And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 495 woo steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi hey, welcome, welcome, welcome welcome, everybody hot crowd tonight welcome everyone here to new york city [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the tonight show, everybody. This is it, you made it, youre here. This is it. This is what were talking about. [ cheers and applause ] its new york city. The hottest city. This is it i love the energy. I feel the love. Thank you, everybody. Im your host, jimmy fallon. Guys, heres the latest on the election. Donald trump is actually taking a break from the campaign to go visit his golf resort in scotland tomorrow. [ light laughter ] yeah. Right after he leaves the u. S. , republicans will say, quick build the wall [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] actually, a big story this week is that Trumps Campaign isnt doing so well financially. [ audience oohs ] a recent report, yeah. They said his Campaign Even spent over 100,000 for meals just last month. And trump said, well, thats the price you pay for hiring chris christie. And you go, well thats [ laughter and applause ] steve hey, ho jimmy come on, man. Steve hey jimmy thats not a nice thing to say. Steve is that true . Is that what he jimmy thats not a nice thing to say. Steve thats not nice at all. [ laughter ] jimmy and get this. Hillary clinton gave a speech yesterday where she talked about employment. She said that not every job requires a Fouryear College degree. And this years graduates said, this is the worst commencement speech ever [ laughter ] im finally graduating where were you last year . [ applause ] steve you should have told me. Jimmy meanwhile, Bernie Sanders still hasnt officially dropped out of the race for president , but earlier today, he gave a speech with the theme where do we go from here . [ laughter ] i think he was basically asking the crowd for directions back to vermont. Its just like [ laughter and applause ] steve yeah. [ as bernie ] jimmy where do we go from here . You make a left and then you get of course, the other main story is that democrats held a big sitin on the house floor to protest congress refusal to vote on gun control. Or in other words, democrats were tired of congress not getting anything done, so they refused to get anything done until someone got something done. [ laughter and applause ] thats how you do it. Thats how you do it. And this is really big. Today, the United Kingdom held a vote on whether to remain in the European Union or become independent. I saw that as people headed to the polls, torrential rains flooded londons streets and disrupted its public transportation. As opposed to our election which will be flooded by frogs and locusts. [ laughter and applause ] this is it this is the big one steve thats it. [ applause ] jimmy lets get some sports here. Yesterday, the knicks made a a huge trade with the Chicago Bulls to get all star derrick rose. [ cheers and applause ] yeah i guess the bulls approached the knicks, looked them in the eyes and said, will you accept this rose . [ laughter and applause ] omg chicago b. Just gave knick a a rose last night. [ laughter ] this is making the rounds today. Nfl player marshawn lynch. We love marshawn lynch. [ cheers ] we love the guy. Yeah. Beast, yeah, beast mode. He just recently gave a a 60 minutes interview to discuss his retirement and football career and listen to what he had to say about the game. Thats when it just clicked in my mind that if you just run through somebody face, a lot of people aint gon be able to take that over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over. And over, and over, and over, and over, and over, again. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over. I mean, at one point he was like, what was the question . Im sorry. I forgot. [ laughter ] i thought they were gonna have to unplug him and plug him back in. [ laughter ] i was like after that they had to change the name of the show to 64 minutes. [ laughter and applause ] no. No. Steve hey oh jimmy i was joking. Steve hey jimmy i was joking about that. Thats not true. Steve hey jimmy thats not true. Steve thats not true . Jimmy thats not true. Steve thats not true. Jimmy that was a joke. Thats not true. Steve thats a joke . Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. They didnt really have to rename the show 64 minutes. Steve whyd you say it . Jimmy i know, but i was kidding. I was joking around. Steve oh, wow let me know. Jimmy yeah, i know. Sorry buddy. You got bummed out, man. Steve i know. I thought, wow, thats cool. [ laughter ] jimmy theres a huge soccer tournament going on right now in europe called the euro cup. There was an amazing game last night between iceland and austria. Now the game was tied, time was running out and then iceland scored a last second winner, and i think icelands announcer was pretty excited about it. But im not sure. Listen. [ speaking Foreign Language ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i still cant tell if the man was excited. [ laughter ] so we actually had it translated and maybe that will help me. Lets see it again. [ speaking Foreign Language ] [ laughter and applause ] jimmy guys, we have a great show give it up for the roots right there [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome and thank you for watching the show. Its been a great week so far. Theres more ahead. Tomorrow night, emmy and golden globe award winner, jim parsons will be here. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we love jim parsons. Steve lovely man. Jimmy plus, nfl superstar j. J. Watt will be dropping in. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy say what . Steve what . Jimmy and were gonna play a game of egg russian roulette with j. J. Steve ooh. [ audience oohs ] jimmy and we have great music from the avett brothers, as well. Its a big show tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] so tune in. Set your tivos. The show will be 64 minutes tomorrow night. Steve will it really be . [ laughter ] jimmy im joking. I was just kidding. I was just telling a joke. I was fooling around that our show would be 64 minutes. Steve were you joshing me . Jimmy i was totally joshing you. [ laughter ] steve oh. I thought it was gonna be 64 minutes long. [ laughter ] jimmy are you upset . I mean do you want it to be 64 minutes long . Steve no. Is it going to be . [ laughter ] jimmy no, its only 60 minutes long. Steve oh. Jimmy but were not doing 60 minutes tomorrow. Steve oh jimmy no, were not. Steve oh. Jimmy i mean, we are. Steve great jimmy we are doing 60 minutes but steve 60 minutes in length. Not the show 60 minutes. Jimmy that is correct. And the show 60 minutes is still called 60 minutes. Steve its not called 64 minutes. Jimmy that was a show i made in the monologue and it was just a joke. Steve so there werent snakes in the boots of that [ laughter ] jimmy yes there were snakes in the boots. Steve oh, okay, okay, all right. Jimmy that wasnt a joke, but this one was. Steve okay. All right, okay, good. Jimmy but first tonight, guys, we love this guy. Hes one of the funniest steve we love him. Jimmy and talented, and most committed comedians. Steve the most committed comedian in the history of the world. Jimmy in the history of the planet, right . Steve in the history of the planet earth. Jimmy hes fantastic on the show the last man on earth, our buddy will forte is on the show, tonight [ cheers and applause ] i love him. Plus shes one of the stars of the hit series Pretty Little Liars, Ashley Benson is stopping by tonight. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy and we got great music from joseph, ladies and gentlemen. Steve whoa jimmy gonna be here tonight [ cheers and applause ] jimmy guys, as you know, Hillary Clinton and donald trump are the presumptive president ial nominees for the two major parties. A lot of people are saying theyre not satisfied with either candidate. So they started to support minor party candidates. Well, we wanted to give one of those candidates some time on our show to explain why you should vote for him. So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the president ial candidate for the writein party, tim calhoun. [ cheers and applause ] [ light laughter ] i am tim calhoun. [ laughter ] im running for the office of president of america the United States. [ laughter ] a lot of people are wondering, who is tim calhoun . [ laughter ] well i want to tell you now who is tim calhoun. [ laughter ] i, tim calhoun, is leader. [ laughter ] confident. [ laughter ] economy. [ laughter ] dancer. [ laughter ] strong, both up here and muscles. [ laughter ] im proisis. [ laughter ] whether large cubes or small flakes. [ laughter ] ices keeps my drinks cold. [ laughter ] and thats good for america. [ laughter and applause ] go isis. I dont have any skeletons in my closet. My closet is very small. So i keep my skeletons in a a duffel bag in my basement. [ laughter ] i dont think the American People grate enough cheese together these days. I mean, when was the last time you saw people grating cheese in public . Thats why my slogan is make america grate cheese again. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the Supreme Court needs a china person. [ laughter ] i propose we give all of the faces on mt. Rushmore giant rock straws connecting to a a river. They must get thirsty sitting up there on that mountain. [ laughter ] i propose that infants and children must remain in car safety seats until they are 45 years old. [ laughter ] and i will not budge on this. [ laughter and applause ] rose. Jack. Thats from titanic. [ laughter ] thats all there is. [ cheers and applause ] in conclusion, and in summary, vote for tim calhoun for the president of the america the United States because if you rearrange the letters in america it spells ricamea. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Tim calhoun, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] stick around, well be right back with tonight show hashtags, everybody [ cheers and applause ] start boldly with the apple that bites back. Redds wicked apple. Also available in mango and black cherry. Ba da ba ba ba this prepaid, man, i cant even. My prepaid is much better than yours. My prepaid brings all the gigs to the plan my network is better than yours verizon is better than yours no surprises always know the charge lalalalala no annual contract my prepaid lets me stream what i want my speed is better than yours my prepaid is better than yours i can be free with no Strings Attached lalalalala alright guys, weve brought you to this construction trailer to talk about trucks today. Which truck brand offers engines with best in class v8 towing or fuel economy . Are we moving . Where we going . Its the answer to the question baby silverado. Oooh thats cool. Its truck month. Qualified buyers get 0 financing for 60 months. Plus, find your tag and get 8,250 total value on this silverado all star. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome back its time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go, everybody. Hashtags hashtags jimmy hey, thank you, thank you, thank you thank you. Thank you very much. That is a solid guitar, my friend. [ laughter ] you guys are on twitter, right . [ cheering ] it is fun. We use twitter on our show every single week, so if you watch our show and you want to the play along, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. So since donald trump fired his Campaign Manager on monday, i went on twitter and sent out a a hashtag called howigotfired. [ light laughter ] did you ever get fired . Steve oh, yeah. All the time. [ light laughter ] jimmy did you . Steve i got fired from t. G. I. Fridays. [ light laughter ] jimmy did you really . Steve yup. Jimmy why . Steve for not being t. G. I. Fridays material. [ laughter ] they made it about the shoes and the black pants, this is like in high school. Jimmy yeah. Steve and they went, no. [ light laughter ] jimmy well, i asked you guys to tweet out a funny, weird or embarrassing story about how you lost your job. We got thousands of tweets and within 30 minutes it was a a trending topic in the u. S. [ cheers and applause ] so thank you for those tweets. I appreciate it. Theyre really funny. Now i thought i would share some of my favorite how i got fired tweets from you guys. Here we go. This first ones from mikeg. He says, i was fired from kinkos for photoshopping myself in all of the customers holiday calendars and christmas cards. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thats really funny. Thats a good one. Steve who is that guy . Jimmy thats fantastic. Hey, i got your card. Yeah. Did you have another son . [ laughter ] this ones from aletaq. She says, i worked at a soft serve ice cream place and was fired my first day because my swirls werent enthusiastic enough. [ laughter ] [ applause ] oh, my god. Im leaving steve youre gonna get it. Jimmy not enthusiastic enough. Get a life, buddy. Steve theyre sarcastic. Jimmy yeah, your swirls were a little sarcastic. This one is from coltcalhoun. Steve i wonder if he knows thats tims son. Jimmy thats tims son . Steve yeah. Jimmy colt calhoun, he says, i got fired from olive garden because i kept saying, pasta la vista, baby to people. [ laughter ] steve what . Jimmy i think its funny. Steve he should get a a raise. Jimmy he should get a raise for that. Steve yeah. Jimmy this one is from kenfleet. He says, i got fired from my retail job for telling customers who asked what aisle an item was on to check on amazon. [ laughter ] [ applause ] steve come on. Jimmy i feel like hes not even trying. Steve get rid of him. Jimmy hes not trying. Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is a great name. This one is from frozengumwad. [ laughter ] steve frozen gumwad. Jimmy i wish i had that, that was a great one. Great name. She says, worked at a call center and would use fake accents to keep it interesting. They really do monitor for training purposes. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ australian accent ] hello, thank you for calling time warner cable, mate. Ni hao. Steve ni hao. [ laughter ] jimmy this one is from imjoeyraymundo. He says, after an hour into my shift at the nike store, my manager pointed out to me that i was wearing an adidas tshirt. [ audience oohs ] [ applause ] steve can i see you for a a second . Jimmy you get a discount, i mean steve can i see you for a a second . Jimmy go get another shirt. Just do it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve ladies and gentlemen, leaving the field is James Thomas Fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy this one is from fourleftturns. [ light laughter ] steve make a right. Jimmy he says, a friend cleaned all of the fish tanks in kmarts pet department with windex. The inside of the tank [ audience oohs ] all of the fish died. We found dory. [ laughter ] [ applause ] not good. Steve not good dont worry, man. Jimmy oh wait, this is a a good impression you did. Ready . This is a windex bottle. Go for it. [ laughter ] [ spraying sounds ] [ cheers and applause ] steve higgins. Master impressionist. Oh, this one is funny. This last one has a picture. This is from 305pirate. She says, called out sick to go to the who concert. My picture ended up in the front page of the paper. It was hanging in the office the next day. Heres the picture right there. Yeah [ cheers and applause ] rock n roll, baby there you have it, those are the tonight show hashtags. Check out more of our favorites. Go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Well be right back with will forte, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] you know we said wed take a look at our Retirement Plan today. Not now im cleaning the oven yeah, im cleaning the gutters washing the dog washing the cat well im learning snapchamp chat. Chat changing the oil. vo its surprising what people would rather do than deal with retirement. Pressurewashing the. Roses. Aerating the lawn vo but with nationwide its no big deal. Okay, your Retirement Plan is all set. Nationwide . Awesome. Nice neighborhood. Nationwide is on your side theresany day now ful baby. [crunch] youre eating doritos . Really . laughter owww give me that screaming [baby crying] [crunch] see, we can agree. Reat. Honey, its called a barber shop quartet. No finally, something the whole family can agree on. Oscar mayer deli fresh ham made with pure honey for a taste everyone will love. [engine revving] want to know what makes us, us . By the time other people start doing what weve been doing, weve already moved on. The lexus gs 350 f sport, with better overall handling performance than the bmw 535i m sport. One coat, yes one coat guaranteed marquee interior. Behrs most advanced paint. Come find our top rated paints, only at the home depot. With tmobile and the incredible iphone, you can reach more people in more places than before. Whether youre at home in the basement, on the open road, or pulling the late shift at work. Youre more connected now, because tmobile doubled its lte coverage. And added extended range lte which reaches two times farther than before and is four times better in buildings. Right now, hook up the whole family with an iphone. Buy any iphone and get an iphone se free when you add a line. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a fourtime Emmy Awardnominated actor and writer, starring on the Popular Television show the last man on earth, which returns for a a third season, september 25th at 9 30 p. M. On fox. Please welcome our good friend, the very funny will forte, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy will will, we love you. I always love having you on the show. Everything good, buddy . Everything is very good. Jimmy thank you for doing tim calhoun. I dont know if you saw tim calhoun stop by. Oh, my god. No, i missed him. Jimmy hes running for i missed him, by, like, this. Jimmy hes running for president. I might vote for him. [ laughter ] jimmy this is your actual hair. You look skinny. I mean, youve always been skinny. Well, thank you. Jimmy is it the haircut thank you. [ laughter ] jimmy its not like you need to lose weight. I think in the history of my life, ive been, like, a roller coaster weight person. Jimmy no. I had kind of gotten to a a pretty good place, and then over the last two years, at the show last man on earth, its just so much work, that i, like, i didnt have time to eat right or to exercise or to stop drinking. [ laughter ] so its like, you know,