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Theres oh, heroic petrel smores over hills and on the plains god bless your tiny brains we the people are your dinowhore you have saved God Bless America you have saved and all the dinos sang. [groaning, grunting noises] thank you, dinosaurs thank you, new york thank you, Comedy Central thank you, new york thank you, new york thank you so much. Were hard n phirm. Captioning made possible by Comedy Central. Captioned by mccaptioning services www. Mccaption. Com from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [che...

Is nice to the homeless is nice california super cool to the homeless to in the city in the city of santa monica sant lots of rich people ich e giving change to the homeless omeless change . C in the city city of brentwood in the city they take really good care of all their homeless ir theyre listening lets go in the city ity Marina Del Rey theyre so nice to the homeless meless build em portapotties theyretheyre leading them away they were gonna be all right wer california super cool to the homeless california an a orn ne in the city city of venice right by matts house ous you can chill if you...

Oh, thats cause i let my cat piss on me for health. He has a little tabby named judd hirsch. So how did you hurt your shoulder . It seems. Oh you may have dislocated it. This guy decked me cause the blacks liked me more. Yeah, we were playing basketball with these awful black guys, and he displeased me, so i took him out. Yeah. You know, i am actually legally bound to report any instances of Domestic Violence between partners. What . You think were hermsexual partners . You think were hermisexuals . What would give you that i mean, look, i guess we are best friends. Sure. Who isnt . And if we ...

From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. [cheers and applause] my name is jon stewart. My guest tonight author helaine olen. Shes going to talk about her book pound foolish about the financial industry and how its serving you perfectly. [laughter] lets begin with the president. As you may know barack obama is a student of history. He learned two things in particular from the greatest president in history abraham lincoln. One when putting together a cabi...

See, yall laughing, cause you know good and damn well i cant even leapfrog on dry land. How im gonna leapfrog in the middle of the ocean . He said, mr. Crawford, i need to you try. I said, okay, doggone it. Im gonna try. And i pressed down. And i pressed down. And my blood sugar got low. And i said, you know what, just go on without me. I guess im dead. He said, no. Im gonna tow you in. I said, okay. So, he started towing me in, and i so im calming down, and the people on the beach was with they cameras talking about, what did he catch . What did he catch . [laughter and applause] thank you la...