Page 34 - Check Connection News Today

I need i need i need the strength you give me, because, folks, this is a dark day. A dark, day, day for cultural conservatives like myself. That day hump day. Because god decreed in the bible hump day is between one man and one woman. Now its anything goes. On monday the Supreme Court refused to hear five gay marriage cases and as a result, more than half of all americans now live in a state where gay marriage is legal. cheers and applause . Well, i say, i say, bravo. Is now americas number one ...

Dont need a lawsuit on my hands. And some pepper. cuz the weather outside is frightful. 200 million americans are in the middle of the cold snap today. 50 of the country blanketed in snow. This Minnesota Lake turned to solid ice a rare prethanksgiving deep freeze. Freezing temperatures in all 50 states. Stephen all 50. Even hawaii where aloha now means hello, goodbye, and my nipples could slice pineapple. And do not confuse this cold snap with last years polar vortex. Its completely different. T...

Elections. Huge night for the republicans across the country. They won everything its senate majority, the bigger house majority, tight governors races and a giraffe from one of those claw machines. laughter i mean, they were on fire. I dont know why democrats didnt turn out to vote yesterday. What with all the inspiring fundraising emails the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee sent out, like all hope is lost. laughter applause and sure, as a conservative it is tempting to gloat, but im...

So good to see him back. Unfortunately, his best friend lubey wasnt available to celebrate with him, so instead kim paid a visit to the second happiest place in north korea. An orphanage. laughter of course, the beds are all empty because the kids are at work. Which is too bad. Kim was looking forward to teaching them how to smoke. laughter of course, hell eventually have to pass the cigarette off to the stuffed animals boning on the dresser. laughter cheering but folks, as much as this photo de...

Thank you so much. Folks, i am always you know me. You watch this show. Im not proud. Im not proud. Stephen stephen stephen. Stephen oh, i cant fight that. But, folks, you know, if you watch this show, im not a prideful man. I always am the first to admit when im wrong, and once again, i am right. laughter applause this time its about obamacare. Folks, ive never liked it. First, they put a bureaucrat between and you your doctor, and the next thing you know the doctor and the bowercrat are hangin...

Huge controversy surrounding last nights game between the oh, shoot i can never remember the teams names. Lets say the new england. Big guys versus the kansas city uh chiefs. Oh, theyre actually called the chiefs . Good to know. Thanks. Uh, buddy. Jim . N. F. L. Referees calling a 15yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on chiefs safety Husain Abdullah for dropping to his knees in prayer after scoring a touchdown on monday night football. Abdullahs a devout muslim. He was practicing the sajda, a ...

Him if theres an escalator to heaven. A new study says on average men need 7. 8 hours of sleep a day. Really, on top of the 12 hours i get each night . This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen. Stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you for joining us. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Hold on a second, folks. Folks. Ill be with you in a second. I just have too finish up here. Folks, the whieft crin est...

Were going to have to show that we have ideas, that we are going topaz legislation and try to fix obamacare. Stephen yes, after more than 50 votes against obamacare, the republican majority is now promising to fix the law. Just like when you try to murder someone 50 times, as and it doet work, so you buy them a gym membership. And they have a great starting point for health care reformreform. Well take on obamacare regulations that threaten the 40hour work week. Lets put on his desk things like ...

Report good to have you with us in here, out there, all around the world audience chanting stephen thank you so much, everybody you wont get that kind of adulation anywhere else in america folks, i have to be straight with you here, while i may be at odds with the current administration, as a patriot, i feel its my duty in a time of war to support our president. And thats enough. laughter cuz i have a lot of problems with what this guy does. And even when i do like what he does, i dont. laughter...

Starring on broadway. Oooh i bet she makes a great mustapha. The Neiman Marcus cag lot is selling a custom purpeople for 475,000. Its the perfect gift for anyone who wants to smell like an idiot. Its the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the report. Its good to have you with us, nation. cheers and applause thank you, folks. Thank you so much. I need i need i need t...