A SIMPLE RULE applies when analysing an EU scheme: the sillier something’s name, the more important it is. When the EU launched €750bn of common debt, it came under the seemingly Star Trek-inspired title of Next Generation EU. The European Semester, which makes little sense in any of the club’s 24 languages, dictates whether a government’s budget fits with EU spending rules. Schengen, the radical experiment in passport-free travel across an entire continent, is named after a nondescript village in Luxembourg. Nomenclature of Territorial Units for Statistics is a vital tool for dishing out EU funds, turning Europe’s map from a land of wiggly rivers and mountains into a patchwork gerrymandered by cynical officials aiming to scrape up cash. It is better known by a satisfying acronym: NUTS.