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Condemn his u [ applause ] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause . Stephen welcome to the report, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Thai for being with us in here, out there, all around the world. Welcome to the show. Mr. And mrs. America. Nation, thank you for your support. Folks, thank you fur your support and coming together to make the world a better place because we americans have always had our differences. You say potato, and i say who you calling a potato is . Is it because im irish . Youre a racist. Im...

Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Im sorry, i apologize, folks. cheers and applause thank you, ladies and gentlemen, i apologize. I didnt mean to get past your chanting am i just thought i could sneak past the castlegates of your love but you stopped me, thank you am folks, if you are one of the millions of americans obsessed with knowing what day it is, then you know that today is Cinco De Mayo. Which this year is landing on the 5th of may. laughter now unfortunately, one person is m...

Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen good to you have with us on this fine spring night. Nation, thank you so much. You know, folks its not just mindless adoreation, folks. I need it and i want to thank you for singling me out for your applause. It makes me feel special as an individual. Because frankly im sick and tired of hearing about equality. Equality right force gay, equal pay for women. Equal space for equal. And now bama equalicrat over ot National Institutes of health are directing scientists to perform their experiments on both female and male animals. Coed lab rats . ...

400 million to support conservative causes. Raised raised found found in the Koch Brothers conservative club house couch cushion. By the way for 400 million couldnt you buy your own damn country . You could rule it any way you want. No pants tuesdays . Done thankfully, one member of congress is putting foot down and his dukes up. The top democrat in the u. S. Senate, majority leader harry reid, has now mentioned the billionaire Koch Brothers this year more than 140 times. They are in it to make money. Any attempt to buy our democracy is dishonest, diseptemberrive, false and unfair. It is wrong...

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the colbert report audience chanting stephen thank you, thank you so much cheers and applause thank you, ladies and gentlemen thank you cheers and applause thank you. Im glad to hear that your spirits are up because i come to you tonight with terrifying news the internet is under attack shut off your smartphones, close your laptops and remain focused on your tv. laughter unless youre watching me online right now, in which case, to keep you safe, im going to close all your other tabs. Here we go. Youre welcome. Hey, f...