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Boston university. He seems smart begun could have shaved. [laughter] chemistry major looking for a job teaching chemistry. Im like how can you not get a job teaching chemistry. If you need a chemistry teacher contact us and i will finally get this bleep kid out of his parents house. Thats what im going to do. Leave your name. Thats what were doing. [cheers and applause] yes, healing america [laughter] nothing, huh . Of course, even now in this country while weve mostly ruled out burning people like witches we still debate with what to do with our most suspicious citizens. Thanks so old goody snowden here. Weve learned something new about the earn surveillance state and the nsa. They said they werent spying on americans. [ laughter ] they said they werent abusing their power. [laughter] they said they werent cutting holes in the girls shower house to see boobies but we know the truth. [ laughter ] well last friday it was finally time for president obama to address the issues at the nsa ....
What kind of animal came up with a certain length of nails which means they had over shot it at one point. [laughing] the tv show sledge hammer example not since i watched the show sledge hammer have i seen a negotiation go so badly. Can you imagine being a sledge hammer fan and that came on. Mom, come in the sledge hammer joke it was on for one and a half season in like 88. A womans vagina a vent. We always got to keep s p on their toes. We have to come up with things to call the vagina. So that we dont get bleeped. Joey adams has done more for flat chested woman in america. I dont know what the rest of the joke would be but the first part is so solid. Like for awhile i was like no i would totally date a flat chested girl. Then the movies ran their course and everybody knock it off. Give me some titties. The kind of people who get mexican fast food for here are the kind of people who dont mind getting caught up in a hate fight. I have a feeling the video thats meant for is extremely r ....
[cheers and applause] stephen thats it for the next two weeks. Good night. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon bam welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. Weve got a good one for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen. I am particularly excited about this, the head coach of the new york football giants, tom coughlin is joining us later. Were very excited about that. [cheers and applause] he is a good and decent man who should in no way lower himself to appear on a program like this but were excited he has. First of all, you know yesterday senator rand paul embarked on a filibuster to draw attention to the issue of executive branchs seemingly unchecked power to use drones on american soil. Th ....
Would drawing penises going into someones hand be a segue to, you know, murder . Of course not. I dont think so. Never . Im not gonna say never. So mayyes. So then yes. If he choked on it, maybe. Kyle. Show respect and apologize. Its a good way to go. All right, well, i did enjoy drawing penises next to your face, but i really do apologize. No, i dont accept that. I dont accept an apology that starts like that. [clears throat] i apologize for drawing a penis next to your face. Okay. All right. Youre a good kid. You have a lot of potential. And to be honest, i see some of myself in you. But you just have to try to become more like me and less like you. No, i disagree. I think he should more like himself well, he shouldnt be like himself obviously. Someone who draws penises. [overlapping comments] [engine sound passing by] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central from Comedy Central< ....
stephen: s that tea for the report, everybody. good night. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org from comedy central s world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ). captioning sponsored by comedy central john: welcome to the daily show. welcome. i am john oliver, jon stewart still not here. he is at home recovering there a state-of-the-art procedure in which he switched faces with nicholas cage. ( laughter ) they took his face off. my guest tonight from mad men, linda cardellini is here. ( cheers and applause ). but first, first tonight, i and the rest of america woke up this morning in the worst way imaginable. governor, welcome back to the channel. thank you. i get to be here the entire hour. john: well, well, well. ( cheers and applause ) well, well, well. look what the fox dragged in ( laughter ) sarah palin has been hired back by fox n ....