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Thoroughly. Folks, for weeks weve heard about thi this deadly pandemic taking hold and in who caresistan. But now breaking right now the first confirmed case of ebola right here in the united states. The first case of ebola diagnosed in the united states. A man in texas, now in isolation. Ebola, its here. It is here, ebola. Ebola, here. Stephen yes, ebola here. laughter folks, that is crapyourpant terrifying in that crap your pant is one of the symptoms of ebola. And now that the virus has hit a...

Present chronosphere, its day seven of the Global Pandemic that some are call ebolapalooza. laughter not many. Just me so far. But its going to catch on. You can smell the fear, thanks to heroes like cnn who asked the question, ebola the i. S. I. S. Of biological agents . Yes, it is. Without a doubt. Scientists have long compared diseases to murderous madmen. Thats why epidemiologists call tuberculosis lung hitler. laughter one person who is irresponsibly calm is president barack ebola. Just lis...

Democrats left in washington. Then a victory in class warfare you will never guess which 1 came out on top. And my guest, eva longoria, is here with a new documentary about lowwage farm workers. Or as i call them, lettuce interns. Josee canseco is selling his amputated finger on ebay because, thanks to steroids, hes already grown a new one. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central eagle caw cheers and applause stephen everybody, welcome to the report audience chanting S...

Executive amnesty. Executive amnesty. Executive amnesty. Stephen regular amnesty isnt good enough for barrack. My great great grandfather did not come here from ireland to see this country overrun by immigrants. He came here because he killed a guy. I mean what happened to checks and balances served. Theres supposed to be three batches of government. Executive, judicial and spitefl e enertis. The emperor of the United States is going to declare war on the u. S. Constitution. Stephen oh hail bara...

Night they want to go see interstellar, and you heard they had such a great time, they even had a beer afterwards to talk about the movie. Thanks, obama. laughter luckily, the republicans are in power now, and theyre going to do something about it by undoing something about it. Republicans dominate state governments this time around, also eager to fix obamacare. There are some changes to obamacare that i think both parties can agree to. Were going to have to show that we have ideas, that we are ...

Cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Its good to have you with us. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for being here. Good to have you with us in here, out there, all around. I have to tell you after a greeting like that i would not kick you out of bed for eating crackers, folks. Lets get right to the big sto...

They say giuliani cleaned it up, but new yorkers still live with the looming threat of the ground. laughter thats why theyre called the mean streets. And this accident caps off a week that was already no bueno for bono. Theres word that bono from u2 lost his luggage. His private learjet losing the rear cargo door 8,000 feet above the ground, luggage flying out. Investigators say the door and several pieces of luggage landed somewhere on the outskirts of germanys capital. Thats right. Bonos bags ...

Laughter stephen nation, as much as this administration would like us to forget it, we are just in the opening chapters in our war on terror, and over the weekend, there may have been a major plot twist. Conflicting reports on the fate of the leader of i. S. I. S. , abu bakr albaghdadi. U. S. Warplanes attacked a convoy near mosul in iraq this weekend. Its unknown, though, if that top guy was among them. Albaghdadi may have been killed or wounded in a u. S. Air strike. The leader of i. S. I. S. ...

Eagle caw cheers and applause stephen whoo whoo audience chanting Stephen Stephen thank you, nation thank you so much cheers and applause well come to the report thank you so much beautiful great tuesday night here in new york city. Ladies and gentlemen, i am samson and your cheering is my long hair thanks for being here nation, i am a huge fan of the game of footedball. Every sunday, i invite my bros over, grill up some brats, crack a couple of cold ones, forget to take the brats off the grill,...

This administration would like us to forget it, we are just in the opening chapters in our war on terror, and over the weekend, there may have been a major plot twist. Conflicting reports on the fate of the leader of i. S. I. S. , abu bakr albaghdadi. U. S. Warplanes attacked a convoy near mosul in iraq this weekend. Its unknown, though, if that top guy was among them. Albaghdadi may have been killed or wounded in a u. S. Air strike. The leader of i. S. I. S. , abu bakr albaghdadi, may be dead t...