inventive. >> crazy imagination. >> jimmy: i wonder who came up with the green beer. >> i have no idea, but if he was irish it was three generations removed. [ laughter ] you have to be longing for something that far away to get that creative. >> jimmy: have you ever had a green beer? >> i have never had a green beer. maybe i shouldn't be so judgmental. maybe i should be like, shut up, farrell, you haven't tried it, you can't talk about it. i get it, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: i think you're doing the right thing. certain things you really have to be careful. >> i missed that boat anyway. >> jimmy: elle fanning was here. she was talking about you. you guys were on the set of a movie together. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she said that you have like a phone full of photographs of hamburgers. [ laughter ] and that you drove an hour and a half to get with her just for a specific hamburger. >> and it's true. >> jimmy: are you a hamburger nut? >> i love a cheese burger, yeah. >> jimmy: what's the best hamburger you've ever had? >> there's a place called nick's in -- nick's grill in -- i think it was kansas? no, it was oklahoma. >> jimmy: really, nick's grill in oklahoma. >> yeah. was the best burger. do you know it? [ laughter ] do you know it? have you had a burger there? oh, no. [ laughter ] what did you have, the chicken nuggets? >> jimmy: that drives you crazy. the kind of thing that will make you crazy. the best hamburger in the country. >> turn the lights off! [ laughter ] she's not thog to say! >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. colin farrell is with us. the movie is "the killing of the sacred deer." >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by the north face. introducing the new ventrix jacket the jacket that works when you do. ♪ guess what i just got? uh! ♪i used to be spellbound hello again. ♪i used to be spellbound hi. ♪i used to be spellbound that's a big phone. ♪in your arms. [screams] ah, my phone. ♪you built the flame ♪that warms my heart, ♪but lying and cheating ♪has torn us apart ♪and i'm moving on. and roomba from irobot gets to work using two multi-surface brushes and power-lifting suction to grab and remove everything from fine dust to large debris. daily dirt doesn't stand a chance. you and roomba from irobot. better together. 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(vget great phones during thes! sprint deal spectacular! you can get the new titanium crafted essential phone for just $5/month. and get some of our hottest samsung galaxy phones also starting at $5/mo. hurry in while supplies last. for people with hearing loss, works for me. visit sprintrelay.com. it's just my eczema again,t. but it's fine. yeah, it's fine. you ok? eczema. it's fine. hey! hi! aren't you hot? eczema again? it's fine. i saw something the other day. eczema exposed. your eczema could be something called atopic dermatitis, which can be caused by inflammation under your skin. maybe you should ask your doctor? go to eczemaexposed.com to learn more. you do realize we're in this situation because of you. >> so what do you suggest? tell me. oh, wait, i know. i've got it. there is a way we can put a stop to all this. all we need to do is find the tooth of a baby crocodile, the blood of a pigeon, and the pubes of a virgin and burn them all before sunset. let me see, do we have spare teeth lying around? teeth, pubes? let me see. any here? tooth, teeth? >> jimmy: that's nicole kidman and colin farrell in "the killing of a sacred deer." [ cheers and applause ] do you ever feel guilty when you're shooting a movie? how many takes did that take? >> that destroying the kitchen, people cleaning it up after you? absolutely feels history ren doesly wrong, yeah. sometimes i pretend not to see it. >> jimmy: it's extra pressure. you're like, i just threw stuff all over the floor, all these people -- >> without regard for anyone else's time or energy. three takes. >> jimmy: three takes? not bad at all. >> i think three takes. >> jimmy: the director of this movie directed you in -- >> on twitter, colin farrell it was 13 takes. director, yes. >> jimmy: which i thought that was a great movie. what is this movie about? [ laughter ] >> i'm not -- i've seen it twice, i'm not quite sure. [ laughter ] it's about as -- i play a heart surgeon, a cardio thoracic surgeon who loses somebody on his table. and years later, the son of the person comes back to seek revenge because i was drinking perhaps a little bit more than anyone should be drinking, which is a drop is more than anyone should be drinking, performing cardiothoracic surgery. a tale of revenge, a tale of loss and suffering, and i'm really selling the [ bleep ] out of it. [ laughter ] people are leaving to go and buy their tickets now. stop, come back! >> jimmy: it sounds interesting. >> you know, it's -- no, it's so bleak. