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(cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report, everybody, thank you so much for joining us! (cheers and applause) thank you so much, please, nation (audience chanting stephen ) thank you so much, please, ladies and gentlemen, you re too kind to me. nation, it has been 16 months since mitt romney declared his candidacy a month since he accepted the nomination and five days since he started running for president. (laughter) folks, he is surging! new polls have him tied with or leading the president and the new york times 538 blog now gives him a 28.6% chance of winning! he is on a rocket ride to plausible! (laughter) and, of course, in the face of this surge, obama has become desperate. yesterday at a california fund fund-raiser he warned the audience what it s gonna take to win saying we re only going to do it if everybody is almost obsessive for the next 29 days. (laughter) that s right, obama supporters, right now you re only logged on to his web sit ....
(cheers and applause) jon: that s our show. tomorrow night magic johnson. here it is, your moment of zen. don t say you weren t warned this would happen. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org stephen: tonight, russia tries to claim the north pole! mr. gorbachev, tear down this narwhal! (laughter) then mitt romney threatens iran. stop your nuclear program or he will cut off your pbs! (laughter) and my guest is music legend and animal rights activist morrissey in his honor, today my interns are free range! (cheers and applause) nasa s curiosity rover has found a small shiny object on mars. it s either the top of a giant metal city buried beneath the sand or a screw. (laughter) this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report, everybody, thank you so much for joinin ....