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She has at least two extra chins, a misshapen nose and an expression of shocked horror, as though she has just seen her own reflection in a mirror.
When I first saw the posters for MJ: the Musical, I marvelled at the producers in daring to bring us a jukebox extravaganza about such a controversial figure.
The series follows a close-knit expatriate community, where affluence is celebrated, friendships are intense but short-lived and personal lives are played out publicly.
A few days ago, I noticed a slight paunch where my husband’s flatter tummy used to be. I didn’t look the other way. Instead, I pulled his top up, patted the burgeoning mass and said: ‘Get to the gym!’
Bad news. That flirtatious glass of bubbly that eases you into the mood might actually be killing your sex life.