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's bleak? >> it's bleak. >> jimmy: what have reactions been to the film? >> devise sglif really? >> yes. an absolute work of maddening genius. and not worth the film that it was printed on. >> jimmy: do your friends say, i loved it or i didn't love it? >> no, my friends will go, geez, man, what was that even about? yeah, yeah, yeah. seriously. again, it's probably art and all that, but when are you doing "s.w.a.t. 2"? then i have some friends that just want to talk about it and ask questions about it. the director of the film to be honest with you, i feel, and it's of course as many people have said, overused word, i feel he is a genius of sorts in his own way. he's a very unique filmmaker. so the things that he makes tent to be incredibly provocative. and he's very generous in that he doesn't taint the films with his own ideology or philosophy. he sets forth a very unusual and very kind of upsetting at times set of dynamics and circumstances and lets the audience come to their own conclusions about what is morally or ethically right or wrong. >> jimmy: is there any possibility he will direct "s.w.a.t. 2"? [ laughter ] >> i don't know, better than that a sequel to this thing, i was depressed bit end of this. >> jimmy: good, christmas is coming so cheer up. >> it's going to be okay. >> jimmy: colin farrell, "the killing of a sacred deer" is in theaters now. we'll be right back with patton oswalt! my office is on my back. the less stuff i have to carry the better. with surface pro, i have one device that does everything. technology has really changed how i do this job. on pacific rim: uprising our characters are 250 ft. tall. where in the heck are you gonna land this big robot? pulled up a satellite image and there is like a giant bullseye, robots here! i feel very proud of what i bring to the screen. i have the greatest job in the world. ♪ i've been watching ...now ba-by.s ♪ stack that beef. lay that swiss! whoa. ♪ wrap it up. oh, a basket instead. ok. the reuben is back for a limited time at subway. so much reuben. i got it from the same place i bought your present from last year... it's the thing from the link you sent us. ...and the year before... i found the perfect gift for you... ...but it wouldn't ship in time. so i just...texted you a photo. i bought it with one click. i included a gift receipt. it's the thought that counts? don't shop like everybody else. this year shop ebay for brand new, nearly new, and totally you gifts. when it comes to helping maria iher daughter,le mom. shopping for groceries, unclogging the sink, setting updentist appointments and planning birthday parties, nobody does it better. she's also in a rock band. look at her shred. but when it comes to mortgages, she's less confident. fortunately for maria, there's rocket mortgage by quicken loans. it's simple, so she can understand the details and be sure she's getting the right mortgage. apply simply. understand fully. mortgage confidently. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ for those who know what they're really building. always unstoppable. ♪ ladies and gentleman this is a robbery. what are you doing after this? ♪ fortified.tored. replenished. emerge everyday with emergen-c packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good everyday? emerge and see. directv has been rated number one in customer satisfaction over cable for 17 years running. but some people still like cable. just like some people like wet grocery bags. getting a bad haircut. overcrowded trains. turnstiles that don't turn. and spilling coffee on themselves. but for everyone else, there's directv. for #1 rated customer satisfaction over cable, switch to directv. and for a limited time get a $100 reward card. call 1-800-directv >> jimmy: we are back. still to come, bishop briggs. our next guest is one of the funniest people of all with a new stand-up special to prove it. "annihilation" is available right now on netflix. please welcome patton oswalt! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: look at you. i was wondering if you were going to change from your standup comedy outfit. >> i know, yeah. >> jimmy: to a talk show guest outfit. >> that outfit, it makes you too confident. you know what i mean? [ laughter ] i wanted a couple of obstacles. >> jimmy: i was worried some of the women in the audience were going to pounce on you. >> oh my god, yeah. the extra puff that the dad jeans gives you, looks like you have four asses? it's just -- i know. keep your seats! