Page 35 - Fat Guy News Today : Breaking News, Live Updates & Top Stories | Vimarsana

Jimmy thank you. Welcome. Thanks, its embarrassing. Hi, everyone. Im jimmy. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for watching. Thanks for coming. [ cheers and applause ] i dont know if you know this, i hosted the oscars last night. [ cheers and applause ] ill admit i was fishing. What a weird thing though. Have any of you ever hosted the oscars before . Well, let me tell you about it. Except for the end, it was a lot of fun. [ laughter ] went very well. We were chugging along. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, it turned into one of those maury povich paternity test shows. [ laug it was the weird...

You see, when i was younger, i had an affair with doikk nats. Hes a member of the cantina band. Oh, yeah, thats right. You know that guy. Stephen know him, paul . I loved him. There he is, holding his dorenian beshniquel. And lets just say, that wasnt the only thing doikk knew how to blow. When i first heard doikk play at the mos eisley cantina, he made love to that instrument, and then he made love to me. It was an experience ill never forget, because i had no idea what sex he was or how he did it. Under those clothes its kind of a kind of a train wreck, i have to say. I just poked around and...

For instance, i heard president obama tapped your phones. Just tweet that and the hounds are off your trail obama i knew he was up to no good how low has president obama gone to tap my phones during the big sacred election process . This is nixon watergate. Bad. Boom donald, stop abe maam lincoln . Dont listen to nixon he was the one who tapped the phones in watergate. Shut up, abe dont you have tickets to the theater tonight . Donald, nixon had to resign for lying. Oh, damn it president lincoln is right. Donald, you dont want to end up like me. To paraphrase myself, i am a crook but the rumor...

Stephen hey whoo jon hey stephen hey, everybody cheers and applause audience chanting stephen hey, thanks, everybody thank you, mark piano riff whoo cheers and applause yeah welcome to the late show thanks so much, everybody youre very kind. Very kind. Thank you very much listen cheers and applause thank you, everybody. Lovely. Yeah stay strong, be brave look folks, im not going to lie to you, this is the late show and im stephen colbert. laughter last week, i dont know if you were paying attention but donald trump seemed pretty steady. He gave a big boy speech in front of Congress Long pants ...

For instance, i heard president obama tapped your phones. Just tweet that and the hounds are off your trail obama i knew he was up to no good how low has president obama gone to tap my phones during the big sacred election process . This is nixon watergate. Bad. Boom donald, stop abe maam lincoln . Dont listen to nixon he was the one who tapped the phones in watergate. Shut up, abe dont you have tickets to the theater tonight . Donald, nixon had to resign for lying. Oh, damn it president lincoln is right. Donald, you dont want to end up like me. To paraphrase myself, i am a crook but the rumor...