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Cheers and applause stephen welcome to the colbert report audience chanting stephen thank you, thank you so much cheers and applause thank you, ladies and gentlemen thank you cheers and applause thank you. Im glad to hear that your spirits are up because i come to you tonight with terrifying news the internet is under attack shut off your smartphones, close your laptops and remain focused on your tv. laughter unless youre watching me online right now, in which case, to keep you safe, im going to close all your other tabs. Here we go. Youre welcome. Hey, folks laughter we cant be too careful, because your frenemies in china are spin ago worldwide web of lies. Jim . The u. S. Cyber war escalating to a whole new level. For the first time ever, charges filed against Chinese State officials accusing them of espionage. The hackers working on behalf offto the Chinese Government s ....
Cap in respectful salute to democracy on parade. Ladies and gentlemen, i give you the new york state senate. This bill would designate yogurt as the official state snack of the state of new york. laughter jon that, my friends, new york state senator michael razzenhoffer. At the behest of a local fourth grade class attempting to bring forth into law an official honor for new yorks vaunted yogurt industry, its whats known in legislative circles as gimme. A nobrainer. The type of feelgood, probusiness, and probiotic would the sponsor yield for a few questions . Jon wait, sponsor yield . Yield for questions . Who dareth rise . laughter senator razzenhoffer, what quibble doth thou proffer. As far as a state snack what exactly are we defining as a snack here . laughter . Jon touche. A philosophical query. Your answer, senator razzenhoffer. I think its selfexplanatory. I mean, you have breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and then you have snacks. laughter applause . Jon i think were done here. I be ....
For an additional 50 off. gnome go and smell the roses. cheers and applause . Stephen well thats it for the report, everybody. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org may 15, 2014. From Comedy Centrals headquarters in new york, the daily show with jon stewart cheers and applause jon welcome to the daily show im jon stewart. Actor jim parsons will be in the studio. But first, india, a land of technological wizards is india, colored powders, bread that appears to need sauce and cheese, a mysterious and exotic place unless youre one of the is. 3 billion people who live there then you probably dont reduce it to the three cultural stereotypes that we are aware of oh, crazy sex positions, three steer to types. First, india had an election. Indian campaign seans just ....
It. laughter tonight, we remove our gestures cap in respectful salute to democracy on parade. Ladies and gentlemen, i give you the new york state senate. This bill would designate yogurt as the official state snack of the state of new york. laughter jon that, my friends, new york state senator michael razzenhoffer. At the behest of a local fourth grade class attempting to bring forth into law an official honor for new yorks vaunted yogurt industry, its whats known in legislative circles as gimme. A nobrainer. The type of feelgood, probusiness, and probiotic would the sponsor yield for a few questions . Jon wait, sponsor yield . Yield for questions . Who dareth rise . laughter senator razzenhoffer, what quibble doth thou proffer. As far as a state snack what exactly are we defining as a snack here . laughter . Jon touche. A philosophical query. Your answer, senator razzenhoffer. I think its selfexplanatory. I mean, you have breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and then you have snacks. laughte ....
The st. Louis rams select michael sam defensive end. Michael sam drafted by the st. Louis rams becoming the first openly gay player ever drafted. Stephen first openly gay player, important distinction because i think weve all had our questions about the Dallas Cowboys mascot rowdy. Me thinks he dote proteeth tap much. And michael sams war on traditional gridiron values started as soon as he got the phone call. This is the moment where michael sam got the news that he is going to be a member of the st. Louis rams. There you see the raw emotion. laughter Stephen Holding unnecessary tenderness. Folks this is just wrong. In the nfl sexuality is supposed to take place off camera. And the fans should only find out about it when the charges are filed. Folk, im up set and im not the only one. Jones of the doll fines tweeted ong and horrible. Former super bowl champion tweeted quote ....