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i watched your standup special, it was very beautiful and very funny as well. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there's some very serious stuff it in, i think people know about. it made me cry, i will say. >> oh, man, thank you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, i was very, very nervous doing that. only because i was afraid that i was going to come out there and either i would freeze -- it was one of those things where i was not able to get the courage to do it until after i did it. there's that very famous saying in the movie "three kings." you get the courage to do the thing you're afraid to do after you do it. >> jimmy: interesting. >> yeah. that's what i had to go through. it also helped having goldthwait directing me. >> jimmy: he used to direct our show. >> he start observed a lot of young comedians from my generati generation. we would watch his specials, "field of warmth," where he would crawl around, be such a lunatic that it gave us the license to try to do that stuff when we were doing these very bland cable shows. i want to go in the audience and set my scrotum on fire! they're like, no, this is evening at the improv. bob would say, you're not bob goldthwait, stand and up do your job! >> jimmy: bobcat uses something he calls the voice. >> the voice, yes. >> jimmy: something that comes out of him. no wait, i call it the voice, he doesn't call it the voice. a crazy voice. he's a mild-mannered guy in real life. >> so mild. at one point we were backstage, one of the biggest laughs in the special is a tag to my jokes. i'm doing a bit, there's a little tag line. he gave me that tag line. the day of the special he goes, you know what? you could use this, this little joke would work. he told me the joke. then my comedian instincts kicked in. i went, do you want to use that? he's like, no, you idiot, it's your joke. i can't use that anywhere, i just gave that to you. like in my head he's going to reverse-engineer a whole bit out of this one great line. >> jimmy: out of a tag, yeah. it would be like instead of a shirt, he just gave you the tag. oh, you should wear this. >> dude, you should take this tag, man. you could build something. >> jimmy: congratulations, you got married last weekend. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, yes. >> jimmy: november 4th i believe was the day. >> sunday, november -- i got married in this suit. [ laughter ] i got married in this suit. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's one of the big differences between men and women. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is that if you've been -- no woman would wear her wedding dress to a talk show. >> oh, i'm getting so much use out of this thing, my god. it's like the best suit i've ever owned. >> jimmy: were you involved in the wedding? did you plan the wedding? >> no. being a groom is the best. you are basically -- you are a prop that eats appetizers, that's all you are. [ laughter ] you're just there and they tell you where to go. you go, come over here, pictures. all right. then you just sort of -- and then the bride, you know, i married meredith salinger, this amazing actress. she and our wedding planner, it was like watching two people plan a bank heist. they knew every -- they had every bell mapped out. >> jimmy: really. >> it was incredible. and i was just a guy -- i was the guy in the bank heist that i just put the explosives somewhere. run in there with the explosives. and then just kind of go in there. that's all i did. >> jimmy: how did you and meredith meet? >> we met online, we met through -- >> jimmy: tinder? >> a little tinder, one of my many personas. no, we met because we have a mutual friend. the actress martha plimpton. >> jimmy: oh, yes, very funny. >> awesome. and she threw a dinner party. and i was -- she invited both of us. neither of us knew each other, we'd never met. last minute i couldn't go because of some travel stuff. so the next day, because we have all these mutual friends on facebook, meredith sent me a message saying, you missed some amazing lasagna last night, dude. that was on february 28th. we started talking. we didn't meet face-to-face until may 20th. >> jimmy: really, wow. >> victorian-like, exchanging letters kind of romance. every night we'd write back and forth about everything. life, politics. books. it was all this -- like we did all of the deep stuff you do after you have the first date. so by the time we met on our first date we were so -- i was so head over heels. >> jimmy: was it the word lasagna that got you going? [ laughter ] >> yeah, it was, lasagna. >> jimmy: there's something about lasagna -- >> carbs! