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Never going to win, thats where were at in the republican president ial race. As we see it in tonights democalypse 2016, roll back to your own house our first brave new entrant. Im getting ready to do something, too. Im running for president. Our founders never intended us to have a professional political class. Im Carly Fiorina, and im running for president. Jon and i want to turn the clinton political machine off laughter and rewind us to simpler times. Oh, bheep, bleep , heres a picture in picture. No, i hit closed captioning. Thats laughter mother bleep laughter Carly Fiorina announced her...

Mentioned, tom brady, i believe i called him a cheating bleep . Well now its payback tom brady sidelined, suspended for four games without pay for his role in deflategame. Jon boom four games without pay obviously doesnt need the money and at his age maybe the break will help preserve his career and probably spend the time on the beach with the family he loves. [bleep] its not even punishment he always wins they should have sentenced him to hard labor, a few months of crashing rocks in a prison gang not even that the hard labor cuts his abs like diamonds no last cast him out to wander in rags ...

Actually not boom. Not boom. Not boom something happened without the deal came at the end of an exciting week that began with top diplomats pulling red bull fueled all nighters and ended with the iranian kid and play dancing in the streets and they werent persian youths inspired by the breakthrough. The unprecedented move, ordinary iranians. Many marked the moments by taking selfies with their television. You know, our cultures, our cultures are not so different. Actually i got caught doing the same thing watching naked and afraid. Oh, you can see my third mickey mouse ear shaped nickel in the...

Jon welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart well. Have a good show for you tonight. How are you guys tonight . Famous Movie Television producer and author brian grazer is going to be joining us. I got to be honest with you last week with everything that was going on in the world and baltimore in particular, was tough a lot of chaos confusion. So i happened to get a good weekend and coming in today i was feeling fresh fresh start i felt good. News breaking overnight from texas. Two heavily armed men opened fire at an event featuring a cartoon contest. Both suspects are dead after being...

New jersey. Two states united in one spirit. And that spirit is corruption. laughter it is what we do it has been part of new york and new swrersee history ever since the founding of the state by michael jersey and laughter lets say sergeant york. Who then sold the state to six Different Countries before fleeing to mexico with the cash and getting married. laughter colonial men were quite am i wrong about that, they had tiny heads and little pear shaped bodies. And i follow their lead. Both States New York and new jersey remain awash in scandal to the point where its hard to guess which corrup...