Page 5 - Stand Ups News Today

With, with this wall, is people dig under the wall. there are drug tunnels that have been busted. ive done stand-ups and stood in them, that are 100 feet deep and as wide as two lanes of traffic. what good is the wall going to do? >> not only digging under the wall but people overstaying their visas. >> thats the big point. that is exactly the point. when youre talking about illegal immigration to the united states, its mostly people overstaying their welcome. this issue, really boils down -- it...

It if you wanted to make it in the clubs. and the best ones did. >> hi, pigs. >> i dont know how to say this, but i want to be on you. >> i dated my last boyfriend for two years. finally, i gave him an ultimatum. i said, listen, either you tell me your name or its over. >> this is my long, luxurious blond hair. aint it pretty? >> yes. >> i could put it in a ponytail, you want to see? >> yeah. >> no. >> whoopi goldberg always thought of herself as an actress more so than a comedian. she was very ...

>> hi, pigs. >> i dont know how to say this, but i want to be on you. >> i dated my last boyfriend for two years. finally, i gave him an ultimatum. i said, listen, either you tell me your name or its over. >> this is my long, luxurious blond hair. aint it pretty? >> yes. >> i could put it in a ponytail, you want to see? >> yeah. >> no. >> whoopi goldberg always thought of herself as an actress more so than a comedian. she was very much in the spirit of lily tomlin, more so than the stand-ups of ...

>> you had to learn to deal with it if you wanted to make it in the clubs. and the best ones did. >> hi, pigs. >> i dont know how to say this, but i want to be on you. >> i dated my last boyfriend for two years. finally, i gave him an ultimatum. i said, listen, either you tell me your name or its over. >> this is my long, luxurious blond hair. aint it pretty? >> yes. >> i could put it in a ponytail, you want to see? >> yeah. >> no. >> whoopi goldberg always thought of herself as an actress more ...

I agree with you, no problem. everybody has their own opinion. >> reporter: thats true. >> its like [ bleep ], everyone has one. >> as long as they dont start shooting at each other, right? >> thats right. >> reporter: then the heckling is interrupted by a hero falling from the sky. dana bowman, army golden knight who lost both legs in a mid air collision and lands with old glory and for a moment it feels like we are all in this together. >> thats awesome. just an awesome slice of americana that...

Kind of across the country. it does depend where you are, but people here obviously were very in the pocket of the president and they wanted to show that they supported him. i think they see this war on the media as one way that they can show trump that theyre there to have his back against people who they feel are constantly maligning him every day on the air waves. >> well, let me play for you sarah sanders, play this for the panel here. heres how she responded to a question about it where whe...

Prevent a broadcaster from getting his broadcast out and yelling that his network sucks. is that right or wrong? >> what was the first part of your question? >> reporter: no one was being violent in terms of hitting anybody and no broadcaster was broadcasting state secrets. they were trying to do stand-ups at a public rally, and people were trying to yell over them preventing them from doing their jobs and yelling their network sucks on live tv. do you support that or not? >> we support freedom ...

Tell you all the things that are the matter with you. but lets start with that checkered bell bottomed suit. >> you had to learn to deal with it if you wanted to make it in the clubs. and the best ones did. >> hi, pigs. >> i dont know how to say this, but i want to be on you. >> i dated my last boyfriend for two years. finally, i gave him an ultimatum. i said, listen, either you tell me your name or its over. >> this is my long, luxurious blonde hair. aint it pretty? >> yes. >> i could put it in...

Trying to make that happen. im not sure it will work with north korea, international diplomacy is a different animal. one other thing. the president of the united states walked out from the white house on the north lawn where reporters do their stand-ups, you see our reporters. did a stand-up with fox news for 20, 30 minutes. then spent another 25 or 30 minutes just answering questions in a free-for-all. you just dont -- forget what he said, which is very newsworthy. its just not something you e...

Its 950 people youre performing to, you know, four nights a week. >> anthony: right. >> bearded man: places, act 1. >> woman: how are things? >> guy: ah, good. should i put the game on? the patriots are playing the red skins. >> paul: do we know where e dry cleaning is? theres no job that you can liken to this job. >> woman: what are you trying to say, mike, were some sort of time travelers? >> man: my hemp business is doing really well. >> paul: i think its all i only have like four lines, righ...