Page 42 - Borowitz Report News Today : Breaking News, Live Updates & Top Stories | Vimarsana

Save this story for later. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of liberals were traumatized on Tuesday when they found themselves in agreement with Mitch McConnell, liberals are reporting. From Santa Monica, California, to the Upper West Side of Manhattan, liberals sought emergency counselling, complaining of a range of symptoms after realizing that they were on the same side as the senator from Kentucky. Carol Foyler, a liberal from Austin, Texas, said that she experienced lightheadedness and nausea after liking a Facebook post that detailed McConnell’s remarks in the Senate. “Th...

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Save this story for later. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the prospect a “nightmare scenario,” Betsy DeVos warned that President-elect Joe Biden will pick an Education Secretary with a background in education. The outgoing Education Secretary warned that putting someone with a “pro-education bias” in her job would be like “naming a fox to be Secretary of Hens.” “For the past four years, I have worked tirelessly to keep our schools free from education,” she said. “It deeply saddens me to think that all of my hard work will go to waste.” Even more alarming, she s...

Save this story for later. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a widely expected outcome, a horrible student was rejected by a college on Monday. The college’s decision to reject the student was unsurprising given his poor performance in such important subjects as science, math, history, and spelling. Although the student was reportedly taking his rejection badly, a college spokesperson said that the news should have come as no surprise. “He was told that he wasn’t getting in more than a month ago,” the spokesperson said. “This was just a formality.” Having failed to get accepte...

Here is that ms. pelosi and the leadership the democratically the leadership the house, has demonstrated clearly that this was all about affecting the 2020 election. and has nothing to do with ukraine or 2016 or 2017, or 2018 or 2019. it is about 2020. >> on again to the fisa quote because we do areis deputy ag of course that gives youar some responsibility over the fbi. as you look at the borowitz report, is the behavior that it documents behind the fbi and its submissions to the quote. is that it at all your view. >> no. specifically no. paul: happen.thiss i guess is what i'm staying, you ha...