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: was your daughter alice the flower girl? >> she was the flower girl, yeah. she was the little -- we wanted -- we said, you can be the flower girl and the ring bearer. she was like, ring bearer is a boy's job. in her mind, bringing a ring up, that's boring. she wanted to be throwing petals around. >> jimmy: yeah, there's more destruction that goes. >> exactly, yes. someone has to clean up her mess. with a ring bearer, no one cleans up after the ring bearer. >> it's like being colin farrell in a movie, really. [ laughter ] >> it really is. it's very downbeat. it's very grim. you don't want to be the ring bearer, yeah. you know who is -- who's going to be a ring bearer after anthony cirrus, really. >> jimmy: by the way -- >> he's going to rip me apart for saying anthony circus. >> jimmy: it was a slip, i'm sure it will never happen again. but for your wedding, i can't think of anyone who would have -- i mean, andy sirkis who played gol let me in "lord of the rings." >> i tolled him and said, can i get andy serkis to be our ring bearer? he was traveling. i'm sure he said, i'm not doing that, what am i, doing a kids' birthday party at chuck e. cheese? although speaking of cred, meredith, her first movie role was this disney movie called "the injureny of natty gann." i was remy in "ratatouille." we got married at henson studios. somebody said, natty gann married remy and martha was our officiant, so married by a goony at jim henson studios. it could not be more worldly. [ cheers and applause ] amazing. >> jimmy: very happy for you and for meredith too. patton oswalt, his special "annihilation" is on netflix. be right back with bishop briggs! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. we can now use a blood sample to detect lung cancer. if we can do that, imagine what we can do for asthma. and if we can stop seizures in epilepsy patients with a small pacemaker for the brain, imagine what we can do for multiple sclerosis, even migraines. if we can use patients' genes to predict heart disease in their families, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. imagine what we can do for you. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank colin farrell, patton oswalt and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next. but first, here with her song "dream," bishop briggs! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ crying eyes broken bells beckoned calls ♪ ♪ no one tells down we go wish me well ♪ i don't know where we fell oh i had a dream that you couldn't ♪ ♪ hear me screaming tried to tell you everything but i wouldn't ♪ ♪ stop you leaving i wanna wake up where your love is ♪ ♪ cuz your love is always waking mine i wanna break down ♪ ♪ where your heart gets so torn it's almost breaking mine i wanna lay here ♪ ♪ lost and bitter so long i feel like i could die ♪ ♪ i wanna tell you what my truth is but it's buried down inside ♪ shining light show and tell don't be scared truth is hell ♪ ♪ down we go wish me well no one knows where we fell ♪ ♪ oh i had a dream that you couldn't hear me screaming tried to tell you ♪ ♪ everything but i wouldn't stop you leaving i wanna wake up ♪ ♪ where your love is cuz your love is always waking mine ♪ ♪ i wanna break down where your heart gets so torn it's almost breaking mine ♪ ♪ i wanna lay here lost and bitter so long i feel like i could die ♪ ♪ i wanna tell you what my truth is but it's buried down inside ♪ they say that secrets make you sick and i should know just promise me that ♪ ♪ if i tell you you won't go ♪ ♪ i wanna wake up where your love is ♪ ♪ cuz your love is always waking mine i wanna break down where your heart ♪ ♪ gets so torn it's almost breaking mine i wanna lay here lost and bitter ♪ ♪ so long i feel like i could die i wanna tell you ♪ ♪ what my truth is but it's buried down inside ♪ ♪ it's buried down inside this is "nightline." >> tonight, he too? >> i was sexually assaulted. >> terry crews played the tough guy and muscle-bound pitchman for old spice. and a cop on "brooklyn 99." he says at one hollywood party he became a victim of sexual assault. >> i wake up every morning like, is this a bad dream? did this really happen? >> now opening up to michael strahan in an abc news exclusive interview. why he's filing a criminal complaint against a major hollywood executive. plus -- ♪ there's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark ♪ >> scars to your beautiful. at just 21 alexia is turning the music world