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[ ] welcome back. How many of you have gone out and bought this outfit already . Next week an artist gets redemption. How to draw a cartoon character. The body is shaped like that. A strange shape. You can do a little thing wings right there. The tail, rotor, whatever the helicopter people call it. Lets see what you do. Follow me on twitter so we can live chat during the show, keep up with comedy central. Com and buy stuff from our store. Come see me in vegas. The mirrage, im there a lot. Tickets go on sale february 3rd from my standup tour. 17 new u. S. Cities, with special guests. I get that...

Oprah should be the pope poprah [ laughter and applause ] oprah is love. Dont be a dick that was jesus whole message. Dont be a dick. Thats what it all comes down to. I was in texas last year, driving around on a saturday afternoon, and there was a protest in front of a honda dealership. 30 or 40 people angrily marching with placards and signs. And their sign said things like, gay is not okay, and, the word of god condemns homosexual acts. And it was a curious sight, and i stopped. And there was a guy, he looked like moses. I figured he was in charge. I said, hey, man. Whats happening . I swea...

Em. Hey, uhhuh, put your chain down in there theyll rob you. Keep your hand on the wheel or they might think thats two guns. laughter so when your mother is your friend and your parent you can make requests like they make requests to their parents, white kids. Look here, mommy, i want to use the garage for a whole week and promise youre not gonna come in there. laughter okay, billy. He down there making a nuke. Lights are flickering, the cable aint working. She at the door, i know hes doing something but i gave him my word. Im not gonna go in there. I dont want to break my promise. You know bl...

Stephen thats it for the report, everyb captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org actresses from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon hey, oh, my god hey, everybody, welcome to the daily show. Any name is jon stewart. My name is jon stewart and i need a haircut. [ laughter ] this is the longest head ive ever had. [ laughter ] weve got a nice one. The actress alison brie will be joining us from the hit show community. P my gues...

Well, that was our first show and we nailed it. Thanks to amy schumer and aziz ansari. See me live at the mirage and tweet me and on the blog cc. Com jeselnik. See you next week but before we go lets look back at the best moments from tonights show. Women be shopping. Women be shopping. Women be shopping. Oh, boy. Ah, memories. Good night kids. Go read a book. [cheers and applause]actresses from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon hey, oh, my god hey, everybody, welcome to the da...